Don't tell me being scared straight doesn't work because I still don't go swimming after eating #genx #themoreyouknow #scaredstraight

This is my all-time favorite promo video. #tbt (DISCLAIMER) I will not be performing at the Stardome in December. The only way I'll ever get back there is if I get 100,000 YouTube subscribers or appear on some reality show @cartoonsbyandie.bsky.social

The time I risked my daughter's life to capture a viral moment. Happy Birthday kid. I love ya @cartoonsbyandie.bsky.social #happybirthday #prouddaddy

A really confusing day for MAGA #worldseries #daylightsavings #humor @gavinnewsom.bsky.social

How I think Turning Point USA reacted after Bad Bunny was announced as the Superbowl halftime show #badbunny #superbowl #halftimeshow #turningpointusa #nokingsday

Don't live with regret #lol #humor #chocolatemilk #regret

Am I the only one who forgets they have a Bluesky account? #bluesky

#riyadhcomedyfestival Honestly they probably wouldn't have gotten me

Let's be clear when a racist sexist MAGAot speaks it's their first amendment right, when anybody speaks up against them it's not and should be punished. That's how the mind of MAGAots works. #FDT #1stamendment #freedomofspeech

If they can't do this right how do you expect them to win the Superbowl. The Indianapolis Colts better call Auntie Anne's FAST!!! #lol #FoodFails #IndianapolisColts

Size does matter #80s #80smusic #genx

At #anime414 in Milwaukee this weekend! Stop by if you're in the area! There's a great buzz in this room already!

Why so serious? #bettebenice #betterbenicetrend #Joker #batman @cartoonsbyandie.bsky.social

Just posting this to annoy all the flat earthers. Happy TGIF everyone #tgif #lol

I told Jake the Cat to smile and he did this. #funnycats #cats

Let me be clear the energy of the No Kings protests were amazing but it means nothing if you don't actually vote. So F'N vote!!! #nokings #fdt #voteblue

Growing up I never thought I'd ever be a father but now I can't imagine not being one. The day I became a father was the greatest day of my life. Happy Father's day. #FathersDay

#fdt #nokings #resist

Oh no I just realized I won't be able to make it 😉 #nokings #fdt #resist #ihavefriendseverywhere

I'm a Stand-up Comedian #comedian #standupcomedian #satire #humor

Liar Liar Pants on Fire #dating #comedy

Did I really write a song about licking 9 Volt Batteries? Yes, yes I did #humor #genx #comedy

Some poetry for you #poetry #poet #poem

What is Boyfriend Material? #poet #poetry #poem #humor

WTF #wtf #seriously #stupidity #sodumb #stitch #humor #lol #fyp #fdt #💙

From almost feral 3 months old kittens to this. All the food, water and comfy places to sleep and watching the squirrels jumping from tree to tree off my deck #cats #caturday

#commissions! Feel free to DM me with questions! (Prices are in USD!)

Cheer up the birthday boy by following him #birthday #birthdayboy #happybirthday

There's always a chance #cats #whysoserious #catsofbluesky #cat

So from this point on anyone who follows me, I will immediately follow you back. #followforfollow #followmefollowyou #followme #followyou

PreShow Soundcheck #soundcheck #preshow #rammstein #duhast #almostshowtime #fyp

To my massive 16 followers.... enjoy #newshoes #trending

The podcast no one asked for is here. 3 Questions with Mr.Showtime and our first guest is the incredible Corey Ryan Forrester and we learn why Alf must die. Click the link to watch the first episode #podcast #humor #fmk #comedy youtu.be/M4DBYHGf7Gc?...

Tonight in honor of Val Kilmer I'll be watching my all-time favorite movie #RealGenius #ValKilmer #RIP

It's impossible to explain the sadness I felt when I learned earlier that Val Kilmer passed away and how this movie influenced a young 15 yrs.old kids' life. Thank you Val for all you did without ever knowing it. I'll be forever grateful. #RIP #valkilmer

My new hate arrived #fdt #resist

It's time for me to start making some real money. So I'm officially on ONLY FANS. 💰🤑 💰 Now the show really begins 😉 #AprilFools #AprilFoolsDay #itsajoke #orisit #lol

Happy Beetlejuice Day everyone!!!! March 30th 1988 the original Beetlejuice made its theatrical debut and the world was never the same again. #beetlejuice #beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeetlejuice #MichaelKeaton #timburton #winonaryder

I'm at PeoriaCon this weekend! (If I'm not at my booth, I'm probably walking around looking for MK comics, I'm trying to resist the urge to walk around right now. There are so many cool looking vendors here!)

With their new hit single Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! #pearljan #janbrady

Angel Reese BANG!!! #wnba #angelreese #basketball #BANG #caitlinclark

I know the next 4 years are going to be rough and suck hard but I'll do what I can to keep putting smiles on your faces but always remember I am 100% Foxtrot Delta Tango and I won't be quiet about it #resist #FDT #elbowsup #gulfofmexico

It really is up to us now thanks to the 🍊 💩 and his magaots #ftd

FU Elon we thought about it first Growing up GenX #GenX #comedy #80s #comedian #standup #standupcomedy #fdt #elonmusk #facts

Oh how they have grown and Steve now almost tolerates me and doesn't want to murder me in my sleep anymore. He wants to murder me when I'm awake. I call that progress #cats #kitties #catsofbluesky #catsofbsky @cartoonsbyandie.bsky.social

Your favorite Former Underoos Underwear Model is now 6x Platinum. This should all but guarantee that I'll be headlining theatres from now on. #viral #ViralSensation #veryfamous

This is pretty accurate #fdt

It's time so-called Democrats in Congress grow a spine and fight like our lives depend on it #fdt @olbermann.bsky.social

I'm more than just a pretty face...I can also bake...don't rush to slide into my DMs all at once ladies. #stillsingle

I have very few dealbreakers #dealbreaker