MEMO: Employees, Mr. Lofwyr knows that extractions spike right before a large project is coming due, so he hires a number of teams himself. Can you be sure that you’ve hired the right one to get you out? (No.) #Shadowrun

MEMO: Jensen, please plan to attend our one-on-one meeting in person tomorrow. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: This was the final image before Grossman’s security feed cut out. I guess we can close the book on that one. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Subsidiary Barrytech’s H-55 cyberarm is being recalled due to a defect in the neural interface which can activate the brain’s pleasure centers when the arm is set to “crush.” We are trying to get these off the streets before the thrill-kill gangs find out about it. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Saeder-Krupp’s position remains that the construction of a fusion facility on Spitsbergen is for energy reliability purposes in Scandinavia. Claims that the energy is being diverted to the floor of the Arctic Ocean are false. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Contrary to rumor, my assistant is not dead, merely recuperating. Memos shall resume shortly. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: Maintenance is replacing an electrical outlet in the hallway outside my office today. Yesterday an FBI agent materialized out of it and wandered off in a fugue state. Mr. L says this happens every 25 years or so but it’s nothing to worry about. #Shadowrun

MEMO: I am pleased to announce that the SK has successfully completed a series of fiscal, military, and shadow maneuvers to secure a dominant share of global pumpkin spice reserves. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Strange goings on in the woods outside small towns are best left alone. We’ve lost our share of thaumaturgical project managers to their own hubris in that regard. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: All available security staff please report to the mezzanine on Level 8. A ghost lemur got in somehow and nobody can catch the fragging thing. Ah, drek, not the chandelier! #Shadowrun

MEMO: Saeder-Krupp reiterates that El Presidente is alive and well and that we wish him a speedy resuscitation. #Shadowrun

<<transcription/active>>o you mean she’s gone it’s a lunar satellite where would she go [3 sec pause] control would have seen the airlock open that’s impossible [5 sec pause] what about visual confirmation [13 sec pause] that’s absurd look you’re going to have to explain to him so I’d ge #Shadowrun

MEMO: It’s back to school week for all company schools, and students are reminded of Mr. Lofwyr’s directive that Saeder-Krupp acquire a dominant share in the world’s strategic trophy supply. Go Dragons! 🏆 #Shadowrun #BackToSchool

MEMO: The rumor going around that the executive meeting in Raleigh burst out into a table-pounding chant of “DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!” is false. They were chanting “DEBT! DEBT! DEBT!” #Shadowrun

MEMO: Saeder-Krupp’s Office of Philosophy formally rejects the Harman-Putnam “Brain-In-A-Vat” thought experiment on the grounds of decades of scientific evidence that brain vats just do not work and are therefore philosophically irrelevant. #Shadowrun

MEMO: As an update into the incident with Stanley in Elevator Bank H, Industrial Safety Division attributes the bisection to hostile deckers, and NOT the prototype high-efficiency elevator door system project that Facilities was working on. What a relief! #Shadowrun

MEMO: Following the incident that occurred during my summit with Damien Knight in the Twin Ports Economic Zone, I would like to remind everyone that, if gripped properly by one leg, a metahuman can be skipped into Lake Superior like a stone. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: Employees, do you feel enclosed? Like your life is inverted? That you can’t really leave work even when you leave work? Do not worry: that just means you *care*. 🤗 #Shadowrun

MEMO: Ever since the deadly filing explosion in Bonn there is a rumor going around that the designation “EX” on the HR Employee Roater stands for “expendable.” This is offensive and wrong. “EX” stands for “Expectation” (meaning the company expects something might happen to them). #Shadowrun

MEMO: Analytics has a hypothesis that a number of malfunctions and hardware failures over the last several years may be the result of a saboteur (designated “Raccoon”) using only analogue means. I stress that the existence of the “Raccoon” is only conjecture at this point. #Shadowrun #Plothook

MEMO: I never thought it would happen, but i was identified in the wild by @ravenwritgames.bsky.social at #ExcaliburCon. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: Congratulations to Saeder-Krupp Munitions Development Division on the successful test detonation of world’s largest non-nuclear explosive device. Also congratulations to the people of Pojan on their new lake. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Damon Van Geist will be joining me tomorrow night to discuss a joint venture with Van Geist Industries. None of you are invited. If Damon has invited you, please report to a company safe house immediately because it means he has begun one of his little games. -L #Shadowrun #Plothook

Spoken like one who does not dwell at the top of it! -L

MEMO: Mr. Lofwyr has just returned from his scheduled appearance at the Saeder-Krupp Youth Scouting Jamboree. He is very enthusiastic about the s’more technique of young Franceska Goerdt and has said it will quote: “ensure S-K dominance in the campfire confectionary market.” #Shadowrun

