I love thanking the bus driver

getting my ass kicked by two thirds of a bushel

may I pleasure the court

for some reason midwesterners don’t know about boiled peanuts

I’m so grateful to be in a monogamous relationship

I’m currently working on dying of old age at probably around the normal rate

what would you do if country and western made love

jalpaniño

having a beautiful social interaction on the beach with the #1 ranked enemy of the state

GEESE

I think learning about who clavicular is took years off my life

trying to convince myself that 13.5 hours of overtime this week is Good Enough and I don’t Need to do more

news: bob dylan and butt have decided to become roommates

syndrome of a down

uhhh, yeah, you could say I’m into wishin

what the fuck is even the point of the UN at this point

why won’t girls talk about The Industrial Revolution with me!!!!!! ugh I’m such an alpha!!!

when my iPhone eventually kills itself I wanna get Somethign else but I have literally no idea what to get

I have no concept of björk

aw hell the fuck you are

I want to eat a donut because I’m tired and I feel bad but the donut is gonna make me more tired and feel worse but I wannntt ittt

org that supports people who are facing gender discrimination in the field of purchasing: Trans transaction action

I love lifting with my back I’m addicted to lifting with my back

I’m like a gay lighthouse at work all of the gay customers move towards me

communism

I don’t really like when p!nk calls me a dirty little freak

I must’ve made the Easter bunny’s naughty list this year because all he left in my basket is some adult man

I must’ve made the Easter bunny’s naughty list this year because all he left in my basket was fear and malice

unfortunately im very passionate about grocery stores

if health is wealth and ass is grass then landscapers must make a killing

apparently jesus is friggen rizzen

if health is wealth and ass is grass and i have eczema is that why im so poor

everything is perishable if you really think about it

growing up I thought it was a normal custom that if you saved someone’s life you were given a hero cake as a reward

macintosh more like smackin tush

if you had an exoskeleton do you think you would finally be happy? Yes or no

my problem is that I think a bad bit can become a good bit if you do it for long enough

gopher tortoise topher gortoise

do you think when you give birth at a hospital that they charge you per pound or is it per unit

gortoise

what if his name was gortoise

What is Elevator

insane to me just how many people buy shit off of tiktok shop

hey is it okay if I pronounce microscopic like my cross co-pick

geordie greep always has the strangest performances I’ve seen

when I was a kid I would get really pissed off every time my brother would say “quadruple”

im worried I might be stupid actually genuinely

not anymore tho #newdad

what they bring to the relationship: •house •car what i bring to the relationship: •costco card •popcorn maker