things can only go downhill from here

i spent the day with a close friend for the first time. i jokingly considered taking a motorcycle back home because it was cheaper(i live an hour away), and she said "i dont want u to die after we just met!" and i thought to myself, "wow. i guess my plans are sort of canceled..."

feels as if im slipping

having dirty thoughts

some people will never get the feeling of wind blowing on your face and messing your hair, as you overlook a long drop from the railing of a bridge. theyll never understand the thrill of being one step away of it being over

talking about general issues to certain people pissess me off sometimes. i see these fucking normies say the most edgy shit, and all i can think is, "none of you have ever understood what despair from the heart feels like and it shows"

the thought of "there is no one who will ever empathize with you" struck me really hard and it has never made me feel so lonely before. i only know like 2 people who could probably understand how i feel but ugh. im not the kind of person to open up

i dont know. i feel like something clicked in my head

cool fact: forest and aks design used to be from my sonas specific weapon gears. they both... used to be my sonas?? in a way

its 3am. im still so miserable over today. im going to draw forest impregnating ak as a coping method

can my mom just leave me alone ohmfg im going to burst into tears

i seriously need to calm the fuck down. i have so much shit to worry about and i just. holy shit

one track to associate AK alot with? this song. very nice. its in rus though youd have to find the original pv if you want the lyrics youtu.be/el_9_e6DoHw?...

something on the side- i made a playlist of the type of stuff ak and her band would play. theyre all losers btw so expect half of the songs to be like that open.spotify.com/playlist/5Sx...

ouuuggyh .... my stomach acid though... i need to stop drinking coffee without eating

mmmm morning. (its 1am). i dont think theres food i can cook thats mine downstairs, so i think im just gonna ball through today with some coffee

being emotional is so tiring i wanna go to sleep already

i already struggle with being "not good enough" in my day to day life, and now this mindset is being plagued into my hobby of drawing and it hurts, it hurts so much

ive talked about this before but one of my biggest insecurities is that my art style is too rough for something like splatoon. you see so many artists with this sort of cutesy look? soft and round. full of color too. then you see mine.... 😬

i was planning to invite some people to my own personal discord server but unfortunately one of my irls is like giga racist and i. dont really want anyone to see that so whoops

anyways. invading this country is a pain can you believe how mountainous it is

uh. uhhhhhh. dont you guys think germany looks a little too big

ive had this comic and a bunch of other stuff collecting dust since... november? october 2024 LMAO shivo didnt want her ocs posted

i was born simply because my mom wanted a daughter and i dont even act like one i could try being more feminine but im not happy with that, but if i do what i want to do my mom will not be happy and ill be guilty about it is there truly a happy ending for me

need to stay humble tho 🙏 never guarantee these kinds of things before inevitably gets ripped away from me like everything else in my life

the pc has a ryzen 5 5k and a 3060? 70? 16gigs and hes selling it for... $200???!? IS MY BLUESCREN ARC FINALLY OVER?

the cybercafe owner im somewhat acquainted with might sell me one of the pcs because his wife is my distant aunt.... is.... is bluesceen ekorrupted arc finally over...?

worst part about being broke as shit from buying food is the fact that i cant buy new box cutters

i need to lock in

i dont play this game but an irl friend asked me to draw her, so, well,.

texting my dad is like talking to a fucking wall

shooting my shot for once and asking my dad if i could have 3 more days if i dont then ggwp iiiiiim gonna kill myself

bruh i need to finish everything in such a short timespan because my dad is forcing me to sign the contract already omffgggg

i dont know what came over me

ekorrupted try not to get into a massive depressive episode challenge

im REAAAALLLY tempted to cut open the abscess because i am definitely not curious and a little bit stupid

there is rust on my box cutter now ): this is what i get for not cleaning it

i feel so miserable to the point of self destruction but its ok we BALL

hard agree

fucking hate this weather dude im sweating my fucking pits out

it was that stupid fucking crab

gross

i have more work stuff to deal with at 11am and it's almost 8am and i havent slept and im too lazy to cover my arms in bandages i am so fucked

scream

spent 20 mins waiting for my csp to update and decided to scroll through some nsfw, only to realize that my update is not moving because I DIDNT PRESS "OK" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

new gaming setup or this figure 🤔🤔🤔🤔

almost spilled betadine onto my table that shit wouldve been a disaster