Apparently you can claim Canadian citizenship if your great grandparents were Canadian. My *great great* grandparents were Canadian. 🤦🏻‍♂️

This week I turn 48. I also still regularly dream I’m Spider-Man.

White House UFC fight sponsored by Brawndo - “It’s got electrolytes!”

These are not private orgs, these are government agencies we pay for. Barring putting lives in danger, the public should be privy to EVERYTHING they do.

I thought the White House was too insecure and we needed a ballroom. 5,000 UFC fans on the grounds is fine, though?

The finale of Starfleet Academy - “let’s all have long emotional conversations during an emergency!” Smells like it was written by Discovery writers.

My go-to move when seeing a celebrity in public is making them uncomfortable by staring at them while thinking, “is that…nah, it isn’t…well maybe…”

Brainstorming with creative people is exhausting. You’ll be narrowing down to a solution and suddenly it’s “what if we blow up everything we’ve been talking about and do THIS instead?!?” Ugh.

These guys are a lot of fun, help them out!

Chicken breast, or shy boob?

The Producers starring Jack Quaid and Jack Black

“But I’m drinking milk…”

Is the new Harry Potter an 11 year old boy or a 30 year old lesbian?

My mother is in her seventies, which means 90% of her texts to me are which of my relatives are now sick or dying.

Wow the end of Born Again Season 2 sucked

What is the point of the iOS preview app? Browsing my files was so much easier in the Files app.

Is it just me, or are Hostess fruit pies WAY different than back in the day? Less flaky crust, less filled, less chunks in the filling

Recently I got it in my head to acquire Didi Seven, the miracle stain treatment from the 90’s. Two things now that I have it - 1) it smells like absolute death, and 2) doesn’t really get out stains

I HATE the way the episode titles are styled on Maul Shadow Lord. Looks like something I would have whipped up in 2002.

There’s gotta be a better way to say “don’t show sports in my feed” than blocking every single sport and team name one at a time @bsky.app

Once we stop this redistributing arms race, I propose that the outcome should match the results, i.e. if 60% vote Democrat, 60% of seats should go Democrat. If the result is more than say 5% off, districts should be changed before next election.

There are few work skills more useful than being able to type quickly. Sitting there watching “…” for five minutes to get 3 words is not a good use of my time.

To the father that brought his obviously ill, sniffling mouth breathing son to sit by me at Project Hail Mary yesterday…fuck you.

If you’re not a Progressive, are you a Regressive?

My gf and I were at the same resort as Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin. Perseus said good morning to me!

If you’re going to automatically register for the draft, you can automatically register to vote too

I was in Bora Bora last week

When Twitter is ONLY bots, how will we know?

One Battle After Another is…not good.

“He sits alone on his giant throne, pretending he’s the king. A little tyke who’s rather like a puppet on a string. And he throws and angry tantrum and if he cannot have his way…” A pox on the phony king of this land.

I miss ThinkGeek April Fool’s

“They shouldn’t be citizens just because they were born here!” - person who did nothing to be a citizen but be born here

Our current administration too often uses “emergency” powers meant for people operating in good faith, for ACTUAL emergencies. Those loopholes need to be closed.

If you sell a cleaning appliance with no storage for its attachments, you’re doing it wrong.

Every cost in the Ted show is $80 - missing rental tape, tow fee, therapy session. I cracked the code.

I’m not for all these changes to voting, but I have to wonder if Republicans would end up fucking around and finding out. If Democrats have the market cornered on the young and well educated, they can more easily jump those hurdles.

Why haven’t they figured out a way to make metal roofs that look like regular shingles?

When you go to AI for everything, you’ve literally lost your mind.

I just read the phrase “survival of the richest”. Great way to describe the American healthcare system.

How old does a song need to be before it goes from “cool and edgy” to “played in grocery stores and doctor’s offices”?

I love that Golden Girls did clip shows without reusing old shows

Years ago, I would get a Panera Sierra Turkey sandwich on Asiago focaccia bread, real turkey breast and it came with a pickle spear. Today the closest is on plain white sandwich bread, turkey lunchmeat, no pickle. How far the mighty have fallen.

Why don’t toilets have pedals that lift the lids like trash cans do?

I swear the spokespeople for the admin just use a response generator- “These…” (choose at least one) - leftist - biased -radical -unelected (Insert name of person or group, ex. judges, pope) “are” (insert insult, racism OK) “and can’t stand that” (insert sycophantic praise of president)

Is it possible our entire administration is from the Mirror Universe?

I want a Predator Badlands style video game. Travel to planets, hunt the most dangerous game, upgrade your gear, repeat.

Losing an hour of sleep so people can play golf has gotta be top 10 stupid things humans have come up with

If we’re going to let the president wage war at all, there should be a time limit where it must stop without Congress authorizing it

There should be a law passed that any glasses with a camera need a bright orange ring around the camera just like all fake guns require an orange plug for safety