made the mistake of drinking a monster and a large dr pepper before i took my new stimulants ........ whoops i'm about to wipe it out with the good ol classic depressant(alcohol) anyway whatever . i may die of a heart attack eventually but not today

mining for ancient debris with an efficiency pickaxe while being prone to motion sickness is actually hell wow

ugghhhhhhhh

i really do not need this much adrenaline over a phone call every single time

this website rlly does give me the vibes of like. 2019-2021 twitter which is. not great for me

need more transmasc friends … made a friend who is on hormones and plan on finding out how bc he’s been on them for like. forever. i dont remember how old he is but like . 30ish idk. he’s cool and i hope i’m closer to that by then

highschool me was really on something else because why was i stabbing people to show my friendship

tried to warm the house up more and was rewarded with tripping the breaker which put me, an already skittish person who had just smoked weed, suddenly into complete darkness alone in my house at night.... fun times yayy

ugh

cold

had a get together with my partner’s trans coworker and his kid for their 21st birthday and it went way better than expected i am pleasantly surprised

thing i did for my partner’s 21st birthday :3 it’s a recreation of a scene from the contract music video by twenty one pilots with my partner in the place of the drummer josh dun

I feel seen by this, for a definition of “seen” that involves an ant being burned alive with a magnifying glass

dropping off the face of the earth looks more and more appealing every day, but i’m still here for some reason.. old habits die hard i guess

the urge to wildly overshare the moment that alcohol hits my stomach is going to get me in some serious trouble someday.. but not today

bpd. bpd. the voicesss

my most blessing-and-a-curse viewpoint towards art is that whenever i discover a new artist whose style i love my brain immediately latches onto it like drugs. ill be sitting there, head in my fucking hands, just staring and insanely mumbling to myself "theyre the best to ever do it. holy shit."

mlem

cooked so hard once again i think

adhd meds acquired after my psych realized the mood stabilizers were not stabilizing my mood as quickly as she had hoped since she claimed she couldn't give me adhd meds until my mood was stable which. i have my doubts. but whatever. she figured it out eventually i guess

muyyyy deathhh

how does the complimentary reimagined shader perform so much better than unbound even though i have all the style options set to unbound still. literally made the difference between borderline unplayable and mostly smooth for a shader on a low end non gaming laptop. how are they so different ?????

i think being called good for the first time in my life would fix me

blegh

partner’s family is up to some fuck shit again and this is where i have to remind them that the only thing that currently separates me from a murderer is self control

smoking weed until i forget we have a government

i don't wanna be heard, i wanna be listened to.

need a new binder... i think the mold ate my last one sigh

hey electricity in my house can you shut the fuck up

Not much to say about Trans Day of Remembrance anymore besides “try loving and celebrating us while we are alive”

therapy days are my favorite days because i get to talk shit for an hour and then get psychoanalyzed at the end it’s so fun to be on the other side of it

mlem

said sorry to my partner while smoking and suddenly was having flashbacks to the psych ward what ??????? how are those things related, brain ????? what the heck

no i don’t, no i don’t remember, remember, remember.

I know it's a tad early but I know those bitches with the buckets will be out soon. Don't gove them a penny. The volunteers may not know but the salvation army is no ally and actively combative and harmful to many queer minorities especially during the holiday season

kind of freaked out looking thru old pictures like that's. factually me but not me. but also feels like the real me. who am i

having extreme irrational anxiety and paranoia as an extremely rational logic based person is such a trip

shamefully digging the old discord server system front log out of its grave

gotta hate when the complex trauma is, unfortunately, complex

i wish i was comfortable with posting my uncensored face on here because sometimes i do something so unintentionally hot it's such a shame for it to go to waste

egh

krunk

maybe minecraft will fix me today

cool cool cool so the only decent activity i have with my mom has now been tainted with yet another instance of them respecting my teenage brother’s cishet fling more than my long-term adult queer relationship cool whatever that’s totally fine

i wish i could travel and afford to just buy hormones out of pocket in the next state over but noo i have to try to find some loophole in hopes that i have a pre-existing hormone issue and if i can’t do that i’m just fucked i love it here

sigh

the soup does in fact taste as good as it smells yay