Trump by Donald Trump for Donald by Donald Trump in collaboration with Donald Trump for Donald by Donald Trump

The Donald J Trump & The Epstein Files

"I'm a pervert."

The Brezhnev Center, formerly known as the Stalin Center, formerly known as the Nicholas II Center, is renamed the Putin Palazzio for Performative Despotism

Trump gets to bed and turns to his inflatable sex doll and says "And today AGAIN I outdid myself saying the most repulsive and vile things and look at me: I'M STILL HERE!"

Celebrating his 70th?!? Wait until they learn he's actually long dead.

A check. That's so cheap. In Putin' Russia, they give Lada car to your family when their valourous warriors finally trespass in horrible pain in the trenches for no good reasons.

Knobs Mechanics. A shop that takes in your tech-bloated modern car and reverse-engineer anything that can be into good ol' knobs and buttons and mechanic, not electronic, controls.

He should do that every night. On Prime.

Will probably be named Governor of Venezuela.

Yeah. I liked Hollywood more when it was less *check notes* commercialized. *drinks from huge, shiny, wet Coca-Cola can* Aaaah. Yes. That's so good.

AVTOPILOT

He's ceding the throne to his highest son.

President becomes dictator? "I hate this timeline!!" Beloved celeb dies an unfortunsate death? "I hate this timeline!!" Local sportteam loses to rival sportteam? "I hate this timeline!!" Split your skull falling in the shower? "I hate this timeline!!" Sydney Sweeney sucking your big toe? "oh ok."

Soccer would be better if it were hockey

Ok ok ok Rob Reiner was a nice guy and he made very likeable movies and Princess Bride was funny & wevsll had a good time watching it and thanks for making it and all that but please Can We All Just? No, Princess Bride is not The Best Film Ever Made. Calm down and watch more movies.

"Ok, everyone, let's try not to look like movie villains!" *click* "Ugh. Well, I guess that'll have to do."

Lincoln, in the corner: "please kill me".

Wattabout a SNP cabinet minister in a coalition government?

Believe Me

Winds of Change

True story. I was the dog. The smell of Lush stores made me take loooooong detours to avoid it.

Crumpassionate Conservatives

Me when it happens

That might be true, but if and only if there are elections.

Donald, to his Secret Service bodyguards: a propos of nothing, say one of my sons...

Oh you mean THAT EU, the European Union? No no no I thought you meant "YOU", meaning us, Russia, which we are for.

At the Brezhnev's, it'll be a Very Rob Reiner Christmas, and we'll be enjoying his movies over the Holiday break.

In Chile, it's not the first time a Socialist president is succeeded by an extreme-right mofo. It sucks nevertheless.

Colonel Jessup has the Warrior Ethos

Eat the Rich: Origins

This, gentlemen, is fine.

Kids, don't do drugs.

You will be visited by three spirits.

Will he bomb Caracas? Will he claim South-Vietnam belongs to his family? Will he seize South-African airplanes because he dislike their livery?

Will Trump invade Europe or annex Canada first?

Bannon 🤝 Woody Allen Holding each other's dick

He's running (for reelection)

I'm sure Maduro & Trump would love each other if they'd meet. Maybe Kim Jung-un should organise a BBQ? A Xmas party?

Remember that time you were shot? And your wife was devastated and feared she would lose you? Awh. Let's all laugh at the quaintness of it because real men don't have crying wives. They have stone-cold contractual trophies.

Casino Regime

Rogue State One

The position of Leader of the Free World is vacant.

Time can go fuck itself

Of course he can't

I bet he's the 1st F1 Champion to be named after a Star Wars character.

Everyone is going to start offering fake prizes to trump. UN's Golden Shoe Award for Greatness. ASEAN's Purple Ribbon for Immense Intellect. Russia's Trade Association of Private Military Companies' Honorary Ombudsmanship rewarding Lifetime Dedication to Ethics.

Is that good?