Never underestimate the Democrats' ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

They said it couldn’t be done, but I did it! #TouchGrass

It’s not gay if… … what if I want it to be gay? Can’t a boy who dresses like a girl kiss a boy and it be gay?

The Press will never ask Nancy Pelosi the real questions

As a native daughter of California #GoDodgers

It’s pumpkin fucking season, who wanna be the pumpkin 🎃 ?

Back in 2006 I used to pay to shop at Costco, today Costco pays for ME to shop there.

I’m not gaslighting you, you’re just crazy.

Fuck you President Trump and Fuck you Texas

Kids: Always wet your hands, soap them, frot, and rinse your hands frequently and especially before eating. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOfJ...

Debussy? Why would I want less Bussy in my life?

I noticed a big overlap between those who oppose the #NOKINGS protests and those who oppose democracy

Breaking: The Grim Reaper has announced he is running for Congress in California’s District 11

Trans-accepting Obama be like: If you like your penis, you can keep your penis

This guy doesn't know the majority of hispanic illegal immigrants are non-Mexican. Also Baseball caps, Cowboy hats, and Panama hats are more popular in Mexico than sombreros are. Of course Republicans COULD offer more checks to ban illegal immigrants from Medicaid, but they don't want to admit it

The rapture was real, I went to heaven and am in the most perfectly decorated cafe, ever

"You're not an American because you don't live in the US." Now I understand the phrase, "Scratch a liberal and a fascist bleeds", since physical location does not determine citizenship.

Today's Math Lesson, specifically geometry: Three points that are not on a straight line can be intersected by a circle, you just need to adjust the circle's size and position relative to the three points. Here's Las Vegas, NV; Austin, TX; And Pierre, SD in a circle

Remember when conservatives called us hyperbolic for accusing them of advocating for a trans genocide?

Shoplifting is a myth

The Gulf of America is fake like the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or the American Dream.

Charlie Kirk is the new 9/11 with different scapegoats

He had a trans girlfriend? So you admit the trans person didn't do it? #CheckmateConservatives

I don't celebrate 9/11 myself, but happy 9/11 to those who do.

I don't feel sorry for people who probably think I should be stoned to death for being gay #FuckCharlieKirk #RestinPiss

The same political party that celebrates every trans woman’s death are telling me to have empathy for Charlie Kirk because he was a father.

To the Charlie Kirk fans out there

Good news everyone!!!

Where a mathematician sees a pattern and outlier, a conspiracy theorist sees proof the trend is fake news.

Any time someone points to Kilmar Abrego Garcia as a "wife beater" just let them know President Trump said a "little fight with the wife" isn't really a crime.

Breaking: Drunk Neil Degrasse Tyson says, "Fuck it, Pluto is an honorary planet now."

I think more people would support leftism if leftists weren't the ones proposing it.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if Kamala was against the Palestinian Genocide she would have lost anyway.

"Kamala lost because she's pro-genocide" Nope, it wasn't Americans' top issue, and for some not even the top 5. It was the economy. I agree #FreePalestine but #bidenflation is what elected Trump.

Anyone wakeup and forget which gender they are?

CVS is solving the opioid crisis!

Most buildings are designed to be struck by lightning ⚡️⛈️, I think it's because they usually put most buildings outside.

How “small government” Republicans feel about the government the second their guy is in office:

I love it when coworkers hit on me.

Somebody That I Used to Know gave me Anxiety

Watching so-called “leftists” cheer the dismantling of USAID by Trump is wild. Even if it had CIA ties, the food was real, the water was real, the medical aid was real. You don’t punish starving people to score points against U.S. foreign policy. That’s not leftism.

I’m not white, I’m “gentrified.”

Triple-fisting, AMA

Dear Candice Ownes, As your attorney, I strongly advise you to retract the statement immediately. Doubling down will eliminate retraction as a defense and expose you to serious defamation liability. This is your only off-ramp.

Nightmare: ICE, already a large agency, is expanding 16x their size. They can't find enough qualified ICE to expand that large. They deputize the Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and any white guy in a mask they can find with a gun. If they do anything illegal, they get a pardon.

I might be paying $1,200 more annually for health insurance, thanks Trump! You got my vote! #sarcasm

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

Man dies in lightning strike, his last words were "Come at me Zeus!"

I support gay rights, or as Ozzy originally said it: Look mate, I don’t give a toss who ya love—let the blokes marry blokes, birds marry birds, whatever, yeah? Just stop bein’ a bloody wanker about it. Let people be happy, for f—’s sake!

You can't convince a Zionist to change their mind. It's not about money—it's a religion. Even if it cost twice as much, dropped half as many bombs, and required banning defense lobbying and profit—they'd still back it.