I fucking hate hyperfixations because what do you mean we are now obsessed with ducks and nothing but dicks and won’t stop until we learn everything about them? 🙄

A very lovely girl complimented my shirt (I was wearing a Solo Leveling t-shirt) and I wanted to return a compliment to her cute outfit but my unsmart brain decided to short circuit and all I could say was “thanks have a nice day”. 😭😭 Why am I like this???

Your gender is now the job/profession of one the main characters of the last show you watched. What is it? My gender is a burger man named Bob who has 3 kids and a wife that drives him crazy. 😂

Me: psp psp psp *hears the clickity clacking of heels* Me: oh lawd a queen is comin’

I am a friends with soup benefits. I bring you soup! Witch in the background, waving a ladle: GET BACK HERE!!

Me: I really don’t like the taste of milk. Person: You shouldn’t be drinking milk anyway! That’s murder and milk belongs to a baby cow! You’re a horrible person and should feel bad! Me, drinking “milk” from nuts that I milked earlier: um ok buddy

The (unfortunate) neurodivergent tendency to love and care so deeply for people who don’t reciprocate the same intensity so now you’re feeling bad for supposedly “love bombing” people when that wasn’t your intention 🫠 I’m sorry, lemme just see myself out

In the spirit of Halloween Month, your gender(s) is/are the horror monster(s) that you like/fear the most.

Me to me: BUYING NEW SKETCHBOOKS AND MARKERS AND COLORED PENCILS WON’T MAKE YOU A BETTER ARTIST IF YOU DON’T ACTUALLY USE THEM Me: how fecking rude

How I feel about this timeline right now

ADHD math is when you’re supposed to take your meds at 8:30 AM but it’s 8:33 AM so you’ll just wait until 8:35 AM and now its 8:30 PM and too late to take the meds because you’ll be overdosing (once a day dose only) so you’ll just have to wait for tomorrow now.

Queer isn’t just gay and trans. Queer is anything that isn’t heteronormative and/or cisnormative. When I say I am queer, I mean I am a genderfluid grey aroace. 🩷🤍💜🖤💙 💚🤍🩶🖤💜🤍🩶🖤

*takes a long swig of my Dr. Pepper and exhales sharply* Dear Diary? Haven’t heard that name in years.

Me, minding my own business and just eating spaghetti: :o … :3 … :o … :3 … My brain: crack an egg into it Me: bruh what

I’m convinced that if my house was ever haunted I’d never know because my ADHD bitch ass be leaving doors opened everywhere and I be the one making the groaning noises getting out of bed and my bones be creaking loudly and shit with every step I take

Me to me: do u actually ship them or do u just want them to suffer together Me: yes

WE INTERRUPT YOUR DOOM SCROLLING TO PRESENT YOU WITH THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: 📣 You need to be ✨Q U E E R E R✨. 📣 THANK YOU, SCROLL ALONG NOW.

sometimes i find myself feeling envious of binary trans people because my transition goal is literally to just not be perceived by the mortal eye

Me: I used to collect paper bags and foil candy wrappers when I was younger because I liked their crunchy noises. Wife: …okay, so it was already manifesting itself when you were younger. Me: What was? Wife: 🥰 Nothing, my love. Me: sus…………….

Me collecting all the genders I found (as a genderfluid person):

The funniest fan theory (from the extended “family” or rather, the village idiots) about myself is that I have the powers to turn people in my family gay/queer. Can y’all imagine me actually having this ability? Nobody would be safe. I would just be passing out queerness like nobody’s business. 😂

Nothing prepares you for when life decides you need to eat the weirdest combinations of foods in order to satiate that appetite. XXXtra Hot Cheetos and chicken dumpling soup for me tonight. e.e

Just heard one of my freeloaders* let out the biggest and heaviest sigh, like he had worked a 16 hour shift. And I felt my heart swelling because THIS is the dream. To give my freeloaders the life that I never had. And a part of me heals on the inside knowing that they’re happy with me. *furbabies

Ah, yes. The “Queer Agenda”. Lemme just… *turns around, shielding myself from being seen trying to flip through a book with ink stains and water damaged pages whilst muttering* queer agenda queer agenda queer agenda *turns back to the crowd* FREE BOBAS FOR ALL! *the crowd cheers for free bobas*

Gay friend: “This tastes like ass” Me: So it’s good then. Him: “No, it tastes like ass.” Me: But don’t you eat ass? Him: “…” Me: Yeah, thought so.

