Did you know that cats jump into crates so they can breathe up all the boxygen?

Moby dick's full name is Mobile Dick Gundamson

Why have DeutcheBank when you could have Toicha' bank????

Every day, something more absurd stops me from Uber eats driving on time. Today's opponent: A random lizard broke into my room and I need to keep him from running under my bed

"ACDC stands for antichrist devil child" is a joke I'd make for sure, but someone beat me to the punch... youtube.com/shorts/ooa1d...

They call me 'Canada Dry' The way I'm a Can a da(y) Dr(inker)y

Bacteria causes Autosomes

Subtle downgrade a band Lukewarm Avacados

(The boys) are so fucking back (in town)

Intrusive Thots

Protogens are just Synth Kobolds

Black Woman (PAL version)

This is the type of content you make after getting banned

Copying my files ro an external so I can run away to Linux forever before win10 shuts

Okay so, Uber eats is saying I need to turn in a new profile photo of my face. The one I've had for over a year is "suddenly no good". Their states reason? "Your eyes are closed or covered in the picture". Now, this is false, my eyes are openly staring daggers at the camera in that photo. 🧵

Dogs are just off-road cats

Sea AnEnemy Vs. OP-Topus

Pronouncing 000 as "None-hundred-and None"

I was UberEats driving, when I saw a broken elevator. Immediately, I thought "Elevator Machine Broke". I looked to my left and saw an ACTUAL DOOR that says "ELEVATOR MACHINE" on it. I decided to look inside. There was an actual literal elevator Machine. (It was broken!)

My mom literally called me and said "I hope you're not upstairs becoming radicalized". What can you even say

Greece be like: Can I copy your ROMEwork? 🏛

Confusion when Confission shows up! I'm splitting ideas in half over here

Anyone wanna recommend a fiction book series?

What the fuck is the shading on my drawer rn

Lots of you are screaming "I can fix her!!!" "I can fix him!!! Fix them into WHAT??? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA BECOME HUH????

Hi, I'm Out from PocketTown

Hold up hold up hold up! I just realized. You'd be slamming 5 dollars on the desk and asking robots their opinion!!!! 🤣hahahHAAAAA

Excuse me, but who in the fresh hell would order Ai from FIVERR???

Talking to people both on and off the phone is starting increasingly to feel like walking on broken glass. I can't tell if I'm burnt out from communication or just becoming a deeply antisocial person. The texture on the last 100 conversations has been so abrasive and painful, I just don't know why.

Girls who kiss you Girls who hug you really tight Girls who play with your hair Girls who whisper I love you as you fall asleep

YouTube? Um... What the based???

They call me Please-iosaur And you KNOW why~ ;3

Trying to copyright the concept of "bringing your friends to the battle" is CRAZY. There's a colorful horse cartoon I think they should watch...

When are they gonna add "turn off reposts" for certain accounts. I shouldn't have to unfollow people, I just don't want to see everything they repost 🤷‍♀️

You are under no obligation to mourn the death of people who would’ve celebrated yours.

HyBearNating

Vashti? Is that you?

Hello chat~

Yo bookmarks let's go

Shkunk

Slightly diminish a book Batter in the wheat

Super Moon 🌕

Shkunk moed engaged 🦨

We all voted for Harris. Im tired of 50 year old centrists burrowing into this site and going "vote vote vote". We did. Now its time for real-time praxis. If you're still waiting 4 years between political acts, get out of the fast lane. Please! Protest, demonstrate, filibuster, get involved!

I am so fucking tired of Republicans taking my rights away. Their incessant bloodlibel is unforgiveable. They've already set millions of us up to die by cutting federal Healthcare and insurance coverage, they can't be allowed to continue this assault on our rights. They've violated the entire nation

They call me the CUSS-driver Because I swear! <_< >_> FFRICK!! >0<

What the fuck is going on with my YouTube rn...

Defeated timetraveler: "You haven't seen the first of me!!!"

POV You're on a date with Xenia