Putting the razorblades and fentanyl into the candy by hand sucks. They should just make Halloween candy that already got that shit inside it

Why they got a JOI machine at the gym???

how are all my little pogchamps doing today?

I got a weighted vest for cardio and it makes me look like one of those military larpers that's going to say the most racist shit in the world

Deadlock more like Fedlock. I only threaten to murder like 13 or 14 other players out of anger and then the feds show up to my house about it. Utter woke nonsense

The Joker: "why so serious" The Woker: "I'm bi curious"

Have any of those twitter porn reply bots said something like "I'm like Charlie Kirk too the way my neck game is viral!"

Whenever I need to blow off some steam I call ICE on myself and then blow their head smooth off when they break into my house masked with no warrant

Reddit, I sort of did a thing and murdered my whole family because they ate the last red velvet cupcake even though I CALLED DIBS on it. Am I the asshole here?

All the reporting about the shooter having a trans roommate and/or partner gives a subtle implication that trans people have mind control (how did they find out...)

So would it be a good or bad time to launch as a soundcloud rapper called Charlie Perc?

Just going to say that Megan Thee Stallion survived getting shot so I think I know who to stan...

Just learned that my cousin died yesterday. I didn't really know him at all so I'm a bit confused on how to feel. I was told he died in the line of duty but he was just a podcaster so now I'm even more confused. No way that shit is dangerous

Why does everyone think he was shot? Maybe his neck just did that

Wasn't going to join the military but then I saw a Twitch ad so I just might...

I got a job at Mar-a-Lago and they keep Barron in a cage and throw peanuts at him

It's called "going to the john" because in the 1600s there was a guy named John who was really into being a human toilet for the whole village

I cummed all over the labubu and it stopped smiling 😈->👿

Lately I've been thinking about getting into having delusions of grandeur. What does everyone think?

I don't fuck with squid games because I hate that asshole squidwart

I solved The Voynich Manuscript and it's just telling me over and over that I should kill myself and that nobody will believe me that I deciphered it

The LockpickingLawyer broke into my house and nobody believes me

Open carrying in this chuck e cheese so the kids don't have to worry about the animatronics coming to life and can feel safe

Timeskip arc in the bible is TRASH. why the hell would I want to see what his son is up to?

Heading to the bazaar (the walmart) on my dromedary (a 2017 Ford F150 with 24% APR)

Dressing up as chiaotzu and blowing myself up at the capitol

At the grocery store: "man I don't know if I want my cum crunchy or creamy"

If I was a world leader I would assert my dominance by blasting ropes all over the inside of my jorts the second we start our diplomatic meeting

The whole JFK assassination was an accident. He was actually planning to show off his new tech that gave him i-frames but he fucked it up and they pinned it on Oswald so the president wouldn't look dumb

Big science doesn't want you to know that you can just paint right over mold and then it can't hurt you anymore

Movie theater audiences if @jamesgunn.bsky.social locked in and added Streaky the Supercat to Superman 2 and gave him an action sequence to Streaky by Death Grips

The Kids Next Door has been operating since the beginning of time and yet there is no mention that they ever tried to stop Epstein Island trafficking...

Getting a recall notice on my car that it will randomly explode and then driving around DC until it happens

If I was Mr Beast I would put a bounty on Netanyahu and Putin then make a video out of it

"I'd go back in time and kill Hitler! I'd go back in time and win the lottery!" Stupid and lame. I'm going to Ancient Egypt and getting a wingjob from Horus

Mainstream media posts shit once a day like "recently uncovered video of Trump talking about raping children" but in reality its not uncovered its been out for the public to see for years and they only started caring because its profitable now

Dressed up as Shulk and getting my balls crushed: "I'M REALLY FEELING IT!"

Grok is just a shipping container full of people googling and replying to everyone that @'s them

Trafalgar Law is stupid. If I had his devil fruit I would just use Room and then give the enemy testicular torsion

So Radiohead can sing Creep on Conan and become beloved but when I serenade my first date with it everyone in the Wendy's boos and throws ketchup packets at me

Started working out to Alvin and the Chipmunks music lately and started crushing PRs

If i was the president during 9/11 I would've blow up 3 of our own towers to one up the terrorists and show them that the US is number 1 at everything! 🦅🇺🇸

Hitting xqc on the head with a pan to see if he talks normal afterwards

Going to a 4DX movie not because it's cool but so I can get an L3 fracture and get more prescription painkillers

Joe Biden is a dumbass because if I was in his position I would have just made an executive order adding 40 new months to the calendar so January 2025 wouldn't arrive and Trump couldn't be put in office

It's too fun to just make up stuff online about celebrities. I'm saying all kinds of crazy shit about sonic the hedgehog what's he gonna do about it?

Putting alien invasion videos on at the nursing home and telling them that shit is real

I killed someone with my mind powers and the police wouldn't believe me so now I'm free

If I was up for an Oscar and someone else won instead of me I would go on stage during their acceptance speech and do a backflip but fail it and really hurt myself so I get all the attention and not them

I will only be friends with other fisters (Guude Boulderfist fans)