Hah! No getting me today—I’m a fool all year round!

Glad to see no one is protesting against more queens! #Rupaul28

Got a good run in this morning so that means I’m feeling over the weather today, right?

This may sound weird, but dang, I’ve written a lot of stuff! Like a *real* lot … I was looking for something on my site and fell down the rabbit hole of posts and short stories from years ago—there’s so much I’ve completely forgotten. Plus, 5 books and hundreds of articles. How did all this happen?

Oh dang, I might be a victim of artificial intelligence. Like, I think I’m really smart but I’m really not. #ai

If I had a dollar for every time I complained about the weather, I’d have enough to build my own weatherinator! Suck my temperate toes, snow, ice, and other despicable agents of cold!

Full disclosure: I’ve never been to a party during which someone jumped out of a cake. I also have never been to one that someone jumped into a cake, either. So there’s that.

I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed every time I do one of those online validations and it confirms that I’m not a robot.

If I didn’t struggle to sleep so much, and spent so much night staring at the ceiling, I’m not sure I’d resolve story plot points and holes, or finish writing books. #insomniaforthewin

Me: Whew! Cleared the driveway. The Wind: No you didn’t.

If the first cut is the deepest, is the last one more of a scratch?

All those guys getting Viagra when all they need are the green M&Ms ….

Like many, I own my mistakes—but I am open to renting or leasing them out. Name your price!

Funny no one ever thanks the sour tween Jeebus.

Is #AI really that smart, though? Like, I haven’t seen it beat the Alpha Betas and Pis at the Greek Games.

Tis the season! www.damnedct.com/connecticut-... #halloween

Why can’t anyone get taliating right the first time?

I’d say I’ve gone off the rails but I’m not sure I was on track for anything anyway

Am I delulu for thinking that there's something skibidi about the new words being added to the dictionary?

It’s sad that the current supervillains have given and are just going to rely on AI to conquer the world for them. What happened to the artistry of using a nuke in a fault line or dropping a colossal squid on NYC? #sad

Today's #writing "getting it all in one paragraph" trifecta: C-3PO, the spirit of 70s icon Lorene Yarnell, and twerking. #winning

I'm never quite sure how I get there, but getting to a sentence that includes American healthcare, Ivan the Terrible, and powdered unicorn penis always seems like a successful #writing journey.

Stick with me on this: If we shorten each hour by 2.5 minutes, we could add 1 whole extra hour to every day! And think what you could do with that extra time—take up a new hobby, read or sleep more, or even boost your math skills. #winning

After all these years, I'm not sure that I'm hungry like the wolf as much as I'm peckish like the fox.

Looks like those danged pigeons in the park finally got their revenge ... #rip (rest in parody) variety.com/2025/music/o...

Ozzy’s last performance was in front of thousands of adoring fans, a perfect sendoff. Hulk Hogan’s last appearance on RAW, he got booed out of the building by apathetic fans calling him a fraud ... also a perfect sendoff.

Assuming when #Ozzy died, he just dissolved into a cloud of bats and flapped off peacefully into the darkness #rip

#Writing lament: I wish I was half as good at promoting my work as I am about imagining all the ways people might hunt me down with torches and pitchforks to tell me they dislike it, or just being pelted by random passersby with cabbages and rotten tomatoes. That said: www.amazon.com/dp/B0DPDV7JX...

Sorry but when exactly does this get social?

Spoilerz (kinda): Can't believe I went to see #Superman and all he did was be kind and nice and help everyone and save the world. WTFudge, who wants heroes like that?! I mean, he was even nice to a dog, and his parents! *clutches pearls so hard they shatter like the planet Krypton*

No one asks to be born, but dang, some days we treat folks like they were in line pounding their fist on the service desk demanding to be.

Superman? I'll take the soup, thanks ....

Sure, you could celebrate #PrimeDay by buying something shiny & new like a miracle thaw plate but wouldn't you rather be entertained with some "bad" old-fashioned #humor? Available in paperback/Kindle & guaranteed to be the best Satan book you purchase today! #booksky www.amazon.com/dp/B0DPDV7JX...

Just sharing this as it probably won't show up in any feed from a major news source ... www.click2houston.com/news/local/2...

Walking around the grocery store on a Sunday morning and it’s hard to convince myself that we haven’t given up as a species …

Still trying to picture the moment when some high-ranking exec slammed his fist on the desk and shouted, “Yes! We are ALL IN on Limu Emu!”

Just clipped my own fingernails and toenails without drawing any significant blood, so that counts as a mani/pedi, right?

Why does no one talk about being a monkey’s aunt? It’s bananas…

It's mid June, *surely* I can put away my winter blanket now . . . .

Still can't believe we never got so much as an "dou itashimashite" from Mister Roboto.

I appreciate how #AI always offer to help with every. single. task., but believe it or not, I can use my natural intelligence to make a bowl of cereal on my own, thanks anyway!

I’d like to be easy like Sunday morning but really I’m more “Dang I slept in and I still have to run, pay bills, and clean the bathroom” Sunday morning

Me: "Okay, it's June 1st ... I'm going to turn off the heat." Son: "You animal!"

Ok sure, I can tell you that these books are a lot of fun (and why would I fib—you know, other than the main character is Lord of Lies), or you can check out reviews/ratings from others, which I still can't wrap my head around and greatly appreciate! #humor #writing www.amazon.com/dp/B0DPDV7JX...

New plan for when I die: Ingesting and shoving as many popcorn kernels inside every available orifice as possible for a special final surprise for whoever is running the crematorium.

If there's anything that goes together like old white guys and cutting the lawn multiple times per week, I don't know what it is.

Sometimes I *almost* feel like I'm missing out when I hear a drug commercial and they list all the side effects. Blood in my phlegm, fungal skin infections, and dark urine? Some kids have all the luck!

My neighbor will routinely hop on his lawn tractor and cut his lawn, and then also the lawn of 3-4 other surrounding houses. I can't decide if this is just kindness or kind of asserting dominance. Or both? #biglawntakesanothersoul

So beginning to accept that "sunny" is not a thing the weather does any more, and it's just "gray" and "less gray." yay.

Letter to the Management: I am NOT okay with having to turn on the heat within sight of Memorial Day. Enough of this interminable rain, wind, and chill. Let's crank up the sun and start cooking my old lizard body already!