I think we have reached the point where no amount of finding out can suitably atone for the extraordinary amount of fucking around that is afoot.

Call me cynical, but I imagine the endpoint of Rand Paul's investigation into ICE will be "Yes, let's continue to be cruel to browns, but not kill them right away - send them elsewhere and they can die there", and most Americans will nod nod nod.

I feel like many on the left are describing America's descent into fascism as a uniquely Republican catastrophe. Any ideology, any party, any governance can become Nazis in short order; all it takes is a base who wants to win at all costs, and a charismatic and soulless leadership to pull it off.

Very much enjoyed the movie If Beale Street Could Talk. Looking forward to the sequel, Beale Street Has No Mouth and It Must Scream

Hey America, how are things going with you? Oh, you know: Pretti Good.

BREAKING NEWS: Vampires Assert Right to Enter Your Home and Suck Your Blood Without Being Invited Inside, a Clear Violation of the Edict of Wallachia

"Yeah, I dunno," said time-travelling Hitler, stirring uneasily. "He makes grifting for appeasement look so... cheap." #storyprompt

our president, like his ego, bruises easily

This is the second-worst Davos appearance

I'll never forget that time the masked Lone Ranger rode into town with Tonto the Indian, stopped the bank robbers, then demanded to see Tonto's papers, hit him with pepper spray, zip-tied his wrists, and bundled him into a rented Acura. Neither have been seen since - and we never thanked him right!

I cannot condone the deportment of the Department of Deportment, whose ignoble men foment moments of domestic deep torment.

If it helps our foreign friends, you may wish to think about Trump's push to buy Greenland as something akin to the Blues Brothers asking for you to sell them your women. Except, unlike the Blues Brothers, he actually does want to buy your women. Especially the little girl.

Before there was The Shadow, or Doc Savage, or Batman, there was The Saint - Leslie Charteris's do-gooding, globe-trotting two-fisted lady-killing gentleman. The Roger Moore show is the best adaptation of the original stories and can be watched in full on Prime, if you can stomach feeding Bezos.

But we WANTS Greenland, Precious. It's our birthday.

Looking forward to tomorrow's Patriots/Texans matchup in which we will find out which head coach can sprint faster down the sidelines

Kind of want to go to the protests with a sign reading DOES STRENUOUSLY OPPOSING THE AUTHORITARIAN TAKEOVER OF OUR SOCIETY WORK? JUST DID!!

I have dubbed Machado's regifted award the Nobelongtoyou Prize.

Sure, but when *I* go into a Starbucks and ask for a list of Jews, suddenly *I'm* a monster.

We Didn't Start the Fire But We Did Shoot the Deputy

"Oh I thought we were going to RUM Venezuela." -Pete Hegseth, probably

Looking forward to buying Venezuela for pennies on the dollar in bankruptcy auction someday soon, given who's running it

Who run Venezuela-Bartertown? DISASTER-BLASTER RUN VENEZUELA-BARTERTOWN!

I am displeased to announce that Donald J. Trump has won (?) the Major League Baseball Reckless Warmonger Award and Lifetime Ban from the Hall of Fame

Happy Holidays you magnificent beasts. youtu.be/SrXswIbWA7Y?...

Uh I think you mean bomb DIGGITY cyclone

Baiting my bay area football fan relations with "...and Tiny Purdy (who did NOT die)"

I see from the news that the avuncular tyrant slept poorly, had fever dreams, and learned absolutely nothing

At Chinese food resto for Xmas Eve, the Marge Simpson's sisters clones next to me have blown past the Terrible People Achievement Award by not only griping about slow service but also bitching that the chili paste is insufficiently spicy. "It just takes forever to get hot!"

Remember to look at the upside of things. Every moment our President is sleeping in cabinet meetings is a moment that he is not sexually abusing children or demanding the destruction of some cherished corner of our Nation

I'll just point out that the President's proposed bonus to service members is only one dollar in base-patriot

I do not have any interest in watching the President's prime-time address this evening for much the same reason I do not have much interest in watching any of the Girls Gone Wild videos.

Remember, traveller: before embarking on a journey of revenge against yo mama, dig two graves. THAT'S how fat she is.

"Never Again" is a slogan of us Jews remembering the Holocaust; it is sacred. But words can mean different things, and praying for our survival can twist souls. 'Never Again' could mean never for anybody, but others, if they are honest, mean never for me... maybe one time for you if you deserve it.

Breaking News: Global Racists Stymied as Bondi Beach Villains and Heroes Both Have Islamic Names

"Emacs is for cucks and libtards; only vi is used by the real men of the Department of Stand on Business." -Marco Rubio, probably

I'm pleased to announce that I am the recipient of the 2025 Mrs. Fields Cookies Prize for Mathematics

In the wake of the tragic killing of Charlie Kirk, let us all work to reduce the temperature of political speech so that violence will [CHYRON: SITTING PRESIDENT BAYS FOR HEADS OF POLITICAL OPPONENTS]

Breaking News: ICE Will Not Stop, Collaborate OR Listen

Ineptstein Was Incapable of Killing Himself

At Judas Priest. Most interesting: my personal judgments of others based on their metal shirts - Iron Maiden (my people), Metallica (zzzzzzz), Slayer (past your bedtime kid), Def Leppard (no), Deep Purple (oh FUCK YOU you goddamn poser)

I DON'T KNOW WHO NEEDS TO HEAR THIS BUT YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR EAR

We have arrested the girlfriend of the leader of Antifa! What's... what's her name? It's, uh, Girrell... Frend. What's HIS name? Why, uh, he's the super notorious and well-known, um, Bowen... Spurs.

AT LAST OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER - Diane Keaton, dead at 79

An argument probably could be made that the Nobel Prize for Peace really should be Trump's, seeing how it's his birthday, and he wants it, Precious.

I fully expect the Puppy Bowl to beat the Turning Point USA All-American Halftime Event in the ratings. ESPECIALLY if they get Lee Greenwood

Acronyms can serve as useful abbreviations, allowing a kind of mental shorthand that crops the length of things you would otherwise have to spell out fully - like Away From Keyboard, As Soon As Possible, or Risky For Kids, Junior.

Why is everyone trying to get me to buy Crypto; sure he has super-powers but c'mon folks he's JUST A DOG WITH PEOPLE AND A HOME

Perhaps we are not, after all, going to find out who's naughty or nice.

I sure hope we get a movie about the 'Big Balls' carjacking and Edward Coristine plays himself because that will be the SECOND best chance we'll get of seeing a virgin on the big screen

No no fellow whiteys, the superbowl show is BAD BUNDY, an uproarious medley of the comedic stylings of Married... With Children, possibly the whitest show in the history of television. Tune in fearlessly and if you see any brown people, you KNOW Al Bundy will soon be having a laugh at their expense!