Pictured; someone who utterly fails to meet Pete Hegseth's grooming standards and will soon be evicted from this man's Army.

You never know what you've got until it's gone. Especially toilet paper.

Candy corn is for people who are too lazy to mix sugar and corn syrup together and inject it into their veins. - Dan Slott

The University of Arkansas fired their football coach after losing to Notre Dame 56-13. Because of the terms of his contract, Coach Pittman will get $9.8 million to not coach for Arkansas. They could save $8.8 million if they paid me $1 million to not coach for them. Just sayin'.

You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in the bag.

Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them. - Dick Francis

You know you're getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to take a nap so you can continue doing almost nothing.

I can be social. This morning, I meowed at the cat and he meowed back.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. - Groucho Marx

The joy of trying to sleep... My body: I'm soooo tired. Anxiety: But, we have so much to do. Depression: Let's just sleep forever, no one will notice. Insomnia: LOL, good luck with that. Pain: [Kicks in the door] 'Sup guys!

No matter what this meeting is about, Pete will always be a National Guardsman assigned to a Civil Affairs unit who got a bunch of crusader tattoos in his 40s because he wants you to think he's a cool, war-criming operator instead of an extremely online wife-beating loser

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein

JUST NOW AT THE UN…

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away.

If you ever think it’s too late to accomplish your goals, just remember that Leibniz finished his bachelors degree at 15, his masters at 17, and published his first book at 19 along with his doctorate. So yeah, maybe it is too late for you. - @ ErsatzDoctor

I miss the days when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

The dinosaurs didn't drink coffee and we all know how that turned out.

The fate of the universe hangs upon it...

Before the enlightenment, I chopped wood and carried water. After the enlightenment, I carried water and chopped wood. - Zen Saying