@asewcialist.bsky.social My friend started dating a geologist. Their relationship got off to a rocky start.

@asewcialist.bsky.social Why are they called "ex-fiancées" and not "near Mrs."?

@asewcialist.bsky.social My Mexican friend bought anti-anxiety meds. They're for Hispanic attacks.

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.

@asewcialist.bsky.social 2 optometrists are getting married. During their vows, they ask if they take each other for: better or worse... better or worse... better or worse...

"political violence is never acceptable," is a phrase you don't hear politicians say after cops beat the shit out of peaceful demonstrators

@asewcialist.bsky.social Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi

@asewcialist.bsky.social I don't trust trees. They look a little shady.

@asewcialist.bsky.social Coffee was voted the best drink in the world. It was an unfair vote. There were absent tea ballots.

@asewcialist.bsky.social Who are Dr. Dre's parents? Ma Dre and Pa Dre

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a lawyer cooking dinner? A sue chef

@asewcialist.bsky.social My friend Phillip had his lip removed last week. Now we just call him Phil.

Twitter was filled all weekend with #BlueMAGA in complete denial that we'd be at war with Iran if we had voted for Kamala.

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokémon.

@asewcialist.bsky.social My doctor told me 3 years ago I was going deaf. I haven't heard from her since.

@asewcialist.bsky.social I bought a thesaurus and when I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

@asewcialist.bsky.social My dream job is to clean mirrors. I can really see myself doing that.

@asewcialist.bsky.social 1 saw a 1-legged man at the ATM. He was checking his balance.