“Alexa, play ‘Oops, I Did It Again’ by Britney Spears” 🙃

Being a pet parent is like 80% cute, cuddly, and fun; and 20% absolutely not.

No one ever warned me that I would be rejected from so many opportunities for being “overqualified.”

I wonder how many hundreds of times a day I actually tell my #cat I love him.

Sporks are so underrated. They should be included in cutlery sets.

over: it all, big time

Does anyone want to join me on spiraling all the way out, or are y’all good?

If my phone is on do not disturb, do I still get my nuclear bomb warning or nah?

me 🤝 another glass jar that I can’t get rid of because I *might* be able to reuse it for something

Sandwiches (of all kinds) are the best.

Pretty sure my #cat would trade me for a tomato if he was given the chance.

It shouldn’t take a sob story, a résumé, or a uniform for #immigrants to be treated like human beings.

Keep paying attention. Keep voicing your outrage. Keep showing up peacefully. Keep choosing the bear. Keep exposing their lies. Keep honoring humanity. Keep fighting the good fight. Because it’s all we—the world—have right now.

Sometimes you adult too hard all day and end up with mac+cheese for dinner because that’s all you have the energy for.

I know the world is on fire and everything is bad but don’t forget to water, rotate, and say nice things to your #plants, babe. 🫶🏼

One of my longest (and most cherished) relationships is the one with my nail salon.

Eldest daughters really should be put in charge of everything.

My Wednesday has been particularly productive—both when it comes to checking things off my to do list and yapping on the internet. Happy to finish it with a cold glass of my favorite sauv blanc + cat snugs. Cheers to surviving another day, friends. 🫶🏼

My therapist and I have an agreement that even though she may not respond to every one, she welcomes/encourages me word vomiting emails to her about anything, whenever between appointments.

I just moved my spin bike downstairs to the basement in one piece on my own, and now I feel like the fucking hulk. 😎

#Paradise is excellent on its own. But the #DieHard references truly push it over the top—in the best way—for me.

Any time my eye wants to stop twitching, that would be great.

Good morning to everyone except people outraged by anyone other than rich white people owning #LeCreuset. Spoiler alert: The problem isn’t the cookware—it’s your thinly veiled resentment. Your racial gatekeeping is showing in real-time.

The limit of types of hot sauce to keep in house does not exist. They all serve a specific and different purpose.

Good morning to everyone except those who think gutting the #DepartmentOfEducation is the key to a stronger, smarter, or *greater* #America. Spoiler alert: there’s a reason they’d rather keep you uninformed than educated.

Currently roasting chicken thighs—solely for the cat—while he watches bird tv post-breakfast, insulin, and cookies. I want my next life to be as a housecat, y’all.

Good morning to everyone except people who didn’t believe @repstansbury.bsky.social’s sign last night. Spoiler alert: none of this is normal; and if you’re still presenting otherwise, you’re the problem.

Celery leaves are far superior to the actual stalk.

I can’t be the only one that envisions information, memories, and thoughts in their brain in a gazillion little filing cabinets. Think mildly reminiscent of Bruce Almighty except there’s like 472 of them, none of them match, they’re always jammed, and nothing is ever in the right spot.

I don’t know what’s worse: auto-rejections or rejections after multiple interviews. #Job seeking is not for the faint of heart, y’all.

Casey Anthony showing up to promote women’s rights was absolutely not on my 2025 bingo card.

Good morning to everyone except those who think they’ll wake up one day and #America will be great again just because they said so and bought a bunch of merch. Spoiler alert: that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. #GriftersGonnaGrift

Dill is such an underrated herb.

As a Rhode Islander, I’m so glad #NewEngland is finally getting the love it (rightfully) deserves.

Good morning to everyone except those who think siding with Russia puts the United States on the right side of history. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t; and it won’t end well for us. #SlavaUkraini 🇺🇦

Happy Thursday to everyone except people who support the #TateBrothers returning to the US before Romania has concluded their (well-deserved) criminal proceedings. Spoiler alert: this isn’t a coincidence.

Anytime I need to gaslight myself into doing or fixing something impossible, I (in @timgunn.bsky.social’s voice) just repeat ‘make it work, make it work, make it work, make it work’. I think it’s oddly helpful. Though I’m not sure my therapist would entirely agree.

I, a painfully independent do-it-myself single and sometimes stubborn adult, asked for (and accepted!) help with something today. Please clap.

At least once a day I have the urge to send livid messages to all the friends and family I know who voted for this and ask them if they’re happy now. Then I remember I cut them all out of my life.

Rearranging my entire apartment because I exhausted the dopamine rush I get from rearranging only my bedroom 19 years ago.

Good morning to everyone except those who think it’s anything less than vile, abhorrent, and utterly deplorable to pitch tourism profits while families are still collecting their loved ones’ bodies. Spoiler alert: you are the worst kind of human imaginable. #GazaIsNotForSale

Trying to reason with my #cat about why he has to wait until his chicken is done roasting, cooling, and is chopped before he can eat it—and it is not going well. The play-by-play pity party follows.

It’s a truly harrowing feeling to realize—whether by choice or not—that your circle and support system have changed so much that you don’t have anyone to list as an emergency contact, or know who to call first when something good (or bad) happens.

Good morning to everyone except those who thought they’d never come for them too. Spoiler alert: no one is exempt. #LeopardsMeetFace 🐆

Someone please stop me from stress-refreshing my email every thirty-two seconds.

I’m trying to love #Bluesky as much as I love the #LesserOfTheBadPlaces but man, it is not easy.

Happy Monday to everyone except those who still believe the ‘party of/for the working class’ actually supports or benefits the working class. #LeopardsMeetFace 🐆

Eating udon noodles without a fork is the most difficult thing I’ve done today.

Good morning to everyone except people who threaten Boston and its people. Spoiler alert: history shows—recent and not—it doesn’t end well for y’all. #BostonStrong

Happy Saturday to everyone except people who think it’s normal to make supporting a politician your entire personality. Spoiler alert: it’s absolutely anything but normal. #ItMightBeACultIf