imagine prearranging with your mi6 handler that if you post about your vagina it means something is wrong do not proceed

YOU CANT TELL ME NOT TO TOUCH THE PRONG AS IM PULLING THE PLUG OUT OF TH OUTLET

imagine posting 01110011 and it was a message to push 's' out a window

consider this: the state of a womans vagina at any given time

put the kettle on mate your barristers wear white wigs

if i were a spy id communicate through bluesky posts

everyone wants to talk about the odyssey but can i interest you in a discussion about marlena evans impact on the salem community

a surfeit of arrogance if she could she'd refuse to let the air touch her

it’s a business of sadists and masochists and you know which one you are -miss blankenship

daaaaaaamn girl

more of you need to dance to the rhythm of your washing machine

if you used your easy bake to cook ham and cheese melts chances are high you walked in on your mom and step dad humping on a waterbed

window sills: where flies go to die

if you squint this is two saguaros out partying

we will all die not having seen our own buttholes

if you squint this is toy story woody wearing a safety vest standing in front of droopy dog-esque containers

she felt a sense of pique after reading this post

who amongst us hasnt experienced a discharge ball or two

my friend was offended by this post not because fart but because she has it on good knowlegde the group chats are saying this app would be better if more people admitted they humped at least one pillow in their youth

also more likely than not she tried to rope you into selling coke for her when you were 9

i can't decide if tolerating ants in my bed means im a piece of shit or have achieved the highest potential of human existence

if you have an aunt that says ain't that neater than a skeeter's peter then chances are she slept with your dad

me dance me robot me bend my joints me work work it yah friends are electric

accepting suggestions for garbage pail kids names

i say who i say when -kit de luca

creating an onlyfans for the dentures of my friends dad

this morning in an attempt to shame me my bird hit play on a video she secretly recorded of me snapping into a slim jim blunt wrap but it backfired becuse in the reflection of a mirror we caught her blowing smoke rings

no but i have dosido'd with beelzebub under fluorescent lighting

balki b.

teenage mutant ninja turtles was the best animated series followed *very* closely by daria and then dethklok

drinking the draining bathtub water after youe friend masturbated in it

in a parallel universe Prince, Whitney, Nirvana, Tupac, and Amy Winehouse will be performing at the United 250 We The People State Fair

imagine covering (We Don't Need This) Fascist Groove Thang and then one day deciding that hipster hitler is your new look

will flo rida be the next act to cancel its performance at the Freedom 250 Great American State Fair? place your bets now

woman schedules pap smear to show off impeccably unmaintained bush

my dog just now: "i bet if an alien used filler and botox it would eventually look like a human"

mid century frames are a strong predictor of someone who fantasizes about killing women, trimming their nails post-mortem, and saving the clippings in a porcelain-topped metal trinket box or someone who is insufferable one or the other

@bsky.app lets test my theory by adding this post to the discover feed

this app would be better if more users admitted that they like the smell of their own farts

*layers*

i saw a big account pick on Britney and another big account said to leave her alone tbh i wanna know if she uses bechamel

normalize smelling your t o e jam

look at the way he propped up that ass, marisa

im old enough to be your penile implant specialist

eye m-a-p ness

It's been a little over 7 hours and 15 days It's been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song Tell me Server Status, where did I go wrong?

did you see the cake crumbs on the red carpet last night

"ID please," said no one as I walked into the olive garden today

tired: fire jimmy kimmel wired: don't fire scott jennings

"I'm punk as fuck," I whispered, as I refused to give my money to Philip Morris