The best new year tickets ever.

Mary asked me if I wanted to go to the Christmas market in Edinburgh today. Does this woman even know me?

These babies are deadly. Soooooooo gooooooood.

Just back from swimming pool, I peed in the deep end and the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.

Just had a monthly gas bill for £3867, I called them to ask why they have taken so much and had to do a manual reading for them. Smart meters my arse.

Whit?

Daisy at the vet for nail clip. Two nurses and a vet slashed to shreds and still never got her front claws done.

Looks like the Onion Bears love a queue at Greggs. 😂

Just had a call from the police asking when I’m available to make a statement about the guy I stuck the head on when he tried to rob a women in the chemist in Edinburgh. It’s 5 fucking weeks ago. FFS

The WITCH HEAD NEBULA

What do you mean get off the bed? Square go 🐈‍⬛

Oh ya dancer. Viagra Boys Barrowland, Glasgow. Monday 05 May 2025 Sign me up.

There has been a horrible smell in our kitchen for a few days we were checking the bin, thought Rosie or Daisy had pooed, couldn’t find anything. Turns out the undercounted freezer was fecked and everything in it is rotten. Just had to buy a new one online. £££££££££££

Cunts licking cacti on TV on a Saturday night. Kill me now.

During Covid lockdown, if you had family round on Christmas Day the police could force their way into your home and make them return to their own homes. Does anybody know if this service is still available and, if so, do you have to book it?

For that special someone in your life. Comes with a free divorce.

Bottles crashing all over Aberdeen

A knock came to the front door today, I opened the door and my mother in law was standing there, she said ...can i stay here for a few days, I said yeah sure and shut the door on her😀

I can’t believe some people, I offered my season ticket for today’s game free of charge. I got a message asking for it but could I drop it off in Livingston. If I could go to Livingston I could go to the game. Cheeky bastards.

I had been reading a paper on Fast Radio bursts (FRB’s) and the theory of them being caused by Magnetars and started explaining it to Mary when she said I’m shattered and going to bed. I must realise not everyone is as enthusiastic about science as I am.

This is what comfort looks like.

Best news of today is from @irvinewelsh The sequel to Trainspotting, Men In Love by is coming July 2025 Pre-order now: amzn.to/3Vo6xHk

My neighbour alway has to go one better. 😉😉

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Afternoon troops, I fecked my back and can’t make the game tomorrow so my season ticket is up for grabs. FREE OF CHARGE. Must be picked up and dropped off in Newtongrange. 🍀🍀

The Twin Jet Nebula from Hubble

😂😂😂😂😂

Sneak peak of Maeda training for Pittodrie this evening…. 🐑🇯🇵 #celticfc

The Flame Nebula|NASA

@kj-gallagher77.bsky.social Celtic and Metallica always the right choice brother. 🍀

I’m on season4 of “Power”. It’s absolutely fantastic, I can’t believe I haven’t watched this before. Love Tommy, he is mad a fuck.

Anyone spot the mistakes in the Sevco 2025 calendar?

Wank

Bernardo starts before Engels. That is all. #CelticFC

The DJ at @CelticFC needs shot. The music when the players come out is brutal.

They are going to have a big support tonight. Lents shut them up. #CelticClubBrugge

Why do idiots post such utter shite on FB about Celtic. I’m surprised they are allowed near a computer.

As if the poor wee bugger hadn’t suffered enough.

Rik Mayall’s letter to Bob Geldof, 26th November 1984. Taken from Letters of Note, by Shaun Usher #rikmayall #BandAid40 #BandAid