My youngest kid who was 13 at the policy of exclusion just heard me talking about it today and had never heard of it. They left for completely different reasons: church people are brainwashing assholes. Which, fair.

Dinner tonight: white lasagna and red lasagna plus chocolate cake.

Is 7:30 too early for bed? Please say it’s not too early for bed.

My son before my RACE: what’s your goal time? Me: I only have an estimate. My only goal is to finish. Him: oh, you mean run the whole thing? Me: laugh. No I have no goal to run more than about 4 minutes at a time Him: ohhhhh.

Before my marathon started, I had already logged 7,000 steps. Total today: 63,000 steps

I did my first marathon in four years this morning. I was so slow. It was 90 degrees and so very hilly. I might not do this again soon.

Which of these is the right direction for this Quaxley afghan? Blue or white background tiles?

I acknowledge that the more I lovey current life, the less I feel any interest in trying to alter the past or feeling angry about it —at least to the point the anger impacts my current happiness.

Talking to a friend in a similar place to me about how strange and unexpected the healing that is going on, the sense I don’t need to be angry at things in my past because I’m happy in my life now.

I passed my final test today for my CDFA recertification! (Monday I failed a test at 61% and had to retake Tuesday to get 75%).

I think Mormonism is less a cult than it used to be. Now it’s just a massive corporate fraud masquerading as a religion.

Really enjoyed Ladies First on Netflix. The title is boring but the Movie is brilliant and hilarious feminist critique!

If you don’t believe in Déjà vu, do you not experience it? I used to believe in it and experienced it often. Now I don’t believe and it has disappeared.

Every app I purchase and pay for monthly eventually becomes an advertisement vehicle. I hate this. Welcome to late stage capitalism.

What have I not thought of that I need to think of for traveling in Europe next week. I did check and my passport is good til 2033.

The anxiety hit without warning today after a really nice day. I don’t know why and am trying not to fuss over it. Let it move through me.

There are authors who are better humans than their books and authors who are worse humans than their books.

Heard another man complain that romance is women’s porn and awful. Dude, no it isn’t. Men aren’t dehumanized and also there’s a ton of variety. If you don’t like sex, read clean romance.

Sometimes I’ll hear someone tell me that after a divorce, both sides are in a worse financial situation and for me, no. That wasn’t it at all. I had less overall money, but 10x more just for me. And no more free labor or responsibility for his nonsense.

On a certain day next week, all breaks and non phone hours at my job have been cancelled to deal with billionaire shit.

I’m still trying to fully process the way in which helping care for my first grandchild has healed parts of me I didn’t think could be healed, 20 years after my youngest daughter’s death at birth.

I went out walking late at work today and got locked out. The security guard acted like it was MY fault I didn’t have a special after hours pass code. Well, who assigned me to work late without informing me I needed one?

So my new series is about 4 different people who have done really bad things in their past and are trying to rebuild and make recompense: 1-a man who embezzled several million from gf’s family 2-two people who cheated on spouses 3-cyber-bully whose victim died

I studied for and passed my 12 credit hour course for my CDFA recertification in preparation for going out on my own soon. Please praise me now! My brain hurts!

I went on the carousel at an amusement park yesterday with grandbaby. Still feel dizzy. So, there’s a lesson learned.

I eat two breakfasts every day. Trying to lean into this. Also: Pre breakfast Afternoon Snack Dessert Along with lunch and dinner

I’ve said on numerous occasions that I don’t believe in forgiveness anymore. But this mostly because I’ve so rarely seen any real repentance. Maybe that’s what my current WIP is exploring?

It hurts less than it used to for me to see happy couples my age, especially ones that left Mormonism together. But sometimes I hear a story about a man who moved heaven and Earth for his wife and I remember my ex telling me in front of the kids, “if terrorists kidnapped you, I’d let them kill you.”

I just . . . Mormons who insist that my leaving the church doesn’t matter to God, that it doesn’t test their faith and God will make it all work out? Honestly scarier than the ones who reject me outright. No, thanks on your expansive vision of heaven. Ick

I did a super slow run/walk outside this morning. First time in at least a year it felt really good. Heart rate under 130.

Men on Alone: I’ll do anything to get money to help my family. Narrator: except get a job.

Watching Alone and I swear every survivalist man on wants the prize money to . . . Pay for health insurance.

Watched 3 episodes of The Other Bennet Sister on my run this morning. I liked it. Second attempt though. Got a specific rec from my DIL.

A year AFTER I stopped wearing garments, a decade AFTER I lost belief, I still told myself I was going to wear “modest” clothes for the rest of my life because more comfortable. Me today, 7 years later.

Went to Red Lobster with all my kids, first time in 10 years, since one of my kids had a crazy allergic reaction. I had kid tested and nothing was found. No shellfish allergy. But still, it’s a relief

I am experimenting with no Kindle Unlimited and no Audible and it’s shown me how many books I forgot to read that I purchased already.

My daughter is visiting and she always introduces me to new reality TV to hate on. Today: Age of Attraction. It is SO GOOD! For hating everyone on it!

I sometimes donate junk to Deseret Industries. I like to think I’m using up church resources. It’s the only way to get tithing back.

Coworker just asked me to join a ND group she’s in. For a moment, I was surprised she tagged me. Then I was like, ya you’re not fooling another ND. We find each other.

My brother says he can’t watch Severance because he used to work in the building it’s filmed in. And, um? Seems super autistic, but what do I know?

I got an email from the NYT this week and it took me a while to open it and inspect it to make sure it wasn’t a scam. I did eventually click on the link included.

I’m getting a smallish inheritance from my mother. What do you think she would want me to do with it?

So today I was looking for the old marriage therapist who allowed me to be verbally abused every session for an hour. I can’t find her anywhere. I guess she retired?

I THINK I am finally at a place where I can say I am happier out of Mormonism than I was in, but it’s been a rough ten year ride.

July the audiobook will be available! Working on sequel: The Mother-Daughter Murder Club. rbmediaglobal.com/audiobook/97...

A family member is getting divorced and I’m trying to think what to say that might help. It gets better? Hire a lawyer? Take out loans? Get a therapist? Learn to love yourself? What would you say?

I tried to waste extra time today and yesterday to make up for being too productive on the weekend!

One of the fun new common interests I have with my daughters and daughter-in-law is really filthy romance novels. Haha!

Whenever I hear a Mormon woman talking about staying to make a change within I remember how fervently I believed I was going to do that ten years ago. They use you up and spit you out and do not thank you for all your hours of service. But I know I can’t stop you, so??

Man insists he is ALSO carrying an unbearable mental load because he worries about finances constantly. No, sir. That is not a mental load. That is a mental health problem. Not the same as making all appointments, buying all clothes, planning all meals, and doing holidays, gifts and vacations. No