i so rarely get to talk to anyone irl about my relationship with my owner, at least not in any way that feels meaningful. but this morning one of those rare moments happened. apparently i "start visibly glowing" when i talk about him. as a lifelong pessimist, this is *mortifying*

i genuinely love the way my master has gradually made the chastity part of my submission more strict over the last 18 months. at first i was simply forbidden to cum. i was able to obey even without physical constraints for almost a year, but eventually i failed. so he introduced the cage next

i may not be much, but i am his, and grateful for it

my mental health has been so poor lately. anxiety and depression have been hammering at me; work stress and the pervasive cruelty towards trans people makes it worse. my submission to master is about the only thing holding me together. i wake up each day in my cage and just for a while, i feel safe

i had a miserable day. i felt so worthless that i couldn't move, couldn't even get myself to obey him properly. like i hadn't earned my submission to him, didn't deserve his attention then... he showed me i did have his attention anyway. my mood lifted. i could move. i could obey. he is good to me

i need to stop reading the news. all it ever does is remind me how deep the hate of trans people runs, and make me feel miserable about myself. all i ever wanted was to feel a little more comfortable in my own skin and somehow this makes me subhuman garbage

she is, once again, grateful to her master. frustrated and painfully desperate, yes, but that is also the point. his control is most meaningful when it can be used against her

sometimes, ever so often, she gets the tiniest hint of an impression that maaaaaaybe the reason her owner forces her to remain chaste and well behaved is that it's an excruciatingly cruel experience for her and leaves her constantly desperate for sex and attention. case in point

yessss back to my preferred 10km distance again. after a few months of interruptions it feels good to run again. still much much slower than i was a few years ago before long covid absolutely wrecked my body, but whatever. i'm just grateful that i've recovered enough that i'm able to run at all

yet again she is craving things she is not permitted

uncomfortably accurate

sigh. social media platforms need better tools to help users keep their distance from people who cause them pain. blocking and muting don't quite do the job. in another time i was driven off sites purely because i couldn't keep one person off my feed. just one. seeing it happen to other people hurts

thinking about this a lot. it has dawned on me that when i talk about dominance and submission i am almost always talking about a persistent, sustained dynamic that is about much more than sex. i allow my owner to train me, shape me, and control me, until i become what he wants me to be

speaking of which... said tits and said ass. well, one tit and partial ass. close enough

i've taken this survey twice now and got the exact same answer (79 out of 100 tried) so it's probably reliable, but i don't agree with the interpretation. i don't think i'm wilder than most, i'm just old. i've had time to try almost everything i wanted to try, so of course the number is high?

there is a meme going around where people show their header images. i was going to participate and then i remembered i hate memes but this is where my header comes from. an ad by ernest shackleton recruiting men for an antarctic expedition. would also work as a grindr profile bio

i need to spend more of my life gagged

it sometimes feels a little lonely on here being in a submissive trans woman / dominant cis man dynamic. it's bizarrely absent from bluesky. you can find cis/cis d/s content of every variation, and lots of sapphic trans d/s content, and so on. but trans fem sub / cis man dom content? idk where it is

the depersonalisation of this one appeals to me. present in the scene, but only as an object to be used as he sees fit

washed-out, faded, only barely extant. my mood these last few days. it is very dispiriting being a middle aged trans woman who dates men during pride. like you don't really exist, and every battle you've fought has only served to erase you in the eyes of the other queers

day 3 of my bleak mood. the intense self-loathing and shame isn't letting up at all, and pride month content is making it worse. seriously considering deleting my account. it's great that other people love themselves for what they are but the contrast with how i feel about myself is unbearable

i acutely dislike pride month. it is hard enough living with the shame i already feel without having to listen to people going on and on about how acshually it's great to be like this, and i should feel so proud of myself for being so brave. the disingenuous bullshit of it all makes me nauseous

today is a little rough. i feel anxious, insecure, dysphoric. accepting that the world is unfair, accepting that i am what i am, it is not coming easily today. i wish endlessly that i'd been born like other people, able to live with my body as it is. but life is not kind, and it hurts sometimes

he decided today i needed to humiliate and degrade myself for his enjoyment. i feel calmer. i like it when he asserts his dominance so directly

