5pm, after school, on a mild September evening. This purpose-built facility in our village is empty. Not a child in sight here, or on the two surrounding playing fields, or in the two nearby playgrounds.

Keep school at school. Keep home at home. For children with trauma, this is often essential.

Why do schools do this? An email goes out asking, “Are you nervous about being back in school?” on the same day they’re putting a child into a “lunchtime lockdown” for chewing gum (a well-known regulation strategy for children with trauma).

From an interview with Peter Lamont, author of Radical Thinking.

All three of my kids were shown graphic videos of Charlie Kirk’s assassination yesterday. They’re three different ages, in three different education settings (two of which have phone bans), across three local authorities. One of my kids doesn’t have their own smartphone.

UNDERSTANDING behaviour is not EXCUSING behaviour. 👉 Going below surface-level behaviour is not dismissing behaviour 👉 Being radically curious about behaviour is not accepting behaviour 👉 Accepting what drives behaviour is not endorsing behaviour

Therapeutic bath. 🛁 ❤️‍🩹

As our kids return to school, I’m thinking of all those wonderful security blankets in the form of humans who work tirelessly with our kids. Children with trauma want a better life. That starts with never feeling that scared again.

Is this sustainable? From Lana Hempsall in The Spectator.

“A more substantial factor for me was the fact that staff and leaders said they felt safer and better trained,” [Bennett] said.

Fostering doesn’t have a recruitment crisis. It has a retention crisis. From Mary Wakefield in @thespectator1828.bsky.social.

We don’t have a behaviour crisis. We have an understanding children crisis.

The job of adults isn’t just keeping children safe. It’s helping them feel safe.

My son recently finished secondary school. He was there for 5 years. I never met any of his teachers.

We need an education and social care system that *knows* children. Knows them on an individual basis. Knows their family. Knows their story. We are moving further away from that with each passing day.

Can we normalise kids not taking mobile phones into their bedrooms? We have this as a house rule (even when friends come over), and we’re very much in the minority.

I’m watching one of my kids thrive in part-time work. After so many years in education, where the consequences of behaviour are illogical and unnatural, the consequences of actions in work make perfect sense. Seems a much better way of learning.

The news is out... following the success of the original A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting, I’m pleased to share I’ll be writing the follow-up A-Z (for teens and tweens), alongside the brilliant Sarah Naish, Sarah Dillon, and Sair Penna.

I just took an early evening walk around my village. Lots of families live here. (Our primary school has two classes of 30 for each year group.) You wouldn’t know that—because none of the children who live here are outside.

“If we want our sons, our daughters, all young people to read, we must grant them the same rights we grant ourselves.”

Dr Sue Morris-King (Deputy Director for Schools and Early Education at Ofsted) tells MPs that schools with good levels of attendance think of it ‘like safeguarding’.

From one of the slides I use when delivering training. We must understand the difference between accepting behaviour, and endorsing behaviour. They are very different, yet I often see them confused with each other.

Forgotten your planner? Day in isolation. Why would any school do this? Because... if you don’t focus on small things, they spiral into big things. This... is broken windows theory. Here’s why it’s rubbish... 🗑️👇

What I hear: If the focus is on connecting with children... how will they ever learn? What I think: Without connection, there is no learning.

It's interesting that we have this concept of having a “good baby”. One that sleeps through the night, doesn't fuss too much, etc. The idea of categorising children based on their need for connection starts at a much younger age than I had imagined.

Nobody wants this outcome, I'm sure. We need to think seriously about what we are doing to children. You don't grow great kids by drowning them in the fear of punishment. 🪴

I played this with my 12-year-old every week for almost a year. Never once did I win. And it pains me to admit that I was *really* trying.

When some schools hear about the need for a trauma-informed approach to teaching... “I think a lot of people worry that A, it's going to cost a lot of money and B, it's going to be a lot of work.” — Sarah Naish Featuring a shout-out for ‪@jennknussen.bsky.social‬ 🙌

I’ve been thinking about the power of storytelling for children with early-life trauma. This got me thinking more... 🤔

“Dozens of little doses of attention, kindness, patience each day can provide the therapeutic bath that one hour of therapy a week cannot.” — Bruce D. Perry

“So if my children had to do homework, they’d stay at school and do an after school homework club, because then you’re keeping homework at school, which is where it belongs.” From our latest podcast series... Trauma Talks.

Currently re-reading Punished by Rewards by @alfiekohn.bsky.social and I get this email. 👀

“What we see a lot of in education in particular is people who are defending to their last breath the outdated models that do not work for children...”

Very pleased to discover ‪@alfiekohn.bsky.social‬ has a new podcast. “If all his books and essays have one thing in common ... it’s that they are extremely inconvenient to read while driving, exercising, or making dinner.”

On Tuesday, the grandparents of two-year-old Ethan Ives-Griffiths were found guilty of murder and child cruelty.

“There is no need to scream when you want more food if you can simply say 'I’m hungry', and a caring adult responds.” Fascinating insight into what happens during the often overlooked middle childhood, from David Robson.

“Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.” ― G.K. Chesterton

This classic cartoon ran in Columbia University’s humour magazine, The Jester, in the November 1950 issue. Drawn by Mazzeo & Gardner.

“For pupils with an education, health and care plan (EHCP), suspensions increased by 31.7 per cent compared with the previous year, crossing the 100,000 barrier for the first time (101,381).”

Our children's social care system. **EVERYTHING IS FINE**

“But stickers are so easy!”

Shame is like a magical force field that floats around our kids. When the force field is powered up, we see a fairly typical child. 👧 When the power switches off and the force field shuts down, we see who they really are. 👹

“Shame is the fear of disconnection.” — Brené Brown

Understanding behaviour is not justifying behaviour.

You can’t use shame to teach a child who is already flooded with shame.

As part of the process of becoming a foster parent, I needed to create a welcome pack that children would see before living with me. I did the logical thing... borrowed my friend’s son and asked him what questions he would have about going to live somewhere new.

One of my kids hovered around the entrance to the room where he was due to sit his exam. He didn’t want to go in. A member of staff came along, and with a smile said: “Get in that room and stop wasting my time.” 😱 It worked. Why?

The purpose of life is, above all, to matter. Opening quote from what I’m sure will be another brilliant book by Rutger Bregman.

We think a lot about how to stop children from behaving a certain way. There is another way.

So much can be achieved by slowing down and connecting with those around us. Look at the difference between walking amongst other humans and driving amongst them. “Maybe that’s why we have road-rage, but not walk-rage or cycle-rage.” — @david_perell