It appears that Eos (the 3 yr old calico) is about to deliver a litter of kittens in my shed. The spot she chose is where she had her 1st litter.

Two old friends ran into each other in a park. One offered the other Cuban cigar. The second man paused for a moment and asked, "How can you support Cuba by buying and smoking their cigars." "I prefer to think of it as burning their crops to the ground."

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. - Dr. Seuss

Some people drink deeply from the well of knowledge. Some just rinse and spit.

A chef was experimenting with ways to improve the taste of carp. He found that mixing herbs and spices with shortening made a big difference. But timing is critical. So when the chef received a phone call, he said he couldn't talk, explaining: "I left my carp in saffron Crisco."

Gen. Grynkewich: "What I've observed over the course of studying air power in history is that any time you attack a civilian population, you usually end up finding that it just hardens their resolve."

The best thing about social media is it gives everybody a voice. The worst thing about social media is it gives everybody a voice. - Bob Kravitz

People are out there training for marathons and I am here, on the couch, tying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.

Two old friends ran into each other in a park. One offered the other Cuban cigar. The second man paused for a moment and asked, "How can you support Cuba by buying and smoking their cigars." "I prefer to think of it as burning their crops to the ground."

To the "I didn't vote for this" folks. You voted for a convicted felon. A twice-impeached president. A man found liable for sexual abuse, who tried to overthrow an election. And now gas prices are surging, we're at war, and soldiers are coming home in coffins. This is what you voted for. All of it.

Where can I find a microwave that doesn't beep so loud and let my whole family know I'm eating again?

We really need to do something about stalkers. I followed three people home last night and it sounded like they all called the police to complain about the problem.

TOP TIP: get round the problem of no plan surviving contact with the enemy by having no plan.

Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn’t it such a relief to have somebody say that? - Kurt Vonnegut

Chris Murphy: "I Just came from a two hour, closed door classified briefing on the war. It just confirmed to me it's totally incoherent. We are not gonna be able to achieve any of our stated objectives ... this is a disaster of epic proportions, a 10 day debacle"

I heard the audio. He said it. Lord. What have y'all done.

I do not have a fake social media personality. I am genuinely this ridiculous in real life.

Who ya gonna trust, me or some big old book with teeny print? - Groo

If, like me, you've ever been accused of being born in a barn and want to chat about it, my door is always open.

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. - James Thurber

My coffee was so dark, a demon mistook it for a portal to hell. To make a long story short, I need a new mug, a mop, and maybe an exorcism.

Not all faith-based organizations are churches; sadly, not all churches are faith-based organizations. - Michael Lorton