Discussing 90s lyrics with my daughter

I think that Aesop's grasshopper might have had ADHD.

Getting my hair cut tomorrow. Should I get a Women's Monobob?

Very proud of last-year me for putting the dog's festive red-and-white striped collar in with the Christmas ornaments. It's like, "Oh! Time to decorate the dog!"

Just spent 45 minutes on hold with a pharmacy, hearing their recorded message every minute or so. It was very "Our feelings for you haven't changed, Carol..."

A month before my 55th birthday and I’m feeling young and sassy

I can write you 5,000 words right now, but if you want them to be in any particular order, that's gonna take longer

Cracking myself up at my annual hearing test, imagining saying words that the recording didn't ask me to say. The one that almost made me start laughing for real was "glandular."

There was an international camera crew in my neighborhood, interviewing people on the street about Halloween in Washington, DC, and long story short, I think my dog just pooped on Estonian TV.

Typed the name Jeffrey into a text with my husband, and this was the predictive text selection my phone offered me

The other day, one of my kids accidentally made a reference to "Pavlov's gun," and now I'm spending a lot of time wondering abut Chekhov's dogs.

Well, this makes me worry for the fate of humanity

Jeez, there’s a story there

Hang on. Are there Capuchin monks AND Capuchin monkeys?

The book I ordered was not, in fact, called "Fiction Novel" (which is redundant anyway). But thanks, Amazon, for helping me reduce everything to it's mosr basic function! "Brain bored! Need fiction novel!"

Me, about to die underwater in my "not Penny's boat" era: "Scissors! When you cook a frozen pizza, cut it with SCISSORS!"

I feel like this garbage can is insulting me. And is maybe also an alien life form.

Thank you, random girl at the airport who said you liked my dress! I don't think I've ever forgotten a compliment I've gotten from a stranger. Good reminder that tiny gestures count.

Feculence isn't an approved Spelling Bee word? What a slap in the face to newly minted Emmy winner Tramell Tillman!

When you have a child who's away at college, it's important not to overwhelm them with texts. Wait until you have something really important or interesting to say.

Me at the Renaissance Festival: “Well, I *am* running low on corsets and flower crowns…”

I wish this was real. It would be so cute.

Me at any airport or train station: “Wow, I can’t believe that hard-sided luggage has made such a comeback!”

Continuing my occasional series of hot takes on songs that are 30 years old or more, I believe that Billy Joel's "Downeaster Alexa" is narrated by a ghost. Discuss.

Oh, not a word? Wake up, Spelling Bee

The fact that "codeine" is spelled with an EI instead of an IE really spices up all those mnemonics about your foreign neighbor, the weird overcaffeinated sheik

Spelling Bee clutching its pearls when I type TURD. You know it's a real word, you cowards.

All my life, I've thought there was a flower called a gladiola. My grandmother used to talk about her gladiolas. Now I find out it's gladiolus? Either this is the Mandela effect, or my grandmother was wrong about something, and neither of these options is okay with me!

If I'm good at rhyming, but don't think a career in rap is for me, how can I enjoy and maximize this skill? I've also ruled out novels in verse. Probably.

I just told my husband that New Zealand has a very serious annual pie award, and this may be the thing that convinces him we need to go there someday.

Spring Thursdays are deceptive, because they always feel like Fridays, and they always aren't.

I think maybe I'm getting tired of podcasts.

My mom and uncles, who grew up in southeastern Massachusetts, spell drawer “draw.” That’s how they pronounce it, so that must be how it’s spelled!

"Middle-aged" has got to be the biggest linguistic lie we tell ourselves. I'm out here every day, pretending like I think I'm going to live to be 108.

"I'm just trying to take care of the car." -Dickhead who's trying to upsell me when I say I only want an oil change

How to maximize the surprise of an April Fool's Day prank: do it on March 15th! These are "chicken nuggets" (pound cake, frosting and cereal crumbs) with "onion rings" (red licorice, white chocolate and cookie crumbs). Delicious *and* surprising!

When is Spelling Bee going to start accepting COCKBLOCK?

My husband is trying to teach our dog the word "postprandial," because that's when she seems to want her walks.

Jesus Christ, this decorative pillow cover is a sham

So my name is Carolyn and my husband's name is Evan, but the dog knows us as Marilyn and Devon. The kids started this years ago, creating portmanteaus of our names plus Mom and Dad. But now kids are in college and we live alone with the dog, and it feels like it's too late to reintroduce ourselves.

Was out walking my dog, and a toddler in a stroller pointed and said, "Why isn't that doggy wearing shoes?" So I guess maybe that tells you something about my neighborhood

"Puppies in pajamas": that's the phrase you want to Google today. Very soothing.

I’m going to create an app called That Guy, to help old people watch movies. You tap a button marked “Is that the same guy?” And it will say, “Yes. This is the guy you saw buying a ticket in the first scene.” Or “Nope, different guy. This is the first time we’ve seen him.”

My airplane seat, acting like we have some kind of relationship

Wow, nothing gets me off to.a good start more than waking up to an email from my mother with the subject heading "The World."

Which Schoolhouse Rock episode did all these people miss?

Ohhh, I see where I've gone wrong with my crossword puzzle. Apparently, Shelley never wrote a poem called "Tom Skylark."

Wonderful article in @washingtonpost.com about my dear friend @paulawhyman.bsky.social and her fabulous new book BAD NATURALIST! wapo.st/4hyVO5v

The hold music for my dermatologist's office is The Hall of the Mountain King, over and over again, and WOW is that an intense vibe for thinking about your skin

I don’t think I’m a super-amazing writer. I think I’m pretty good; I have my moments. But every once in a while, I’ll remember a particular line or phrase, and I’ll think: Yeah. I like that one. And that can be enough to propel me through another writing day.