After Brian Bonner died from a treatable illness in Tulsa’s city jail, records reveal a pattern of preventable deaths and ignored warnings.

Optometrist today “Well. It looks like you might need bifocals.” Et tu eyeballs?

I had a class with Carrie Underwood our freshman year at NSU before she ever competed on and won American Idol. Me hearing about people booing her on that same show all these years later.

Buckle up everyone. The “President of Peace” really showing that he earned that FIFA Peace Prize by attacking Iran along side Israel. Don’t get distracted. Trump is still all over the Epstein files. My thoughts are with the kids who are probably scared to death right now. Fuck Trump.

3d printing enthusiasts. How long after getting your first printer does it take for you to stop staring at it in slack jawed awe while it makes a chip clip? I’m on my 3rd chip clip…

“Cows on the loose disrupt NYS Thruway traffic It's unclear how the cows got on the I-90” When I said, I missed a handful of things about the south. Cows on the highway wasn’t one of those things. It was Mexican food and BBQ. It’s a weird fucking day today.

Even though I prefer it colder. I always find myself setting the thermostat to 69F. Despite the touches of grey in my beard, hair loss and wrinkles. I’m still apparently 13 years old deep down.

Canada. Some damn good hockey from you. If we were going to lose, I wanted it to be to you. See you in 4 years. Assuming my country still exists then. Follow up question. Y’all need any more bald, middle aged, overweight, white guys up there?

Ok. The Big Dumb Tariffs have been struck down. Now we boycott every company that doesn’t start to re-lower prices on new orders now that cheaper materials are available again. Every single one.

I love my family more than the universe itself. And I fucking LOVE the universe. But their voices constantly are setting off my “Loud Environment” alerts on my watch. If Sony or Bose want to hook me up with a pair of noise canceling headphones. My broke ass would be eternally grateful.

I was explaining who Kid Rock was to my 10 year old. I told him about his politics and the tpusa stuff and that he hasn’t really been relevant to music or anything else since 2005. Then I realized. Kid Rock’s irrelevance is old enough to drink! Mazel tov you piece of shit!

I feel bad making fun of Minnesota because of ICE. But as a life long Packers fan. I really want to make fun of the Vikings for picking “9” over Super Bowl Champion Darnold this season. Get Trump out of office so I can start making fun of Minnesota again without feeling shitty about it.

My 10 year old football fanatic son is so bored by the Super Bowl this year he asked to turn it to the Puppy Bowl.

At Helium to see Ron Funches. Can’t fucking wait.

If Jeff Bezos could afford to spend $75 million on the Melania movie & $500 million for a yacht to sail off to his $55 million wedding to give his wife a $5 million ring, please don't tell me he needed to fire one-third of the Washington Post staff. Democracy dies in oligarchy.

Not sure if migraine because lack of sleep. Or lack of sleep because migraine. But my brain is trying to escape my skull through my eyes.

The Epstein files were never about Democrat or Republican. It was about income. Filthy rich people doing unspeakable things to children and poor people. Billionaires shouldn’t exist. If they are guilty then send them to jail. Fuck each and every one of them.

Hey Conservatives. Since clearly you will want to give up your guns for your dear leader. I’ve always wanted a Benneli M4. At a steep discount of course. You wouldn’t want to disappoint Trump now would you? I’m sure his gestapo won’t come for you. It’s not like they shoot innocent people…oh wait…

Me: “Hi Spectrum. I used to work for you as a line tech. (I then relay all troubleshooting I’ve already done including power disconnects and most logical causes to save time) Can you please send a tech out?” Spectrum: “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” This is why no one likes you guys.

A conversation with a five year old. The punctuation is accurate to the way he said it. Me: “Buddy when you tied the knots in this yo-yo it made it where it won’t work any more. I’m sorry but it won’t work.” Kid: “I DIDN’T DO IT I did do it and I’m very sorry.” No pause. Just rapid fire.

Punk band with strong punk roots hates Trump? Green Day I’ve loved you since the 90’s. Keep poking the orange bear.

In solidarity with today's ICE OUT OF MINNESOTA blackout, MinnMax is donating $1 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota for every share of this Bluesky post for the next hour.

You know what isn’t a good idea? Scheduling a CT scan the day after an infusion with horrible gastrointestinal side effects. The mind is willing, but the body is stuck in the bathroom. Obligatory #fuckcancer

Dear Germany, Would it be cool if I asked for my ashes to be spread on the parking lot the Führerbunker is under? I want my ghost to fight Hitler’s ghost. I wanna kick his mother fucking syphilis having racist ass for eternity if you’ll let me. I’m even dusting of mein Deutsch with online lessons.

