I have to start my own cult. I'm not much of a joiner.

Trump couldn't stop the only war that really matters, the Ice Cube "War Of The Worlds"

Winston Peters saying New Zealand is "not ready" to recognise Palestine makes it sound like we collectively had a big night, slept through our alarms, and need an extension on the HUMAN RIGHTS assignment.

Human: The other other white meat.

Even a stopped escalator is right once every 80 years.

Is the rapture on GMT or Jerusalem time?

If I get raptured, for the first week, everyone will just assume I've gone on a bender.

Can't wait for all the cunts to get raptured.

Sometimes bad things happen to bad people.

The bridge in Jeff Buckley's 'Last Goodbye' makes me cry every time.

The real world can sometimes be too real... for my liking

I used to be a comedian and sometimes still think I'm funny is a heady mix that nobody who used to be a comedian and sometimes thinks they're still funny should never fuck with.

I'm listening to bulk TOOL again. Nature is healing. ✖️🎼🔧🌿🏥

Current circumstances dictate I can't help but think if the NZ Comedy Trust came at me to recind my 2009 Billy T Award for a show unrealistically and arrogantly called "Chris Brain in: A Better Place" I'd have nary a moral leg to stand on.

I used to believe I was a high functioning fuckup. Turns out I'm just a regular fuckup who knows a few extra words. You'd think humiliation loses meaning after you learn how many times other people thought you should have been humiliated + the times you felt humiliated. Nope!

This cold snap is coming at the perfect time. I've made so many basic tech fuckups recently, and fallen over in 4 of the past 5 days I believe it's about time to book passage on the most convenient iceflow.

Top Tip: If you're in even a mildly bad mood never walk down a crowded street whilst listening to Bittersweet Symphony.

This is either the cover of a Frank Sinatra album or a Stephen King novel. I guess it depends on whether I make it to the bottom in one piece.

I'm learned the word analgesic by playing rhe text-based Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy game on my Commodore 64.

Sometimes you scroll for ages looking for a thing to watch and some days the universe just tells you to watch The Princess Bride.

One thing about transitional housing is you get the best stuff. Yesterday I was offered a taste of the true black meat; the flesh of the giant aquatic Brazilian centipede.

"This must be how the other half lives." wildly fucks up the ratio.

I introduce myself as Chris rather than Christopher because I don't want people to think I'm pretentious until after we've discussed the oeuvre of TOOL.

Well. I've reached the point of my stay in "transitional housing" where I've streamlined my shower routine to a pace where the automated lights don't switch off and leave me naked in a pitch black cubicle. There's some "glass is half full" reasoning for ya!

I know the perfect place for JD Vance to host that WTF How Do We Cover Up This Whole Epstein Clusterfuck? dinner party. There's an unused island in the now horrifically ironically named Virgin Islands.

I think, like some of you, I had living in a homeless shelter on my Chris Brain Life Bingo Card. Who's the loser now?!?!

shelter has the same name as the psych ward that hosted me. Ain't life an hilarious motherfucker?

Technically a great uncle.

Joseph Heller only wrote Catch-22. I live it.

It's meiosis that divides us.

If Trump's ankles get any fatter Eric and Jr will shoot him and use his legs as umbrella stands.

I went to Coldplay in November and now I'm single. Coincidence??? I think not.

Sure, my life may be in shambles, but I've lost 6.5 kgs in two months and my beard is looking tight.

Like measles, we were so close to eradicating NZF and then a bunch of fucken antivax cookers piped up and ruined it for the rest of us.

AMCD: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard, Float Along - Fill Your Lungs youtu.be/PPb6_TnbhgI?...

AMCD: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard, Eyes Like The Sky youtu.be/EEIdgIFeqNE?...

AMCD: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard, 12 Bar Bruise youtu.be/s2PjdldHnko?...

AMCD: King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard: Willoughby's Beach youtu.be/zokGGBuKpyw?...

Boomer Prozac

Resignation is the absence of ignition.

AMCD: COME ON YOU SPURS!!! youtube.com/shorts/IVb5R...

I'm not crying. My beard is raining. #COYS #THFC

AMCD: Mogwai, Come On Die Young youtu.be/i1HZm5KhuGk?...

AMCD: The Dillinger Escape Plan, Calculating Infinity youtu.be/jiKjcrniJKY?...

AMCD: Filter, Title Of Record youtu.be/h8MAHQhKe7Q?...

AMCD: Nirvana, Nevermind youtu.be/pkcJEvMcnEg?...

AMCD: Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique youtu.be/BptQHAW2T5M?...

AMCD: The Smashing Pumpkins, Siamese Dream youtu.be/xmUZ6nCFNoU?...

AMCD: Alice In Chains, Dirt youtu.be/zTuD8k3JvxQ?...

AMCD: Radiohead, The Bends youtu.be/LCJblaUkkfc?...