i might just be the unlucky charm of this family because those are the greatest people i know yet they keep on being forced to live through hell dealing with terrible circumstances and evil people and i feel like somehow I'm the source of all that's bad

not kidding when i say that i might actually decide to end myself soon living was not made for me and it's becoming more and more apparent with each day idk how to even describe this feeling i know with my entire body and soul that i have to escape

haven't been this suicidal in years icl

happy cat day

she's gone and idk if my brain fully processed it just yet

woke up to her getting up to get food and water on her own cleaning herself and even playing with my headphones and her chestnut toy a little which makes me both happy and sad

since i kind of get to pick the date of her passing I've been trying to settle for the most meaningful number but i just dk

I've been trying to control my crying by watching silly stuff that makes me laugh bc crying non stop every day and night already gave me a migraine but for some reason i feel guilty when i laugh i feel like a bad person for being able to disconnect at a time like this

if i had the money I'd get all the memorabilia thalt they're selling at the cremation centre but i can barely afford the cremation itself n thr bank won't let me takr a loan like i can't even get her a proper urn rn bc of how expensive the daily vet visits are

i wapnt to get one of thosr voice boxes thst they put in plushies fill it with recordings of my sunshines lil noises n put it in my childhood teddy but ones tht support digital audio so hard to come by....

don't have the time to order a paw print kit so I just made some salt dough but nowi need to find a way to seal it to make itlast forever n not mold also idk how to get a 2d paw print asap and i need to get it tattooed

this is truly the worst thing to ever happen to me up until now and going forward i wholeheartedly believe that this is the biggest tragedy i personally could possibly ever go through losing her is my biggest nightmare unavoidably coming to life and i fear that I'm not even at peak heartbreak rn

we're gonna have to put her down probably next week ish I've been preparing for this very moment 2 whole years and it still feels unreal what do you mean one day she'll just stop existing forever

she doesn't feel like eating but her breathing got better she purrs when i pet her n shes been drinking a good amount of water n finally got up to go to the litterbox which is honestly such a relief it means that at least her kidneys are still doing their job

she's so strong n brave

thw urge to stress eat

i hope that when the day comes i won't have to once again argue about whether i should or shouldn't cremate her idc how stupid people find it the same way they always visit their loved ones graves i can't imagine moving across the world one day without her by my side i just can't

i have to take her there again tomorrow for more tests but overall she's in a bad shape knowing for 2 years that your best friend could get worse at any moment and you might have to make the decision to put her down doesn't help whatsoever no matter how long you've got u just can't prepare for it

one thing that I've always hoped for was that i would find my forever partner before my cat passes so that I'd have someone to reminisce with someone who i wouldn't have to explain to just how precious she is cause they'd know it first hand someone that i could share the memory of her forever

I'm in agonising amounts of sadness

i hate the fact that everything around keeps on moving the world just keeps spinning regardless

and now i have to wait 6 more hours while she's at the vet to find out if she's okay literally all i want rn is ti die

i have to wait 4 more hours for the vet clinic to open with the knowledge that those might be thw last 4 hours i get to spend with her i feel sick

i genuinely don't know what to do my cat's breathing weirdly she's 17 got diagnosed with an inoperable tumour 2 years ago got told that she had no more than a month left given no meds usually when she's in pain it's because of constipation but it's never caused her to breathe like this

why can't my cat just magically get better

i miss tumblr

everyone always says that 3dtwt was toxic and whatnot but i preferred it much more over there it felt much more real and immersive and the toxicity part was just not accurate for me since I've always surrounded myself with nothing but kind mutuals

est 700cal please let me keep it this way it's already too much

i just wanna be skinny like I'm not asking for much

apparently everyone on here is below bmi 20 but me awsm

i feel so incredibly unloved by everyone in my life it hurts

does anyone have like a favourite site/app/doc/system/video whatever recourse it is that they use for learning languages specifically german

not proud of how much i ate today ngl

GOD

stacked up on low cal fruit juice popsicles recently and they've been saving my fat ass from the midnight munchies i have one or two if I'm feeling freaky <50 cal per tube like it's a dream

everyone being so invested in love island makes me wanna tune in as well lmao but idk if i can handle this much straightness and nonsense

crying cause why did i get mistaken for a 16 yo twice this week v.v

installed a fasting app that i've never heard of before and having the timer of how long you've been going for but also how long ago was ur last fast in the notifications bar at all times rlly puts it into perspective n is quite motivating +it doesn't have those dumb limits of how long u can fast fr

feel like a walking corpse ngl certainly don't look like one but

had boba and half a baguette with shrooms n cheese and it felt fat as hell but idec anymore I'm running on no sleep lots of fasting and walking this week and even more stress let a girl eat and nap :|

my favourite nurse took my blood too I'm truly winning today she even recognised me n was all sweet v.v

finally a gentle doctor doing my ultrasounds oml

my car sickness is so unbearably bad i already deal with nausea and motion sickness on a daily two decades in and i still haven't figured out how to deal with it kill me

so jealous of americans for all their sports events i like the vibe of going to watch anything but football/soccer matches/races whatever but i can't find a single one locally :/

waiting years for bo to release inside did NOT make waiting for him to release another special now any easier

wdym i have to wake up at 4am

breaking a 25hr fast for a bowl of leftover puree what a sad world we live in

the biker in a tight black long sleeve that i just walked by knew what he was doing is all I'm gonna say

went to 3 separate thrift shops and they had ZERO non skinny jeans ?? recession indicator

manifesting cute baggy jeans at the thrift store today 🤞