ps if you know ANYONE ~anyone~ orchestrating a queer into the woods reboot I am still ready and willing to play the bakers wife at moments notice

Andy has been hospitalized for breaking his back carrying the fun as part of the token gay couple at a str8 karaoke evening

im at the let’s hit play on this random “feel good” playlist point in my week

“i am the slowpoke” - Andy Chekov

feeling very ice in my oj imma cold hard bitch today

much to unpack

zzt ⚡️zzt ⚡️

to the man playing JD in Heathers off broadway rn, big slurrrrrp

ok hear me out — a burlesque number to Lazy Eye by the Silversun Pickups

~how’d I shift shape like that~

Resign or impeach him.

The way I could do this all day every day for the rest of my life and be the happiest boy !!

Beach day two and ass cheeks are cooked !!!

camera roll is loaded lowkey need a cashpig….

We’ll see if this self destructs later

Lesbians complimenting my butt on the cherry grove beach no one can fucking touch me rn

ringing in a new era 🤭

taken moments before some sea creature slashed my foot open (and rightfully so!)

nothing is more mindful or meditative than rubbing aloe on my tits after a beach day

Feeling very very hot™️ bc I just pointed out 4-constellations from memory

me when i see my bfs butt

what if i make this my alt

casually learned my ring size and my fingies are laughably small

did not expect this current era for me but ya I deserve 😌

really disappointed to see how a lot of the ru girls are commenting on this years winners like—it’s a reality television competition that you agreed to be on…????

home 🩵

It’s 10pm I’m on hour 2 of a 4 hour Amtrak ride and the conductor is SCREAMING at the top his lungs every 20minutes when we stop

now that’s 4 flights in a row that have been cancelled whaaaaat is happening

currently

flop news source reporting on words shared in a private Facebook group lol

bb week 1 feeds insane we are so back !!!

reality tv wanna be gays tweeting they’d be masterminds on BB when in reality they would be imploding like Jimmy rn send tweet

today’s installment of let’s bake a cake

just ate the best cannoli I’ve ever had in ny

been feeling very this is ridiculous WHAT am I doing here im in the ~wrong~ story lately

Tonight is very much giving “the moon” a la great comet

I cannot believe the day I’ve had like woooowwwww life is magical sometimes huh 🥹

nothing like getting a little zooted on the roof while baking to a crisp before a day of cooking yummy food !!!!

final fantasy found dead in a ditch fr fr

good morning sweaties

been making my way through old survivor seasons for the first time and I cannot believe those women ate that sacrificial chicken causing an monstrous thunderstorm and dooming us to watch that Kansas City woman win

expedition 33 ending was absolutely devastating WHAT a game

Marked safe from eating my first hotdog in like 6 years 😮‍💨

i took a bite of a perfectly ripe strawberry and i swear it broke the bounds of time and space

top appreciation gives str8 pride month like—the ticket to ride is appreciation enough what more do you want from me !!!!!

it’s 945 am and dear reader lemme tell you I have had a day

spotted these new hinge ads on the subway and the messaging is so boring with a hint of psychosis which tracks

never underestimate the restorative powers of a stellar chopped cheese

and on the third day his brain went zzzt zzzt ⚡️

just woke up from the most restorative nap