MEMO: Due to complex maneuvers of draconic etiquette, I am temporarily caring for Lung’s cat. Update the list of my sworn enemies to include Lung’s cat. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: Whoever is sending ominous threats to Senior Acquisitions Director Dubrovnik, please be a little less abstract. She received last week’s baseball-with-a-nail-through-it but is just confused, not frightened. If you are sending a message it’s lost in translation. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Mr. Lofwyr has bullet points for Marketing’s public apology - * Sorry * What is fashion if not a playground for fascistic, eugenicist fantasy anyway? * How were we supposed to know you wouldn’t like it NOW? #Shadowrun

MEMO: This is a reminder that when you call the Company emergency line you need to speak clearly and concisely so security can properly assist you. “Help us! It can open doors! [screaming]” does not provide any usable information for the response team. #Shadowrun

IRREGULAR ASSETS: The Arianespace lunar shuttle has made an unscheduled, unsanctioned landing somewhere in Borneo and disconnected all communications and transponder signals. A team is required to locate the shuttle and retrieve all personnel aboard. #Shadowrun #Plothook

MEMO: The latest update on Project Muscipula is that it likes Concrete Dreams music. The security applications of this knowledge are as yet unknown. #Shadowrun

IRREGULAR ASSETS: I need a team capable of operating a funnel cake machine to accompany me to a certain home in Bellevue and make as much as the children want while I have a private word with their parents about just *who* embarrassed *who* at the company outing. -L #Shadowrun #Plothook

MEMO: Few things took the shadow-world by storm as completely as the Ares Viper Slivergun. Every chrome-job in Seattle had one for most of the 2050s until things reached equilibrium with body armor. #Shadowrun

MEMO: The trideo conversion of thousands of hours of pre-Awakening “professional wrestling” undoubtedly influenced the first generations of shadowrunners. Take, for instance, the sad case of Ares executive Charles Kenwood who was killed by an “elbow drop” delivered from 15 stories up. #Shadowrun

MEMO: I have never liked the “hotshot capitalist” archetype because they make some nuyen and then think they’re geniuses in general. Example: Aidan de Kok felt the need to command his own mercs at the front lines and died hiding behind a minibar from a drone with a vindicator. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: I know everyone in Palma is in shock right now, but can we just note how clean those shear lines are? I mean, that’s amazing. Something that big you’d think wouldn’t tear that cleanly. Unreal. Oh and don’t touch it. #Shadowrun

MEMO: The Matrix Disinformation Team is working very hard lately, Employees. If you see them be sure to say thanks for everything they do! #Shadowrun

MEMO: I am aware of the concert footage of two company executives in the midst of an affair. I am livid. Saeder-Krupp holds its executives to a higher standard. Effective immediately, executives failing to keep their affairs private will be subject to disciplinary action. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: If the media calls the top of that skyscraper blew off in the wind. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Best bioware I ever invested in were tailored adrenal glands. At their current “setting” they give me a boost when I need it but I can regulate output so there’s no chronic stress. It wasn’t cheap or easy, but essential when working for you-know-who. #Shadowrun

MEMO: I am not surprised often but I am surprised that Spinrad’s AI got that contract. I once asked it to summarize the Odyssey and it tried to bite me. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: It is the position of the company that narcoject, while not technically an illegal drug, is still a violation of the company’s employee conduct policy when under its influence at work. #Shadowrun

MEMO: You know, I am recalling that a certain dragon entombed a vampire alive two ages ago and died before telling anyone where she was… That would be worth finding out. -L #Shadowrun #Plothook

MEMO: The following operations have been given the final green-light: - Operation Teaspoon - Operation Snakes & Ladders - Operation Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle - Operation Vinegar Chips - Operation Hell Is Real And You Will Not Escape - Operation Marmalade #Shadowrun

MEMO: The forensics report from Warehouse 216-C in Köln is in. It has been determined that the damage to the ceiling was caused by an individual with embedded electromagnet cyberlegs attempting to drop a grenade from the central beam. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Just as a good workout should leave you pleasantly tired and maybe a little sore, a good day at work should leave you twitchy, irritable, and anxious. #Shadowrun

MEMO: Employees are reminded that hypernormalization is one of Saeder-Krupp’s core values. #Shadowrun

MEMO: I am not sure what Spinrad thinks he will accomplish with his latest political project, but I do want a report on my desk on how to subvert and bend his new party to the Company’s will by the end of the week. -L #Shadowrun

MEMO: Unfortunately, it appears that the security algorithm that can distinguish gunshots from fireworks can be overcome by…many, many fireworks. #Shadowrun

MEMO: I did drop by that wedding everyone is talking about. Primarily because I wanted to see the groom’s reaction to my special dietary request form. -L #Shadowrun