I've never been impressed by designer underwear. I don't buy Lonsdales because I'm poor, I buy Lonsdales because I'm a bit of a tart.

THE WHOLE THING'S A GHASTLY NIGHTMARE!

They missed a trick by not calling this "FashUNHhhh Photo Ruview!"

I'm running a drum cleaning cycle in my washing machine without even having to venture to the kitchen to switch the damn thing on. We really are living in the future. 😂

Was Bruno unavailable? #RuPaulsDragRace #All-RuPaul-a-Paruza

It doesn't help that most drivers in this neck of the woods are borderline incompetent idiots with little or nothing in the way of spatial awareness.

Classic North Lanarkshire Council - close the main route into Airdrie with road works, arrange a diversion, then start digging up the diversion too, effectively crippling a town of 50,000. Fucking hell. 😫

Slip a disc?

All I see is the Cookie Monster.

Something kinda ooooh Jumping on my tutu Something 'side of me Wants some part of you Something kinda ooooh Bumpin' in the backroom Something 'side of me Wanting what you do...

The working class part of me wanted a deep fried Scotch pie supper. The middle class part of me cranked Himalayan Sea Salt over the top of it.

News used to be better

When I get a new follower.

The satire of The Boys fifth season has become so blunt and toothless that it makes the rather mediocre reboot of Spitting Image look razor sharp. The violence doesn't hit like it used to either. They're forever trying, and resolutely failing to top themselves. It's just tedious at this point.

Looked up my local candidates in next month's Scottish Parliamentary election, and the Reform UK guy looks exactly like you'd expect a Reform UK candidate to look - barely educated and slightly inbred. 🤭

Armageddon is terrible, but remember that America's only other option was diversity, equality, and inclusion.

It looks like he's threatening to commit a war crime. Does he know it looks like he's threatening to commit a war crime? Has anyone told him it looks like he's threatening to commit a war crime?

The Jaecoo 7's rise is apparently unstoppable. It's now officially the UK's best-selling car for March 2026, with 10,064 units sold, and the second best seller of the year so far, just behind the Ford Puma.

Sorry M&S, but your Bang Bang Chicken wrap isn't even worthy of the first bang in the name, never mind the second.

Odds on him extending the deadline again?

Probably my favourite Drusilla line.

If I was to describe someone to their face as a hypersensitive, thin-skinned midget with all the intellectual and emotional depth of a shower tray, and the face of a Cabbage Patch Kid, would that be mean? Good, 'cause it was fucking meant to be! 🤭

"It's funny that she's celibate, but she has the nails of a whore." 💅🤣

Talk about four seasons in one day. We've had snow, hail, rain and blazing sunshine in the space of about four hours.

I want to know what dirt RuPaul has on Zane Phillips. #RuPaulsDragRace #GoodMorningBitches

👍

Send crudes - Shock jocks sexting

Should I post a Spock based 'He is Risen! He is Risen, indeed!' joke, or a First Contact Day gif?

When we start colonising other planets and eventually other star systems, we need to leave idiots like this behind on Earth. It's the aurora you blithering simpleton!

If you see this, post a picture from whatever device you're using with no explanation.

Going out to dinner in the middle of a weather warning is really one of the most Glaswegian things one can do. 😁

How Do You Eat Yours?

"If you're feeling kinda tedious If life is seriously mediocre Here's how to get that adrenaline flowing Just step aboard a Boeing going hiiiiiiigh..."

Oh honey, you've got a big storm coming...

The story here is that pre-2021 Jaguar I-Pace's have a slightly elevated fire risk due to potential thermal overload, and that owners are concerned that it might negatively impact their car's resale value. They're already worth buttons. You can pick one up with average miles for less than £20k.

I'm kinda surprised that The Sketch Monkey on YouTube hasn't already posted a video drawing red lines all over the new Freelander 97 concept and telling us how much he dislikes it for looking 'product design-y'.

By this logic, in emotional terms, I'm a fresh-faced 30-year-old. 😎

Wait, so you're telling me the ship wasn't real?! 😨

Je telephone a lá police! 😨

When people on Grindr ask me to come and do unspeakable things to their nether regions, but they neglect to use a question mark...

Bryan is browning his meat. 🤭

Turns out that the stress and anxiety of having an elderly parent in hospital might be good for the waistline, but it definitely isn't good for the heart. My resting pulse is 73, but when I stand up, it rises to 107bpm. Hello tachycardia! 😬

Me blocking someone

Boris Johnson's Ejaculatus!

Me in cartoon form.

When I say something is a bit Wilma Deering, I'm specifically referring to her impressive collection of spandex catsuits.

The stress of having an elderly parent in hospital plus running here, there and everywhere trying to satisfy her various whims is great for the waistline. I've lost 6lbs in a week. 😬

It's colder tonight than it's been in ages. This weather can get in the friggin' bin! 🚮

Well, they do need a few more viable leadership candidates for when Starmer is inevitably ousted.

"There are no female Jem'Hadar!" scream the people who are enjoying Starfeet Academy's cancellation, but I have a counter argument for them - there are no Jem'Hadar full stop... They're not real! 😲