That moment when you’re post yapping and realize that you did a little too much over sharing but you can’t take it back now so you just skedaddle off like a crab with claws raised

“Be quiet! You’re being too loud!” The silent heartbreak I feel every time because when my ADHD self gets super excited I unfortunately get very loud but I’m forced to shut down because sometimes I get carried away and it’s “making everyone uncomfortable”. My bad.

“How are you aroace and married?” Me: yes

As a genderfluid being, I just did a whole speedrun date thing with all the genders and ended back at square one 😩

Your last and/or most used 5 emojis describe your journey with your gender. I’ll go first: ♥️🥰😂😭🫠

That moment when you realize you have to do everything for yourself and you’re like, wait, me??? Like, have you MET me? I’ve met me and I don’t think I’m the best candidate to do anything, especially for myself! 😭🫠🤣

We should have coming out merch for people that come out so that they know they’re supported and loved and have fans that will spin their blades to slice and dice haters for them

I never thought I’d find the day I agreed wholeheartedly with a man that I should scream for food if I’m hungry. *camera pans to Lucifer licking his empty coinpurse*

Family members that you haven’t seen in a while who greet you with what you did when you were younger (all the stupid teenager/preteen/toddler shit) and/or make comments about your body and what you work as (in a condescending way) are annoying asf and deserve to be ignored.

So it’s cute when a cat breaks into your house but when I do it it’s a lot of screaming and “HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!?” the double standards 🙄

I’m an amalgam of characters apparently because my brother says I’m Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, my bestie says I’m MaoMao from The Apothecary Diaries, my wife says I’m Hei Hei from Moana, and my nephew says I’m Huggy Wuggy from Poppy Playtime. What amalgam of characters have you been told you are?

My 10 year old niece learned what GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) was and she said, “I wish girls could store up all that acid and vomit it at people who won’t stop bothering us” and I agree. 😂

i like u! by any chance r u also ignored by everyone? :D

Happy Death of Liberty and Justice for America Day fam

Okay but can we get rid of his plot armor now? ‘Murrica doesn’t need anymore character development and I think we’re fucking done with any new seasons for this shitshow.

4 yo student: jigglepuff take kleffurry to powntown! Me: …erm, yeah. Sure thing, little guy. 😅

So in which episode does he and his cult following die?

I know it’s very unethical of me but I have an indoor/outdoor spouse that likes to explore the neighborhood. No worries though, I have their shared location. 😌

When I tell people “no worries” I think what I should really say is “it’s okay the worry is mine to bear alone now u no longer have to deal with it” because why am I like this

Do y’all ever feel like you’re smart enough to know what’s wrong with you but not smart enough to deal with what’s wrong with you? Like, you’re awkward but don’t know how NOT to be awkward? 😅

Met a new coworker today and thought they were neurodivergent but apparently they’re not so I have been neurospicy signaling them for hours and now I realize why it suddenly became awkward. I thought you was acting weird at first bruh and I was following your lead. 😭😅🥴🫠

ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT! ABORT MISSION! I just told my wife that other wives don’t feel the need to bite their husbands and was met with “But I do” and a bunch of chomps all over my arms. I’m fairly certain I married a chomper.

Coworker said, “You look like the type to steal office supplies” and I was like, “fuck u like u right but still fuck u”.

Gentle parenting doesn’t exist in the wild, I’m afraid. If my kid acts up, I’m squaring up with them. *camera pans to me throwing paws with Lucifer*

Us, out on a walk You: omg are those baby squirrels!? Me: PSH that’s nothing I say as I’m walking away with a pocketful of baby possums You: hey wait a minute— You turn around and those baby squirrels are now gone They’re in my pockets alongside my baby possums