‘chef’ (2014) is such a perfect time capsule for how good and legitimately useful social media used to be

AI: here is what you’d look like in a stolen art style 💩 TV writers this month: here are four hour-long oners deconstructing masculinity in the digital age, a meta-satire of oners, whip-pans, and bookends which uses all three, and a season finale with ethical conundrums and a marching band ✏️🔥

opening every social media app and seeing everyone posting ghibli rip-off selfies from the new chatgpt

marvel’s new big villain is kerning

gerrymandering a cookie to get the most chocolate chips

having the time of my life at a birthday party in a restaurant where the music is playing from a spotify jam (alt, indie, disco, etc.) and the TV is showing norteño/corrido videos on mute, and we’re cheering every time the vibe or beat of the song matches with the aesthetic or cuts of the videos

‘severance’ teaching me new words like ‘a series of unfortunate events’ did when i was a kid

believe the hype re: ‘adolescence’ on netflix. 10/10 miniseries. fits into the ‘black mirror’ box as a cautionary tale about the influence of the internet on kids’ minds. astounding acting. and all four episodes being shot with ZERO cuts (not even hidden) isn’t just a gimmick — it MAKES the show.

it’s time for us to do away with ‘compartmentalise’ and ‘classify’ and other such frivolous synonyms, and just roll with ‘pigeonhole’ for everything

if you saw me planning a heist to steal the pigeon costume from the production warehouse for ‘mickey 17’, no you didn’t

imposter syndrome but instead of feeling like you don’t know enough about the industry you’re trying to get into, you feel like you know too much about the industry you’re in but never really aspired to be a part of

don’t let me join your spotify jam if you don’t want me to queue the music from fireworks factory off the ost for spyro the dragon 3 year of the dragon

if you try to tell me my writing looks AI-generated because i use em dashes with abandon, i shall embark upon a journey of delving into the rich tapestry of punching you in the face

love that there’s now a slew of movies and shows coming out set in the late 2000s and early 2010s so i can regale everyone around me about the minutiae of early smartphone user interface design

the secret to happiness is unfollowing everyone on social media EXCEPT museums and zoos

at a quinceañera right now with a little bowl of nuts to snack on, so every time the tíos flip open their wallet-style phone cases to snap pics of the night’s proceedings, i appear in the background popping a cashew

before you judge me, try walking a mile in my yellow submarine crocs

just mistyped ‘acquainted’ as ‘aquatained’ and it got me thinking: ‘aqua-tainer’ would be a sick name for a water bottle searched it and, alas, there’s already a camping brand with such a product which begs the question: did the product come first, or were they inspired after making the same typo

new greatest fear is dying and having someone write an obituary for me using chatgpt

we talk about the algorithm like it’s so clever but really it’s just “i see you liked a photo of some pizza, i will now show you ads for pizza” like lmao congrats little algo do you want a medal

as the apocalypse struck at midnight on new year’s eve 2024, the four horsemen came riding out of the smoke, and as the dust settled, the steeds upon which they galloped became clear: a capybara, a baby hippo, a hyrax, and a fluffy penguin

me [watching a fight break out at the billiards tournament, upset that people are using my equipment as weapons, but glad i have an excuse to leave]: that’s my cue

wild that my last two skeets have been — with no prior planning — inspired by the intersection of ferrero rochers and capitalism

popped open the ferrero rochers and there are QR codes on the bottoms of the little paper cups is nothing safe from ads

they say “capitalism breeds innovation,” meanwhile capitalism will be like “here is a ferrero rocher cake, it is just a regular cake with a single ferrero rocher on top”

thought i couldn’t get more radicalised against AI, then i saw the ‘remaster’ of daft punk’s ‘interstella 5555’ at the cinema, looks like mud lmao, a disgrace to leiji matsumoto’s legacy

astro bot scoring game of the year is the biggest “hell yeah” ever, now greenlight 12 sequels please and thanks, sony

good morning to everyone except the cinemex rebrand

shoutout to little stones on the ground at festivals, love pressing my feet into you when i've been standing up for six hours

no thoughts, just pigeon chair

email marketers [writing the first line of an announcement for something that has never previously been revealed and which absolutely nobody was anticipating]: “the wait is finally over!”

extremely cool branding/copywriting/cinema/geography thing: a movie theatre that sits on the US/canada border just got a rebrand (by montreal studio ‘harrison fun’), with the tagline: ‘the only cinema in the USA without a screen’ because the seats are in the US, but the screen is canada perfect

“gobble up, gobble up, gobble up, gobble up” — turkeys mishearing the lyrics to the new kendrick song

turduckens will incur a 75% tariff

no thoughts, just watermelon duck table

the title card for ‘wicked’, interestingly, eschews the logo that’s been used in all of the marketing (which is based on the logo for the stage musical) in favour of a title treatment that nods to the title card of ‘the wizard of oz’ (1939)

having a wife who’s always a lil behind on memes is cute, i’ve been waiting a few days for her to ask “who’s that chill-looking dog that everyone keeps posting?”

kendrick what are you doing i have far too much going on rn you can’t just drop an album

few things give me more unbridled joy than when i’m at a coffeeshop where a pigeon has gotten inside i just witnessed an employee pied piper-ing the lil guy outside with a trail of croissant crumbs, can’t believe this is my life

cookies actually expand based on the size of the vessel you serve hot chocolate in. cookies evolved this defence mechanism to avoid being dunked in hot beverages. if you serve your hot chocolate in a wide bowl, your cookie will grow to the size of a house. irksome, but makes the cookie last longer.

if i were named bill and i worked in congress i’d make the same damn joke every day, someone would say “a bill passed” and i’d say “thank goodness it wasn’t me!” and then one day i’d actually die and everyone would crack the same joke at my funeral, what a legacy

how to use blocks on bluesky: 1. assemble the blocks into a row and apply cement 2. repeat this until you have a small building 3. install a stone oven and put jars of chilli flakes on the tables 4. congrats, you’ve opened bluesky’s first pizzeria

incredible true facts: ‘profiteroles’ were the first spherical food sold in restaurants — the name literally just means ‘balls of profit’

to everyone following me from marketing twitter, apologies, i left the ad industry in favour of selling pigeon photography to birdwatching magazines

Worrying that big companies will replace you with AI is real and genuine, but I don't hear enough about the current way I'm mostly seeing it. The great unique small jobs doing work for local restaurants or upstart youtubers have all dried up because they're ALL using AI now.

took on a little bit of pro-bono work this week, so, uhhh, he’s a great guy, does solid environmental work, U2 is actually really underrated

me: i think i’m having X withdrawals doctor [suddenly looking gravely concerned]: did you just refer to twitter as ‘X’? me: no i mean i’m dangerously addicted to ecstasy doctor: oh thank goodness

i guess it was only a matter of time before i posted disappointing corporate rebrands on here

the way the sound from a bottle changes while you’re filling it up so you know how full it is before it overflows is very underrated

my ‘13 going on 30’ is joining twitter at 13 and then bluesky at 30