What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? – Sneakers.

What do you call a factory that makes good products? – A satisfactory.

Why did the tomato blush? – Because it saw the salad dressing.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? - He was outstanding in his field!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? – In case he got a hole in one.

Why did the stadium get hot? – All the fans left.

What do you call an illegally parked frog? – Toad.

What did the fisherman say to the magician? – Pick a cod, any cod.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? – Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

What did one plate say to the other plate? – Lunch is on me.

How do you make a lemon drop? – Just let it fall.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? – Because he was outstanding in his field.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? - Dung.

What did the fisherman say to the magician? – Pick a cod, any cod.

Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? – Because they have a lot of spirit.

Why was the stadium so hot? - Because all the fans left.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? – Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? – Because she’ll let it go.

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? – Because they might crack up.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? – Frostbite.

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? - Because it ran out of juice.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? – 1Forrest1.

What do you call a bear without any teeth? – A gummy bear.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? – A gummy bear.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? – His car got toad away.

Why was the math book sad? – Because it had too many problems.

How do you organize a space party? - You planet.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? – In case he got a hole in one.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? - An investigator.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. - She looked surprised.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? - They don’t have the guts!

Why don’t koalas count as bears? – They don’t have the right koalafications.

Why was the stadium so hot? - Because all the fans left.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? – Supplies!

How does a tree get on the internet? – It logs in.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today? – His car got toad away.

Why do fish live in saltwater? – Because pepper makes them sneeze.

How do you organize a space party? – You planet.

Live now: Subathon Stream 60 and yes… we’re still building the ship on BeardCraft. At this point it’s a lifestyle choice. Game: Minecraft (BeardCraft Realm) Dad joke: Why don’t ships ever argue? They just let things drift. 👉 twitch.tv/beardeddad1987

What did the fish say when it hit the wall? – Dam.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? – Where’s popcorn?

What did the traffic light say to the car? – Don’t look, I’m changing.

What do you call a pile of cats? – A meowtain.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? – Because some relationships don’t work out.

What do you get when you mix a snowman and a vampire? – Frostbite.

Live now: Back on BeardCraft for Subathon Stream 56 — time to keep building this ship and hope it actually floats. Game: Minecraft (BeardCraft Realm) Dad joke: Why don’t pirates take showers? They just wash up on shore. 👉 twitch.tv/beardeddad1987

Live now: Subathon Stream 55 — diving into some fish art because why not? If this subathon never ends, at least the fish will look good. Game: Art Stream Dad joke: What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofish-ticated. 👉 twitch.tv/beardeddad1987

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? – Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? – She kept running away from the ball.