Why do I do this to myself? Am I even doing it to myself? Or...?

I just can't seem to stay away.

Another year passes by me again, im unsure how to feel about it

Simmering

I don't know why I post here.

I'm doing fine if you're wondering. I barely remember it, anyways.

I don't know if my words will reach people in the way I want them to. I'll keep trying though, I can promise you that.

Not to reflect into the void, but man. I really don't know how I got here. I was trying to think about It in a little more detail and admittedly... nothing is really coming up.

My head is still throbbing from the other day and im just sitting here overthinking about my word choice in the letter. Sighs.

youtu.be/FcVPTb5feKY?... (volume warning) I didn't get to finish but there's no way in hell im trying again.

I fucked up!! but at least my recording is still in one piece. Its a bit... messed up but it wont let me go in to edit it. Not sure how that text got there either, but you know what! Fuck it! Im not going to attempt to record it again.

Woke up with fresh blood dripping down my face and my eyes still can't focus properly. Great 👍!

God fucking dammit.

Every morning this week I've felt a pit in my stomach, It makes me sick.

Mom :(

I understand now, It is warning me. For what? Who knows, there is so much It could be mad at me with. It is pointless to speculate too much. I know what I must do, I must finish my letter promptly.

Well, can't say im in a better frame of mind but its becoming more obvious that something needs to be done soon. For my sake and for others.

It all feels familiar.

Honestly, I dont really know why I even posted that

Ough. I still feel off since yesterday but sleeping helped some

I am still at peace. I am still at peace.

It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense.

20 days have passed already...? God. I lose so much more time than I think I do.

I don't understand how all of you share so much.

I promise I will make a statement about what I've alluded to soon. I need to make sure im prepared... in the right frame of mind, I suppose.

Sorry, I can't help but feel anxious still. I feel... a bit better about filming myself, it still feels odd though. I dont know, maybe that will be part of my New Year's resolution. "New year, new me" or however that goes.

Hope everyone's had a decent holiday season, despite everything.

Ive taken a few days to calm down & think... I feel more clearheaded. I'll try to record my thoughts again soon.

Ugh. Sorry, its hard for me to talk about... i'll try to film something else soon

Video soon. Probably. Im so back & forth on it. Not feeling great.

This changes things.

Hm.