My brother-in-law thinks he's discovered some sort of quantum object that will give nearly unlimited energy to power his home. Just overheard my wife ask him over the phone "so how's that electricity thing goin'?"

🎵 Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, kill your darlings, when it's time. They'll be lost and gone forever but your project will be fine 🎵

Gonna rebrand myself as a "Booksmaxxer" and change my name to "Readicular".

More like "Man Assault Sam"

My mom got all hot and bothered watching a clip of Tom Hiddleston dancing and it was so weird to see her get low-key nuts for Loki's nuts

Why should you be careful letting a transgender cow drive your car? They never learned to steer.

Something is wrong with this rice, orzo it seems.

Did you hear about the Irish guy who tried to trick Jesus into healing him? It was a real Leper-Con!

I didn't realize the Oscars started so early! Can't believe I was late to complaining about how much I don't care about them!

Oscars streaming live on HuGivesAShit

I gave up added sugar for Lent! It's been good so far. I haven't lost weight like I'd hoped but my poops have become much more... professional

Currently watching the Walking Dead with my kids and the only point of reference I have is this song which I love, but it did spoil a key plot point we just arrived at here in season 3, and the line kept repeating in my head as it happened. youtu.be/Q9aM9Ch97U8?...

All these conservatives in Kansas suddenly have a newfound life of what they call "science".

Can you get paid for being depressed

Grey Pop Dijon Hunter

When the bookings are light, I include made-up show names on my website for my own amusement

The saddest part of the guy who played Harold dying is now someone has to tell the woman who played Maude 😢

I'm on TikTok! I make all kinds of videos but this one is just some clips of the first two days of the SFUSD teachers' strike.

I'm on TikTok! I make all kinds of videos but this one is just some clips of the first two days of the SFUSD teachers' strike.

Very disappointed in Bad Bunny. I did some research about him on the web and it turns out he's not old enough to be President

I grew up loving sitcoms so sometimes I'll remember I now live about a mile away from the Full House house and it gives me a little thrill.

"He's not racist, he's just old and not thinking right" is a bad defense for a grandpa, let alone a fucking president of the United Fucking States of America

We should have an umbrella term for pedophiles, hebephiles, and ephebophiles. Call em epsteinphiles

When Trump dies a lot of people's personalities will become Barron

Imagine having a past so bad you audibly shit yourself on TV as a distraction from it

The wrong person from Home Alone 2 died

Absolutely legendary theme song

RIP Scott Adams. I really liked that time when you were on News Radio

I love that Mark Ruffaloed some feathers.

I miss when TikTok was more about weird duets and stitches and just playing with the form and having low-res fun. That's my complaint today. TikTok came out when I was already "Internet old" and yet I'm still nostalgic for how it used to be

No no you don't understand Trump is playing two-dimensional Hungry Hungry Hippos

Today my complaint is that a woman was murdered by ICE and I'm fixated on it and there is no solution and no way to let it go. It will fade, eventually, I guess. But that only dulls my rage with sadness. We will die of apathy

Today's complaint is all the bootlickers who can't get enough shoe leather in their mouths to be satisfied. I guess it's half cult-mentality, half fear. The sense that they wouldn't "foolishly" put themselves in danger, they would obey orders, they would do the exact right thing and not get shot.

The only reason I make mistakes is because nobody likes someone who's right all the time.

Today I'm complaining about ICE. The organization. They fucking suck. And I'd add on to it that I should have recognized that earlier in my life. It's so obvious now. It obvious and yet some people will be keeping those agents' boots shiny, licking away on a daily fucking basis.

Today I'm complaining that Christmas somehow both takes up the better part of a month and yet goes by too fast. I can never do all the Christmassy things I want to do. And it gets worse as I get older. This is a basic observation but... <shrug.gif>

Today's complaint is w/ my mind. It tells me we need swaths of space and chunks of time buffered around any moment of creative work. I can't seem to concentrate for 10 minutes unless I have 10 minutes of alone time on either side of it and no one closer than 20 feet. My spark of genius is a hermit.

Today I'm complaining about the shitshow FB served up to me yesterday. 1st thing is a comedian claiming "the left" complains about anything Trump does simply because he's Trump. Then I have a Dem Zionist calling out "LefTeas" for supporting Mamdani. And finally I see a YouTuber attacking trans ppl.

Today is the day Trump is truly presidential

I am complaining every day in 2026 and right now I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against everyone who decided we needed to invade fucking Venezuela?!? AND the people who voted for this shit?!? What the fuck?!?

Just realized that "House," a character based on Sherlock, is a pun on "Holmes" (Homes)

"Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas? But didn't we watch that a few years ago?" said my mother, the woman who took a short break from the endless loop of crime dramas playing at her house to come to our home on Christmas Eve.

Every "Best of Year" list get released in the middle of December and it's dumb for 2 reasons. It implies the year's over when there's still ~8% left. AND there is already plenty going on in December! Let me read n' write that shit in Jan when nothing's happening! I am complaining my way through 2026

I might start using this as a place to bitch and moan about my life and whatever else. Just be the biggest complainer on Bluesky. You should too. Let's get salty in 2026. Why get better when we can get bitter? Happy Fucking New Year

I've hit a wall as far as performing stand-up goes. I have zero things booked for the rest of the month/year/my life. I know I could have more than nothing if I asked for sets. But I don't know if I can limp along doing a set every week or so. Might be time to accept it just didn't happen for me

I still don't know how to use this website

You've heard of "elf on a shelf," now get ready to forget that shit around my kids. We have enough going on here without more nonsense.

Some time ago, in a misguided effort to "stick it to the man" and possibly while high, I decided to make my default search engine Bing. And, I gotta say, it really sucks. Like a lot. It was a bad choice. Just like deciding to write this instead of fixing the problem. I'm not good at life, tbqh

Always was a big fan of Schlub and Schluber