Me to the uncle who definitely didn’t have gunpowder tea gin and earl grey elderflower tonic with minerals from the Swedish highlands as a drink option during the eras of Muldoon and Rogernomics: “Ohh not your thing? You‘ll just have a beer instead? More for me, I guess!! Ha ha oh no tee hee“

can’t remember, but I DO receive a yearly “wasn’t sure what to get that you can eat! Wait can you eat eggs? You’re not vegan, right— Just no meat? OHH thank god! *almost has a heart attack*“ monologue (also.. my experimental g&t‘s I politely make for everyone even though the target audience is ME)

“Character house” …and the character in question has been stripped away by white paint and a couple of cushions with tacky inspirational quotes... look, I should start a podcast where I publicly shame people who do this

This little rant about the minimalism epidemic/modernisation of old houses was brought on by me location hunting for a shoot… It’s meant to be for a wealthy family in the 60s/70s, not for a pinterest mum in 2025

I do like minimalism and angularity over swirly whirlies etc etc but art deco/modernism and also mid century….. not the abomination that is live laugh love kmart minimalism, that lots of mums seem to fall victim to these days

I know taste is subjective yada yada yada etc but…… how can anyone, on ANY planet, think that THAT is better than THIS

Nothing more atrocious than seeing a victorian villa with freshly painted white walls and ikea furniture.. or an art deco bungalow with a “live laugh love” cushion or “life’s a beach🌊” sign from kmart

Idea for one of those real estate/home renovation reality shows: The host (a hard-done-by brit… or me bc I FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THIS) goes to old houses that’ve been modernised and fallen victim to the minimalism epidemic and reverses the renovations by making them look old again

Have finally gotten it chopped 💇‍♀️💇‍♀️💇‍♀️

Much more creative than “when pigs fly”

Being vegetarian for 5 years but saying I make an exception just for salmon makes me sound like those old men in youtube comment sections who’d go “I‘m NOT gay, I’m STRAIGHT… love my wife of 50 years.. but David Bowie is a very attractive man and if he asked me to have SEX with him, I‘d say YES …..”

Friend quote: “I’ll vote National when Chris Luxon starts growing hair”

YESSSS!!! The playlist was a hit….

Labour conference update: got roped into helping with the auction and I think the fact that I made the DELICIOUS playlist that’s on right now, and also wrote the hilarious item descriptions makes up for the fact that I probably did an absolutely atrocious job at pricing the auction items shhhh🫣

I have a fringe again yayyy

I have one of the easiest names to remember to spell/pronounce, but my middle name, on the other hand really tests people’s abilities to know the difference between a y in place of a short i sound, and a long i sound

A letter from my bank addressed me as Faith CARILYN… with an i, yes…. Not in place of the y and with an e on the end….. in place of the o🤨🤨 (Okay I can let “Caroline” slide at this point cuz… rookie mistake.. but REALLYYYYY)

Friggin hilarious.. they did NOT hold back from roasting me… Also (aside from my impulsive obscene speech and “she drinks alcohol” with no other context) I am rather stable but this makes me feel like a lobotomy patient from back when we’d get diagnosed with female hysteria for having opinions

Found an old report from a psych when I was getting on new adhd meds a few years ago, and it’s CRACK UP.. (Thank you for stating that I looked my age as an 18 y/o??) My speech may have been impulsive and offensive, but hey.. at least I dressed appropriately and do had no homicidal ideation !!

Wear whatever you want blah blah blah something something don’t put yourself in a box… but okay, I just LIKE being categorised and perceived.. (Hmm I usually suit jewel tones as well.. teals and dark purples etc etc)

Am trying to figure out what my colour palette season thingy is, but I am stuck bc either 1. I suit them all, and can just pull off any colour😔, or 2. I am colour blind (I’ve been told I’m a winter.. but maybe I could be an autumn bc I better suit muted colours, and earthy tones these days)

This is from the other day.. I am currently catatonically looking at a computer screen, sorting out film post-prod stuff, running on absolute sweet F.A hours of sleep and god knows how many beroccas

Putting an effervescent aspirin tablet straight in my mouth (whoops, not sure if you’re meant to do that, but oh well) like it’s an acid tab, and then full on foaming at the mouth like a dog with rabies

Okay unless there’s such a thing as some absolute plonkers who are lucky enough to experience a placebo effect if they gaslight themselves hard enough into thinking it’s actually real…. but COME ONNNN

Thank you sale-of-liquor rule-makers for regulating 0% beer… oh dear lord, I was just about to go get heavily intoxicated on it and then get arrested for DUI

I can count the number of times in my entire life that I’ve gotten ID’d when buying booze on ONE hand, but I just got ID’d for buying 0% “booze” (not for me, of course.. as a gift)??? Oh thank GOD I’m not underage drinking fizzy fruit juice!!

