I've cancelled Hulu/ Disney and am no longer watching any live television until they stop putting that dog-murdering plastic surgery witch spitting Nazi propaganda commercials on every 15 minutes.

They made Obama quit smoking and wear dark suits forever....

I can't sit down in chairs right because my mom took Tylenol.

Truly love that South Park is just full blown nah fuck these assholes. (as they should)

Every day Youtube and/or my record pool doesn't put up an HD rip of Punkrocker by Teddybears.

Would die for himb

This Labubu situation might be getting out of hand, Commander.

Rewatching the last Spider-Man flick and every time they call Dr. Strange a "wizard" absolutely cracks me up.

Sometimes I think about getting a dog...or a lobotomy.

Someone on FB asked for "must-visit" places in Chicago and someone, in all earnesty said Cheesies & Trader Todds and I would just like to say that this is objectively incorrect.

currently

The episodes of Rick & Morty where they live whole lifetimes in a simulation or dream or whatever, absolutely break me.

I'm so grateful to be busy again, but man am I looking forward to a few days off in a row this week.

Cancelled Paramount+ today for being greedy cowards and capitulating to the big orange chicken. We love you Stephen!

Zach Snyder fans really (once again) proving to be the most toxic people on the internet; and that's quite the accomplishment these days tbh.

The country continued to yell "Someone should do something about this!" to no one in particular, for several years.

Raising rent is wild like...ok, fuck me and whatever I was gonna do with that money for the rest of my life anyway, right? I could always use less hobbies, or eat worse for the good of the nation, I spose.

Lol fuck Mitch McConnell forever, that motherfucker opened and held open the door for all of this shit.

Remember in the 90s when the vice president misspelled a word one time and that was enough to properly identify him as a fucking moron and ostracize him from politics forever? Man...what a time.

My five-year-plan is to get commercial-free on my streaming services.

Had a dream where I forgave and was nice to someone that didn't deserve it; I'm tempted to msg them out of the blue like "just so you know, I still hate you"

The biggest scandal here is that George Soros used an autopen to sign all these protestors checks.

Revving your engine and/or honking your horn is the human equivalent to barking at the mailman.

The fuck all these people on Hoarders got these big ass houses like damn

The hustle of what I do for a living can be exhausting and uncertain, but nothing has ever been so rewarding; and I can't imagine doing anything else <3

My cartoon for this week’s @theguardian.com Books

Feng Shui, but based on what we've learned from the Final Destination franchise.

Happy b’day, “Pet Sounds” — released by The Beach Boys today in 1966 and a groundbreaking influence in music. 🎂 “I bought my kids each a copy of it for their education in life,” Paul McCartney once said. “I figure no one is educated musically until they’ve heard this album.” “Wouldn’t It Be Nice”

Sky in Chicago been every flavor of Rainbow Cone tonight.

All baptisms are now double-dipped.

Do I really need to see his fucking painted ass face every time I check my email

It just occurred to me that I am Barenaked Ladies years old.

I think I'm beginning to get over my "thing" for Anna Kendrick

Healing isn't linear but whomst can afford to do lines anymore anyway.

Remember when John Bohner met with the Pope and IMMEDIATELY stepped down as the speaker of the house? I mean, yeah, they led us to Paul Ryan, but still, that was awesome. It's crazy dude would rather DIE than sit down again with JD Vance.

I don't make fun because he's a celebrity, I make fun because he's just another asshole from the south suburbs.

I think the biggest reason Fyre Fest 2 didn't work out is that no one under 40 knows who Ja Rule is.

Harrison Ford hocking Jeeps gives me the ick bigtime.

Quentin Tarantino style movie ala Resevoir Dogs that’s just two hours of Bill Maher being dragged by his feet behind a truck through the desert

My new mantra when DJing for Str8 ppl is "It's not my fault that you are not cool and do not know this yet"

For the last year and a half, people walk up to me and tell me I look like Kiefer Sutherland like they're the caveman that discovered fire. I always respond, "Thank you, but I don't know who she is."

So a song with the word ANXIETY in it like 20 times has me kind of on edge on the dancefloor; It's the musical equivalent of telling someone to calm down.

Wait, when did these guys stop being the lower taxes guys? Wasn't that like a significant part of the platform for like, ever?

Despite being overmined of its precious resources within its core and exploding years ago, Trump has announced 37.23% tariffs on the planet Krypton.