I’m a middle aged man but to me Sabrina Carpenter reminds me of when bugs bunny dressed up as a lady.

I like how the daycare scandal is that people who don't speak English very well don't trust a guy with a camera is who is clearly telling lies in order to try and harm them and fail to violate the privacy of the children they are trusted with.

When Cameron Winter sings "I need your feet more than you do" I feel that, yes, in the pervert way.

My game of the year is the janky civ roguelite 9 kings. It's deliciously glitchy and unbalanced and the game is basically about finding a way to break the game gameplay is one note and shallow but with 9 different kings with their own units buildings and mechanics it's broad and varied.

I hate to say but if you get a thousand hugs from 10,000 lightening bugs all that means is that 90% of lightening bugs don't want to hug you.

The grinch is not so intimidating when you realize he and everything he hates live on a tiny speck of dust and they need to beg an elephant for their lives.

When people make a big deal about how in the Bible the commandment is actually "thou shalt not murder" instead of "thou shalt not kill," why do you want god to be okay with you killing someone so much? That's sus.

If I were the wet bandits I would stick to burglary against unoccupied houses. The presence of a kid who could potentially be a witness would be enough to deter me. While the house was particularly nice and the family was unusually rich it was not worth the additional risk.

Mavis Beacon in a John Henry style battle against voice dictation software giving herself terrible carpal tunnel before ceding one more arena to the machines

www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-ne... life doesn't have a reset button

War crimes are cringe

Don't vote for Trump just because you don't feel free to tell your significant other what you really think about cowboy Carter. Just be honest and let the chips fall where they may. You have the freedom to think what you want to think and only you can take that away.

Let’s all share our favorite clips from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to celebrate 10 years of TV magic. I can’t think of anything personally but I’m sure there must be something good.

Tik Tok style short form video works on me. It captivates my attention. It is like how a full grown cat will become compliant if you grab the skin of the nape of its neck like a mother cat might. It works on me and I'd like it not to. Yet YouTube Facebook Instagram all increasingly are tik tok.

Up until like 1996 you could still see a hot babe and say "daddy likey" without losing it all That's what woke took from us

If you see someone trip it's very alpha to say to them "I saw you trip"

The NYPD had called a sick out based on a rumor that under Mandami they will no longer be permitted to ask "did you call for the NYPD?" And respond by grabbing their crotch and saying "NYPDeezNutz" regardless of the victims status.

I'm a single issue voter that issues height. I keep writing in Bill DeBlasio, but he hasn't won in a while :(

Those signs that say you don't want a dog to shit on your lawn are so gross. I don't want to see the black outline of a dog squatting to take a poop. Keep that filth to yourself.

What was the shoe situation at the time the phrase "goody two shoes" was coined. Feel like it must have been pretty dire if "oh you think you're so great with your two shoes" was resonant.

I said I wanted a drone for Father's Day but I didn't mean a lecture about how I was putting audiobooks ahead of my relationship with my child.

Damn why they give children's toothpaste flavors like sparklefun and adult toothpaste flavors like arctic punishment

Fucking Pissed That Kurasawa's The Bad Dream Well isn't about a scary well that gives you nightmares and is instead about how those who exploit others for their own gain live uncomplicated lives of comfort and pleasure.

We should call email mail and physical mail pmail

I saw that an elderly Chinese woman had just signed up for the “qi gong for seniors” I have been teaching at the rec center and I have been calling in sick the last two weeks because I am terrified she will find out I have been making it up as we go along.

In the matrix getting injected with pure data in an awed monotone I whisper "I know excel"

It's funny that conservatives go nuts worrying about how they will explain two men kissing to their kids and then try to get their kids to understand that god let his son, who is also god, be killed in order to erase the sin that we all carry from when a snake had us eat an apple at the dawn of time

I remember reading the stand because the crow creature on the cover looked cool and then I get to the end and there's no crow creature. Messed up.

It's so funny that men's every day carry is like knives and guns that they never use and a woman's everyday carry is a purse with sunscreen in it.

If you’ve met gun owners and actually see how they treat guns you’d quickly realize that they view them as toys and that the average gun owner is hugely reckless and irresponsible.

When I was a kid I could not have predicted how easy it would be to watch a naked lady dance. Seems too easy to be honest. I'm not saying it should even be that hard, but it should be more difficult than it is.

If you were taking reconstituting frozen juice concentrates as seriously as you take making a cup of coffee you would be in juice heaven right now but you aren't ready for that conversation

I feel like if someone had shown Trump candy crush at the right time in 2014 a lot of this could have been avoided. Like if Trump was addicted to doodle jump at exactly the right moment we could have been spared.

They once accidentally made a game popular with women and it was about saving up for a swimming pool and then when the neighbor you have a crush on comes to take a swim you sell the ladder and watch him drown.

We give the children too much license to use slang. They should talk more like us older folks.

The way we as a society have treated Vanna White is honestly very commendable. The letters haven't needed flipping in 30 years we have kept 68 year old Vanna White employed past the age when park rangers are forced to retire pretending to turn letters even after the actual host of the show retired.

You can drink non alcoholic beer. If you are drinking many beers because you are very thirsty it is a good idea to drink alcoholic beer for some of those beers.

I’m too scared to hang glide. What if I get addicted to the thrill of flight.

I know Mao was trying to be polite, but realistically women hold up about 78% of the sky

Let’s make a Tarantino movie but for sensitive men.

Lets just keep what is cool to wear the same from now on and save money on clothes if people try to change styles don't admit they are cool.

To me a banana tastes better than caviar I like a cheap sweet banana rather than expensive fish egg

People don’t meet people from message boards these days. Not like the good old days where people met from message boards.

Enjoy your gadget peons, I am enjoying the ultimate game. The procedurally generated novel: “Portney’s Blameless Life” where I force a generative AI to create a Philip Roth style Choose Your Own Adventure that only ends when Portney either lives a life without ever erring morally.

It’s very funny when rich people talk about how busy they are and expect you to be impressed and then the way they’re busy is talking on the telephone a lot.

I just learned that this tattoo doesn't say "Rude Boy" in kanji after all! No wonder Rihanna seemed so unimpressed.

When I see litter that includes craft beer I get pissed If you are drinking IPAs you should pick up after yourself. Leave the littering to people drinking miller light or worse have some class.

I feel like being the president is not hard. Which is why Trump and Biden were able to do it. It is just about having opinions on things. Or it can be. Anyone can be president.

The American Chinese AI arms race is so funny to me because it is on some level premised on the idea that an American would have more in common with an American developed super intelligence than to a nominally communist Chinese human being. This is obviously not true!

When did the first hoarders exist? When was sacrifice first conquered to the point when people could have too much stuff.