Can’t believe jandals are being worn on the runway……. atrocious #KIWISAGAINSTJANDALS

Me: “David Tennant… What about David LANDLORD???” My friend: “Faith, you really are getting old because that was a dad joke right there”

Shock horror!!!! Faith got sun??!!

The heat and the sun is kinda driving me crazy.. now I see why people in Tennessee Williams plays were constantly agitated

Having ghastly pale skin at this time of year, with NZ’s horrific lack of ozone layer makes me feel as if natural selection is gonna get me

I need to find a foundation that actually matches my skin tone (alas, I always get the lightest shade and it always ends up being slightly too dark, or warm-toned) because it becomes REALLY noticeable when it gets sunnier… Come onnn.. these are clearly two different shades

All this “adopt a greyhound” propaganda is WORKING on me and eliciting maternal instincts I otherwise wouldn’t have…. I want one so bad.. they’re my fav dog breed and sooo beautiful, but also, that is another responsibility and like looking after a child

Helped a comrade out (leaked the presale code to @paultudor.bsky.social for the Pulp tickets)….. Not doing this for any of my friends my age who are just casual listeners and know like two songs.. I am gatekeeping and I’m just evil like that whoopssss #sorrynotsorry

YEAHHHH WOOOHOOOO Pulp and Garbage this summer🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 (hopefully someone who managed to get in for that festival Split Enz r playing at has some super important family event pop up so I can buy a ticket off someone….)

was gonna say “oh, how rude!!” but to be fair, if I had to be married and look after kids and cook and clean all day, I would be reliant on valium too

Told my boss “I don’t think my meds actually do their job, they just make me feel GREAT” and she likened me to a 1960s housewife that’s on valium all the time

Already seeing Garbage next month, and Pulp are coming to nz in feb WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO makes up for the fact that I absolutely failed miserably at getting Split Enz tix, and probs lost to someone’s middle aged dad

I absolutely do not muck around about making the perfect martini

In response to the “performative male reading feminist literature for women’s attention” …I present to you.. performatively reading a book about a prominent National party figure in said National voter hotbed and going ”HEYYYYYYY ANY OLD RICH MEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LEAVE THEIR FORTUNE TO?”

We saw some Muldoon books… My thoughts were: 1. “FUN CHALLENGE! Humiliation ritual! Go sit in an area that‘s populated by young leftists (ie a uni campus) and read it with the cover upright 2. Do the same in a place that‘s a National voter hotbed.. “HEYY ANY OLD RICH MEN WITH YACHTS?? HEHEH TEEHEE”

Charming that a book titled “The Backward Sex” with a woman lying on a bed in distress was written by a man. Crazy how of-the-zeitgeist it is— Shall we all just get institutionalised for female hysteria and get full frontal lobotomies, or pop a hundred valiums and stay in the kitchen all day now?

My hair has gotten craaaazy long (to MY standards)

LOCKED IN FOR GARBAGE!! (I so deserve that after FUMBLING Oasis and Split Enz tix.. also I was meant to see Pulp in Glasgow a couple of years ago but stuff came up.... FINALLYYYY!!)

(Based on my observation after walking up the road and going to the liquor store) Why‘s my ”walk up the road and go to the liquor store then pop back home to sit in my lounge and drink with like two other people” attire more dressy than the average member of the general public’s going out attire..

I think it’s pretty clear that Diane Keaton influenced my style quite a lot

The fact that I let my actors do improv for SOME scenes in my film I just shot means it’s gonna be Schrodinger’s “oh my goddd!! That‘s such a witty line!!!!!! Wait.. was it Faith’s writing or the actors’ improv chops?”

Will have to wear a tie and waistcoat for her 💔

I mean.. was I wrong? 1. A feminist awakening for me bc I thought “ why are girls and boys learning different teachings about the same text“ 2. yeah it’s true… Focusing on your own ambitions and selfish needs and wants and idol worship, self-indulgence, and having your own opinions for the win!!!!!

defs raised eyebrows with my mum by saying “Why’s it gendered?! It’s the same text!!” when they separated us for bible study.. but she was with me when I went on about how “I’m more interesting than the girls at church bc I actually have hobbies and interests, and they’re too polite and nice etc”