I'm addicted to buying yarn on ebay. negotiating deals, vintage and discontinued finds, secondhand, not spending money at michaels because I hate them and wish every store would burn down

if my cat screams violently at 8am for her 9am breakfast, what happens with daylight savings time? we move forward... an hour so like uh she'll be yelling at 9 instead of 8? but then will she start yelling at the equivilent of 7am that is now 8am? I've never had a cat that can tell time before help

one day ... ONE DAYY my car will be empty, clean, fresh oil. I've had junk in the back of my car for over a year (it cycles, but it's always full) and it still needs a shampoo from a spilled vaseline incident. ONE DAYYYYYYYYY A CLEAN CARRRRR PLEASEE I WILL DO ANYTHING (except actually clean it)

in laws: dinner sunday? us: Jessica works (like I have every sunday for months) can we do a weekday? in laws: no sorry we're locked in for sunday oh okay. so they hate me??? heard

thinkin bout

praying mantis inspired names for your pets: -Melliera -Vatini -Temna -Frons -Stagmo -Rapax -Raptryx -Dera -Iris -Teryx -Oxy -Tithrone -Bantiella -Ocelli -Chopard -Gris -Rehn -Phyllo -Statilia -Tarachodes -Sibylla -Pseudo

yeah carrying groceries up three flights of stairs to our apartment sucks, but not as bad as coming home after olive gardens oof

I wish peacock tv would go bankrupt

lady in the elevator: your fly is down 💖 me: it's broken :') just one of those days immediately: crying in the bathroom bc I lost my wedding ring (it's found but it's stressing me) locked my keys in car, pants and I can't get a refill on my meds and I just hate hate hate having a broken brain

found out my cats fav toy is made of deer hair so I investigated etc apparently it's common for fishing lures but I cannot find info on making one bc all DIY cat toys are literally "crumpled up pice of paper" or some kind of trash. There is an art to trying a lure but I can't use a hook for my cat

looking up cat treats and it's starting to sound like my sushi order seafood variety tuna with scallop tuna with crab chicken and cheese? wow these are starting to sound delicious even to me

like to crunch one peppercorn whole as a treat every time I fill the grinder just to feel alive but this time wow, fearing for my life. Freshest and spiciest peppercorn of all time.

the betrayal of finding out my husband AKA LIFE PARTNER has eaten a meal WITHOUT ME??? wow. just wow.

had a dream I got marshmallows at the store and now I'm sad I don't have any. I haven't just eaten marshmallows in many years??? idk where that came from

this eight episode per season nonsense has GOT TO STOP. you mean I can binge a season in ONE DAY? what about the rest of my life???? it's over 😭 (watched pluribus with marcus, technically two days but p sure same 24 hr period tbh so good) GIVE ME MORE

the health related mental spiral and panic attack about a medication meant to stop that *exact* kind of that thing?? peak irony. sick and absolutely twisted actually

found a fairy ambiance playlist because I want some nice like harp music to focus or whatever and it has a lot of the shrek soundtrack on it. what a vibe

one of my very first acts of free will was using the wrong day of the week underwear on purpose. Yeah today feels like a tuesday and I KNOW it's wrong. what are YOU gonna do about it.

me in my dream: a 40 yr old dad. my 5 yr old son besides me tugs at my arm "papa! would you like a smoothie with your coffee?" I look down, longingly. "no son. That is simply too much liquid." I wake up.

oh to be a man studying science in 1880-1930 discovering new species literally in the backyard getting to make up whatever names finding ONE special bug and declaring it a new species and forcing people to read my work 110 years in the future getting to write with no standards

I can't crochet because my whole body is sore from carrying crap up and down my stairs into my apartment luggage from a trip xmas gifts down xmas gifts up costco up more gift down more gift up I got something heavy, sorry it's staying in the car for 8 days I can't MOVE my buttcheeks are sore

unfortunately I still have some unfinished business from my 2025 goals so I'm actually celebrating chinese new year instead this year

I just saw a girl run up to some guy in the barnes and nobles and say "I'm just going to give this to you and run away" and it was a folded up note and she ran and then be opened it and was blushing did I just witness a teen meet cute in real life? I'm gonna cry

so many benefits to celebrating christmas a few days late -go out to dinner bc nothing is closed -holiday shopping the day after xmas when everything is on sale -feeling special bc no one else gets presents today -actual holiday is pretty lowkey -finishing wrapping in time since I'm always late

can someone give me a copy of 451 with anything medically descriptive redacted I passed out in school when they put the neck chip in a d wasn't allowed to read the rest of the book lmao

one day I'll buy all my own presents and no one else will get me anything and I won't be forced to attend s.e.v.e.n. separate holiday functions and I'll have a nice meal by myself in my own home alone. Sorry to ppl who actually like this forced socializing but truly this week is worse than prison

things that make me wish society would collapse or that I was bones: -every website asking for cookie permissions -phone plans -every new phone with AI and constant surveillance and data gathering BS -mystery boxes at the mall -everything is made of plastic -health insurance -car repairs

when the scientific papers describing things use subjective attributes (I'm crying, shaking, fuming) -slightly vs strongly -"relatively small" compared to???? can we use a ratio?? -"1-2 slightly to strongly displaced" vs "1 strongly displaced" see how these overlap and they AREN'T A DICHOTOMY

just mailed a package. packed it and addressed while I was there. I had to ask two lil kids to move since they were coloring at the counter. I used to be the little kid at the post office. My parents were big ebay sellers. Now I'm the adult?? I'm dressed like a mother, those kids thought I was old