there were a lot of reasons i transitioned, and in all honesty none of them were interesting or sexual. but in the aftermath, oh god sex is such a big part of it now. watching how straight men desire me the same way they desire other women is a fucking drug. i honestly had no idea

service to my master sometimes feels like an ordeal specifically tailored to break me. i am promiscuous; he keeps me chaste. i crave pain and extreme sensation; my sensory diet is bland. i am needy; he withholds his attention. i want degradation; i get it just enough so that i know what i'm missing

home at last from my vacation, and have immediately been put back into the stricter cage until further notice. i really hope i have not displeased him

entirely criminal that there is no-one here taking advantage

so painfully frustrated today. if i were allowed any autonomy at all i would be on my knees with a cock in my mouth just to feel like i have a purpose in life

the last year has taught me an uncomfortable truth about myself. sexual submission, and apparently submission to a man, is a core need for me. i unravel easily without it. yet sex itself, and masochism, and my other kinks? strangely optional, as long as i'm owned. not sure how i feel about that?

master has decided i need tighter restrictions for a while. i am grateful. it is less comfortable than the open cage but eases my anxiety so much more

"shut your fucking mouth until i shove my cock in it. until then, be silent and do as you're told, you stupid worthless slut" is apparently the best way to motivate me to do a task i don't want to do. probably not a viable strategy in general though

from last year. kind of love how my tits look in this one

collared, caged, chained up, ass plugged, and reading something unbearably nerdy. i could not be happier right now

Women of the jury: my client had to listen to her two hot, nerdy friends talk passionately about nerd shit for hours and they did NOT fuck her brains out afterwards. I ask you, should she not be entitled to compensation?

woke up to the realisation that the horribly stressful work thing that had me moody and irritable for the last week really is done it is easier to breathe. i am tired but i feel alive again. and dear fucking lord i need dick. just absurdly turned on all of a sudden just because the anxiety is gone

the day would have gone a lot better if she had just stayed on her knees

it's cold, i'm caged, i'm not permitted to wear underwear when i go out, and he likes me in short skirts and fishnets

it is sometimes hard to remember that this was only two years ago. i come back to this one often. it reminds me that i'm allowed to feel okay about my body

i think it is unreasonable that self-acceptance is so hard to attain. it would be nice not to have to work so hard to manage the absolute contempt and disgust i have for myself and (especially) the strangeness of my anatomy. just once i'd like to know what it feels like not to be ashamed, you know?

on the one hand it's a chain connecting her collar to her cage, a not very subtle public assertion of his ownership. on the other hand it's also an *excellent* fidget toy

i have stopped thinking of this as degradation. it is a reminder. by nature i am reckless, unhealthily desperate for sex and approval from any man who would fuck me. but i am also his property, and it matters. his control is good for me. my desires are kept checked by my obedience. and i need that

every time he reminds me how completely he controls me, and shows me how easily he can take away my autonomy, i get so flustered and turned on

the intensely degrading moment when the ball gag comes out and you are so overwhelmed with sensation that you don't even care how you look

being an introspective sub is a particular kind of torture. i am entirely aware of how he has trained me, how it works, and why the inevitable result is that i am utterly devoted to him while accepting that i am only a very minor part of his world. it is as it should be, yet god how i overanalyse it

sometimes circumstances mean i have to briefly break the rules master sets for me, and i don't like it. yes, the rules allow me some discretion as a matter of practicality, but i hate it so much. it *feels* like disobedience even if it isn't, and i'll be glad when it's over

at least i am still permitted coffee

i love watching how bruising develops. on the left, immediately afterwards. on the right, six days later. i miss impact so much, but only rarely permitted to indulge in it

the current phase of my training is learning i have no right to my masters attention. i have to be on display for him, so i'm required message him regularly with pics. but he doesn't respond unless he feels like it. i have to learn to accept this, and let go of my insecurity. it is so fucking hard

i wasted an astonishing amount of time yesterday agonising over a feminist essay that wasn't kind to those of us in d/s relationships. i spent the day feeling miserable about myself. today i woke up thinking about him, how happy he makes me, and i wonder why i even care what anyone else thinks