@asewcialist.bsky.social I don't trust trees. They look a little shady.

@asewcialist.bsky.social Coffee was voted the best drink in the world. It was an unfair vote. There were absent tea ballots.

@asewcialist.bsky.social Who are Dr. Dre's parents? Ma Dre and Pa Dre

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a lawyer cooking dinner? A sue chef

@asewcialist.bsky.social My friend Phillip had his lip removed last week. Now we just call him Phil.

Twitter was filled all weekend with #BlueMAGA in complete denial that we'd be at war with Iran if we had voted for Kamala.

@asewcialist.bsky.social What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokémon.

@asewcialist.bsky.social My doctor told me 3 years ago I was going deaf. I haven't heard from her since.

@asewcialist.bsky.social I bought a thesaurus and when I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

@asewcialist.bsky.social My dream job is to clean mirrors. I can really see myself doing that.

@asewcialist.bsky.social 1 saw a 1-legged man at the ATM. He was checking his balance.

@asewcialist.bsky.social I went to KFC yesterday and ate 14 pieces of chicken. I can now cross that off my bucket list.

Leftists in '25: We're not voting for Gavin Leftists in '26: We're not voting for Gavin Leftists in '27: We're not voting for Gavin Leftists in '28: We're not voting for Gavin Gavin in '28: *loses the general against a JD Vance/Erika Kirk ticket* Liberals in '28: Why would leftists do this? 😡

@asewcialist.bsky.social What does The Rock say when he has to go pee? "I have to go Dwayne my Johnson."

@asewcialist.bsky.social Once upon a time, there was a king who was only 12" tall. Terrible king. But he made a great ruler!

If your question begins with "Why aren't the democrats" or "Why haven't the democrats" or "Why don't the democrats" the answer is they are actively complicit in the horrors and their opposition to republicans is purely theatrical. they are owned by the same people and have been for at least 40 years

@asewcialist.bsky.social Tomorrow my wife and I are getting new glasses. And after that? We'll see.

@asewcialist.bsky.social How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? 💡 1 or 2? 1...or 2?

@asewcialist.bsky.social I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia. He said, "Go ahead. Knock yourself out."

To spell it out, the reason I hate democrats so much and criticize them more than I do republicans is because they take up all the space for opposition to republicans and use that space to give republicans whatever the fuck they want.

Liberals: don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good Me: yeah fair ok, show me the good Liberals: this isn't the time for fucking purity tests you little shit

Liberals love to say "you have to vote for democrats because they're the only thing standing between us and the fascist republicans" and then get real mad whenever somebody asks one to stand between us and the fascist republicans

@asewcialist.bsky.social What did Adam say the night before Christmas? "It's Christmas, Eve!

@asewcialist.bsky.social I fear being trapped in a small room with Santa. #Claustrophobia

@asewcialist.bsky.social What are the four most important elements in Dad Jokes? Sulphur (S), Argon (Ar), Calcium (Ca) and Samarium (Sm).

@asewcialist.bsky.social I used to teach origami, but I gave it up. Way too much paperwork.

The Chiefs got Dak with pressure early on for the pick. After that, he went 15/18 for 190 yds vs the blitz. 🥵

@asewcialist.bsky.social There's a new movie coming out about mobile homes. I just saw the trailer.