"Forcing ourselves upon them" is a totally normal phrase that non-rapists use all the time.

We were horrible in the star wars until we did the striking back, then we won.

Trump signs executive order making this cool.

What could possibly go wrong?

When you realize you're the robot...

Solid metaphor for the prosecution of war in Iran.

Guess which continent.

Like Tom Homan doesn't know anything about getting paid under the table...

"I have HUGE support among the protestors," the president observed before eating his pollster.

Guess which continent.

SILVER ALERT: 6'3" 215 lbs, last seen wearing makeup, necktie, and a bag of shit in his pants.

Meanwhile Aileen Cannon banned the release of Jack Smith's investigation lest it “contravene basic notions of fairness and justice.”

WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING? variety.com/2026/tv/news...

Guess who just slid into America's DMs.

I have a question, Mr. President. Do you, at this very moment, smell burning toast?

Iran has long been the primary counterweight to Saudi hegemony over the Persian Gulf. Don't forget who is padding whose portfolio NOT to end this war anytime soon.

Kash Patel issues formal response to Iran's photo leak:

The solution to discovering your own insanity is muffling your conscience with a ball gag.

This might be the first autograph to devalue a collector's item.

For all our soybeans, they offer Boof Bonser? No way, I say. Throw in Denny Hocking and Pat Mahomes. And he says, "Yes sir." And that's how I won the CY Young.

Oh look. All it took was some billionaire friends having fewer billions.

Trump's Iran briefings are like

Donald Trump signs executive order making Justin Guarini the winner of American Idol.

Then why has no one in the White House been arrested?

with a bwaha here and a bwaha there

Vowing an end to corruption, Markwayne Mullin replaces Kristi Noem's airplane bedroom with regulation fighting ring.

They say the Hormuz is blocked up. I say it just needs more fiber.

Oh to be a fly on the wall when the He-Man Woman-Haters Club realizes the SAVE Act encourages even more wives NOT to take their husbands' last names...

The reinvented wheel is now a rhombus.

I get all my manufacturing sector advice from unsolicited, antediluvian hot takes proffered decades before roboticization, AI, and the domestication of fire.

3000 is overwhelming force? RIP Powell Doctrine. Boots on the ground = Boot Hill.

Amazed no one has shot a baggage handler. So far.

I surmise Harvard admissions did NOT like Donald Trump’s sister’s brother’s essay. www.bostonglobe.com/2026/03/23/m...

It's also the reason he left his wife and dog.

Trumps vows to deploy ICE agents to reinforce overworked security screeners at quinceañeras, bat mitzvahs, and teen beauty pageants.

I can't tell the difference between White House tweets and Shia LaBeouf incident reports.

We did Fort Sumter. We can do this.

$700BB Elon's estimated worth $150BB Elon's total DOGE "savings" $200BB "A small price to pay" for war

Trump threatens to deploy Taylor Frankie Paul and a barstool to fight a champion of Iran's choosing.

Trump urges Expedia to offer flight+funeral packages

Check out Harry Truman's reaction to Hitler and Mussolini's deaths. Trump eulogized Robert Mueller with language we ordinarily reserve for mass murderers.

Two Corinthians is bonkers.

"while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him" Robert Mueller

Trump solemnizes the passing of an American servant with all the pathos of a babadook playing bagpipes.

If you're a friend of the president, now is a great time to sue the federal government, whose lawyers he will direct to settle your case for billions of dollars. This also works if you're the president.

This would explain the fly in my waffle.

Hope Americans can learn to steal IP as well as they steal oil. www.nature.com/articles/d41...

Dude is worth like $700BB and can't afford anyone better than the STFU Friday ambulance lawyers?

You can't haunt a videotape without an ID.

This is 100% a zombie bite.