Doesn't everyone want a screaming baby handed to them immediately after sex?

Finally got out on this beast for the first time since getting hit by a car in Feb. It was nice.

Buying all the ramen at kroger to snort the flavor packets

Do hit them, but with funky drum breaks

So much bubble discourse. But no mention of bubble buddy. You are all dead to me

Shaka, when the walls fell

WAKE UP, EVERYONE! My cat is bored.

Evergreen

Did I type that? Or just think it?

"you got the power to command spiders?" "No" "Be a lot cooler if you did"

"My friend corndog, you know, that skittery guy who's always walking back and forth from the gas station? Anyways, he told me about this secret code where you don't have to pay your taxes..."

We're about a week away from drilling for uncouth oil

People talk a lot about 9/11 and how it changed everything, but that's Judgement Night soundtrack erasure, imo

I was led to believe that humanity would have been saved from itself by a giant coronal mass ejection by now. what gives?

Consumer confidence is down. Hardly anyone is trying cool shopping cart tricks.

So I stole my town's tornado siren to teach myself synthesis. Sure, a lot of people died. What of it?

We're about a week away from drilling for uncouth oil

All these years later And I still find myself wondering what taking ketracel white is like Probably pretty awesome, right?

Slow mo shots of angry children at football ⚽ matches

Sigh Even the *user was blocked for this post" account is boring today

I've been thinking about the rearview mirrors in the movie Quadrophenia whenever I need a little pick-me-up lately. It's pretty effective

I didn't think it was possible for a fish to look coked up. But there it is

Indeed, my friend

What if their parents are werewolves? I just don't think this person has thought this through.

Nothing says punk rock like a limited edition Marshall stack

Probably unrelated. But I have been tossing my banana peels around town in an attempt to introduce more whimsy into the world. Mario Kart style

A motorcyclist? With meth? Well, now I've heard it all.

I have this mental illness where, every spring, I become convinced that THIS year it actually makes total sense to pay close attention to what the Miami Dolphins are up to. There is no known cure or treatment

May I suggest we start just making note of non-cicada years.

I keep looking at clocks, etc. right at 12:34. Even the cd player that is somehow 4 hrs and 29 mins off. I think I might be possessed

Everyone, I'd like to introduce this week's guest essayist

Dr: "have you experienced speaking so softly or slowly that people can't understand you, or fidgeting to a degree people find distracting?" Me: "both of those things are pretty normal for me" Dr: ..... Me: "uh, no. If the question is am I doing that more than normal" Dr: .... Me: "no"

PSAs about gas leaks should be significantly less weird than the one I just heard. I am now uncertain if I actually heard it or if I have a gas leak

Did I type that? Or just think it?

Where was Shirley?

Foods so expensive I had to get a stationary chicken

Well, now that you mention it, I guess my foot WAS sort of asking for it. Carry on, Mr. Scrimshaw. #catsofbluesky

Do you ever worry nobody is seeing your posts because you don't have enough flags in your username? I do.

Gloomy #caturday Gibbs Zebra "Gibbs" Gibson takes a moment to mug for the camera before returning to watching the birds and squirrels

It's spelled J-E-T-E

Suburbs go nuts on July 70th

As a mumbling Gabe, people have often thought my name was Cade. To which I was always like "what the fuck is wrong with you? That isn't even a name" But now it is. Way to go everyone.

Fixed it

Did all the shitposters just give up?

You wanna see something crazy? I found this leaf that looks like a pokeball a while back

Seeing a lot of folks who have never been to a waffle house in Georgia

Did the cops confiscate their skeletons? I've never seen men this floppy

Spooky Sunday synth sounds

I average 600 minutes per hour by playing 10 songs simultaneously