You are interviewing Brian Daboll? Really Bills? Brian Daboll? Well. It’s a shame the Bills are looking at wasting the last of Josh Allen’s prime years. Buffalo is gonna riot if you hire that guy. I’d be a better head coach than him and I’m terrible. I have fewer losses. He’s 20/40/1 and I’m 0/0/0.

In the last few minutes I’ve heard Trump say “Jobs are up 100%” and “I love the Hell’s Angels”. How anyone can take this moron seriously will never stop blowing my mind. That’s outside of the fact he should be celebrating his anniversary in Federal Prison right now. Ya know cause he’s a felon.

Trump sounding really “low energy” while trying to read lies off a teleprompter right now. Sounds like he’s about to fall asleep any second.

WNY make up your fucking mind. Is it a white out or blue skies? Because I saw the sun when I went out in my lunch. And now walking back in I can’t see my store from 100 feet away. Sort it out.

This MLK day I’m meditating on the lessons Dr. King when it comes to opposing governmental tyranny. I promise to use whatever limited privilege I have inherited to insure the voices of those without that privilege can be heard. Old white men like me have had our say and look at all we’ve fucked up.

Of everyone who is left…go Broncos, I guess? Seahawks…you know what you did a few years back. The Patriots owe me 20 years of sucking as a franchise for forcing Tom Brady on us for so long. The Rams have won most recently of the 4 remaining. Though I love what they did to the Bears.

My wife always yells at the Amazon dot when asking it to do things. While I’m always saying please and thank you. I’m going to miss my wife when Alexa has her Skynet moment.

After over 40 years of waiting I get a first class letter addressed to me from the Commissioner of Jurors Office. I know it’s a pain, but I’ve never had the opportunity to be annoyed by my civic duty before. It was just a questionnaire. Foiled again.

I don’t usually use Walmart. I’ve hated them since living in NW Arkansas. Terrible company, but I got a gift card for Christmas. I uhhh…I don’t think they are going to pull that off in 8 minutes unless Walmart is using cruise missiles now.

There is not a team in the league that can beat the Packers better than the Packers. Hell. We beat us this year more than any other team.

Green Bay Packers. What did I just fucking say?

Packers. My hand to god. If I fall asleep and wake up to you somehow having fucked this up I will be very disappointed. 21-3 at the half. Please I need to be able to wear my Cheese hat at work to annoy my boss for as long as possible. And the agreement is through the Packers post season.

Green Bay. I’m loving what I’m seeing so far. If you could not do that thing you do where you forget how to play football all of the sudden that would make me very happy.

Stopped to get a cold brew at Wendy’s this morning. They are cheap and not terrible. My question Wendy’s is why the fuck is it carbonated and has a faint taste of something akin to Fanta sour sprite mixed with the coffee?

Traitor and Soviet spy Aldrich Ames died. Oh that means his cell will be available for another traitor who we know has been selling everything to what replaced the Soviet Union.

Me last night: I wish I was off tomorrow for my son’s birthday. Food poisoning at 6am: I got you bro. The monkey’s paw strikes again.

We have been starting to show the boys 90’s movies we saw as kids. Last night I suggested a League of Their Own. Because I knew it would get the song they sing stuck in my wife’s head. Just as an innocent prank. Me at 4am. “We are the women of…the All-American League…”

This hits better than any drug.

When you are having a shitty day and your ex-employee who is a refugee from Ukraine sees you and she says “Your face and your body lose weight. I do not like. Change back.” And makes your whole day. Fuck Putin. Slava Ukrayíni!

So three weeks out of Produce and in as a Fishmonger. It is my opinion that Catfish is a better apple than Red Delicious. #FuckRedDelicious

Ok. You know that you might have been slacking on your share of the household chores, when your wife takes a picture of you doing the dishes to commemorate the moment.

Dear Santa, I know it’s a little late this year. But I was hoping for one more thing for Christmas. Could you please make the Vikings and Lions game end in a tie? That would just be the cherry on top of my day. #GoPackGo

You’re multi-annual reminder to not be a dick this holiday season. I’d give anything for human decency to become common decency again. Until then. If I see you yelling at store employees over stupid shit. Someone is going to be holding a phone and yelling worldstar real fucking fast like it’s 09.

Love. Rest up. Still love you. Until then in Malik I trust. #greenbaypacker #gopackgo

Micah. Take my ACL. Take both in case you need a spare. Take whatever you need. I’d probably stay away from the kidneys and liver, but everything other than that is pretty solid. Go Pack Go!

Before I get lost in my work day. Go Pack Go! My sister is a Broncos fan. You gotta get this W for me.