2026 is going to be my year. I’m taking it. You can’t have it.

😂😅🥲🙂😐😥😭

Apple Music just called me a slur

Oops, accidentally became a fitness influencer

i done a gym

Exposed to the Gran Canaria sun for 4 days straight and not a speck of tan is to be found on my body 😭

I’ve inadvertently Pavlov’s dog’ed my own dog to come to my office every time he hears the Teams hang up sound.

Has anyone actually rated the quality of their call in Microsoft Teams??

i’ve been very lacking in posts on here so please accept this as an apology

lots of gay men called alex. what’s going on there?

Can’t stop saying labubu like that 102 year old TikTok grandma

Jurassic Park Rebirth editor said nothing gets cut. Everything we shot stays in.

It’s impossible to look cool and graceful changing the incline of a bench in the gym

There’s a Rhys Stevens in America who keeps using my email address. Not in a spammy way, he just genuinely thinks it’s his email address. So far he’s signed up for match .com, booked a golf course, ordered ice cream and chipotle, and now he’s job hunting.

I just had the CHATTIEST Uber driver in the country. He didn’t come up for air for the entire journey.

the pump is real

In my funemployment era (for 7 days) 😌💅

I’ve had delusional by kesha on constant repeat for the past week. ABSOLUTE. BANGER.

Insta saw this like 2 weeks ago but I look good so Bluesky can have it now

Just told my work team that I’m leaving, how’s your Monday morning going?

No, I’ve never met gala. Is she nice?

It’s that time of year where my pasty white milk bottle legs make an appearance 🥛🥛

Hear me out, song of the summer 2025… Cry For You - September

I realise I’m privileged to have a PT and have some guidance in the gym but my god the way some people THROW their body around on these machines it’s a miracle no ones done themselves a serious mischief

happy friday to those who celebrate

Someone’s managed to send a message to a large proportion of the NHS with only the words “prostate artery embolization”. A hello would have been nice.

Watched Conclave last night, or as I like to call it Catholic Succession.

After some very intense deliberation I have concluded that Vanish Into You is the best track on Mayhem. I will not be taking any further questions at this time.

Last 30 days of my 20’s 🥴

Participate in my first ceilidh this evening. It went as well as expected.

🏳️‍⚧️

What’s your favourite Messages text effect and why is it jitter

anyway, here’s me in a crop top xx

Some BITCH in the gym literally RAN across the gym to get onto a machine I was stood next to waiting for someone to finish on 😒

Aw he’s looking really well xx

robert irwin if you're reading this i am free to hang out on tuesday night please contact me if you would like to hang out on tuesday night when i am free

Very happy with my gym progress recently 🙂‍↕️

My train was delayed leaving Manchester the other day which would have meant I’d have missed my connection. Luckily the connecting train was also delayed. Thank god for the incompetency of the British rail system!! Best in the world!

I stg if I dont get Gaga tickets

I’ve never felt as short as I did at the Rebecca Black concert on Friday… why was everyone there 8ft tall???

I love March at work cause the leave year resets on 1st April and everyone’s using up all their leave so no ones in 😌

The harder I squeeze this bottle the bigger my arms look

she gets the job done

The breakdown towards the end of Killah has altered my brain chemistry

I will never not be unpleasantly surprised but the spelling of the word zhuzh

I’m being very good and not listening to Mayhem until it’s properly released (in the uk) tomorrow. I hope mother is proud of me 😌

finally, some good fucking food

What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck??

Benched 80kg today, so that was nice.

The only content of mine that gets even the slightest bit of engagement on here is mild thirst so