I forget that rewinding my yarn causes lil particles to fly off into the air until I'm blowing alpaca out of my nose an hour later. what have I done. definitely have damaged my lil lungies with yarn. this is not the first time. When will I learn

Still haunted by the time I was outside a concert venue, late to the show with a friend, wearing a Set it Off shirt, and some guy called out "wow I really like your shirt!!:)" he was with a group and I just waved like Ha! Ya! and basically ran away THAT. WAS. THE. BAND. ON. MY. SHIRT.

I love used books. spines you can't read because they've been open so much. A stranger's annotations and inner thoughts. Pages with ears. Water damage!! love love love

I want a mudroom. And to do Home Renovations like conceptually since I don't even own a home. A shed in the backyard. Over engineered kitchen cabinets to change my life. Silly little appliances with one niche but very helpful function. I'm approaching 30 and I can feel it taking over my brain

I asked for a christmas spoiler as a joke like I do every year all the time constantly and I GOT ONE 😈 haaaaa I know one of my gifts. the power I have is too great. I've gone against the sacred RULES and now I KNOW THE FUTUREEEE

just shed an actual tear because of a yogurt bowl in the sink I. Hate. Yogurt. I also tore a hole through my dishwashing gloves and apparently those were actively saving my life because I think my soul just left my body. I'm an adult? 😭🤢

If you make a ResearchGate account you can request access to papers that are held behind a paywall from the authors. They just keep sending them to me, like within a day. I love it. I am so powerful and now I have so much knowledge

yk what, I will never cook a whole turkey in my life and that brings me such a beautiful sense of relief and happiness

I cannot emphasize the importance of a finely ground white pepper in like every meal. People forget about it. White pepper and paprika are a better duo than regular pepper and salt okay. Want pasta to taste like california pizza kitchen? white pepper. Any time there's cheddar, white pepper.

now that I'm married and basically full grown person it's time to cement myself in a holiday cliche character. I will bring devilled eggs, I will drink one bottle of white wine all to myself. This is my calling, this is my new persona. so far from parties, eggs: 1 dozen wine: 3 bottles

wake up sooo thirsty,grab my water mug. Did not realize my entire hand was asleep. Dumped cold eater all down myself straight out of my warmth cocoon. That'll wake you up!

I think 90% of the time I've gone through the in out drive thru I've been crying but nothing brings me back to earth like the inhuman enthusiasm. Overheard "I've had THREE energy drinks in the last few hours. everything's kinda hazy" Got my food with the most uncanny and powerful grin. I'm afraid

look okay, I put up the halloween decorations November 2nd. PLEASE keep your christmas trees at bay until thanksgiving MINIMUM. Keep your curtains closed I don't need to be seeing all that. I'm crunching leaves in the rain. It's NOT TIME.

-goes to harmons. gets mayo and eggs -gets home *forgot mustard* -goes to walmart *starts making devil eggs* -realizes the mayo I JUST bought is rancid AF -goes to harmons to exchange mayo -brings a CVS receipt inside? -goes home *sees walmart receipt was actually in my car the whole time* ☠️

the fatal flaw of "I only need four things from the store" except I brought home 3 mayos instead of one... so I forgot the mustard. Gonna make a killer panini later 😛 regaining my will to live with a milky way in the parking lot before I go back in. got all the way home before I realized

mental illness on expert mode this week ☠️ I would be too powerful if I could actually function

accidently wasted a wish today was thinking how I haven't seen any black widows this season, and it's just about the right time for them Then I saw one on the sidewalk. I scared her and she waved her arms at me. could have had world peace, sorry everyone

thinking about that time I locked my keys inside my car 9 times in one year one time while it was running (my current car does not let you do that) I stopped doing that but the amount of times I am able to find the specific hat I am looking for is 0/100

someone's failed etsy shop of mass producing the most atrocious quote shirts went out of business and is now at savers. extra disappointing if they thought they were"on trend" and they made/ordered these themselves instead of dropshipping like everyone on etsy who does sell that crap

well when they named a new genus "pseudovates" would you be surprised that I'm having a very difficult time discerning them from the vates. faux vates alert!!! you wish you had the lateral margins of the pronotum expanded and non-sinuous femurs. trying to be cool with your abdominal stripes wtfe.

I see vids of double proposals and think wow that's so cute aww jealous but nothing beats the intense giddy evil joy I have that I planned an extremely obvious proposal and completely took him by surprise. I got away with it 😈 and that is way more satisfying tbh megamind over here mwahaha