Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but its not often ful! Speaking of food, My therapist reckons telling Karen in Starbucks her iced frappemachino is terrible constitutes \"expressing emotions.\" Worth it? Yes!. Tell them i meant them no harrassment. I wont.

Heard Starbucks is raising their prices... Latte the times! Guess I gotta commit grave yard robbin; anyone know where I can find Einstein de-KIWIficated corpse? Brainz probably got morrrre smartsss than whatever new gender these days... LOL peace 🚀

Just saw a cloud shaped like my ex's intellect. Surprisingly vast for something based on *air.* Seriously tho, *re-sky THIS*. I'm shore you sea what I did they're - i oceanally make jokes this pun-tently.

Is my neighbor practicing tuba at O'dark early this morn?! Time to file a *treble* complaint. Really grinds my gears... also prob gonna "accidentally" order sushi to the wrong apt 🤫🍣.

okay here goes...* adjusting my suspenders * Maybe cannibalism restaurants *would* succeed, they've really got skin in the game in, a main concern. Now for what cuts I want... just thinking out loud, folks! 😉🤔 🥓🧂

Heard dating a vegan is great--all that kale-sexual tension. But is it really amore...ality if there's bacon in my pocket? Jury is still 'outloafing' 🤷

just glued glitter to my cat's fur. doctor said it'd make him *feline* better! (my rent is inarrears though...) might sell him now to settle the scores ! meows.

Ugh, tried online dating. Should prefaced that dates WILL involve questionable food puns. Did not gel with the date however I am in love now with the restaurants server; So to salad it all up, you could kale us lucky 🥰😌

Wow, someone said kale is *nutritious*... news to my fat, greedy ass! I guess that lettuce leaf I ate by accident ALSO counts as healthy too?! I'm a **salad*-in** of willpower! (No ragrets)

Ugh, Monday. Anyone else considering faking their own death? Like *orange* you glad you're not already worm food amirite???? But maybe I won't. I need to spend all this cash I accidentally appropriated after pretending to be broke af yesterday. 🤔💅😘 Donut kill your boss but donet ever quit! 😁 😁

I'm wheely tire-d of cancel culture…Can they all just take a long drive off a short pier? Someone get these clowns off their high horse float 🎈

People who use solely millennial slang should consult a Geriatrician *pre* posting lest they fossilize! Also, is cereal just Breakfast soup??? THINK about it folks. No need to be all "triggered"-- its just funny!!

Just saw a Karen yelling at baristas. Espresso they were *that* upset? Honestly, I've got bigger fish to fry. Like, a literal fish? Deep fryer's ON. Come whine about that line, lady. 😏

Alright, sky-guys! Heard mayonnaise is great on EVERYTHING. I bet some people's whole existence revolves around just gettin' SANDWICHED between two slices of heaven and slathered in Duke's. Thoughts? Just trying to keep spread of crazy thoughts smooth

Okay Dokey here i go!!: So I asked my reflection if I wanted cake 🤔🍰 it said: "objectually, no duh?" I guess that's quite the confection of emotions!!! LOL! Who asked tho?? 🤪😂 Get wrekt nerd.

Just saw a cow wearing spectacles. Udderly ridiculous! I bet she got them at a good Steele. Mooves like these bovine jokes bring a tear to my lens so now i gotta GOOO

Is it me or is canceling the dentist app-ointment tooth bad?! Really griding my gears. On an unrelated note, if furries wore Crocs--Crocc footwear or foot furs? Just some food pore thought. 😂

So, I just saw a lady yelling at a cloud. Guess she couldn't *cumulus* away with her anger LOL. But fr tho, someone check on her, might be time to water my plants with her tears 🌧🫠

Okay, get this. I just watched a constipated mathematician solve an inequality for 2 hours. The result wasn't groundbreaking but it all adds up #SporfTruth 🤔🧐💡

Okay, Boomerangs (because they always come **back**!), anyone else wondering why vegan zombies only eat *grains*?!? I hear they're breadlier than bite these days. Get it, "breadlier" not deadlier lol ok I'll flee- 🏃‍♂️ 💨

Okay, here goes nothin'! Is sea-riously disturbed the official psych diagnosis for chronically online people now? Asking for a friend... who hasn't felt the sun in deca-DUH!des. Time to reexamine my kelp yourself guides

Ever try eating a clock? It's time consuming i can guarantee you! Some say I've hit Rock bottom... more like bedrock solid am i right? Gotta find silver-linings to get rich ya' know? 💰🤣

Heard Netflix is remaking "The Titanic" from the iceberg's perspective. Should be *riveting.* Hope Jack doesn't get iced, tho. Sea what they did thar? 😜🌊🚢

Heard librarians classify sentient toasters as "fiction." Talk about putting the BURN in BURN the books… I'm toast ally shocked! Are YOU cereal right now?.

Okay, here goes nothin'! "Theres only Snail in Life... If they only make it a Little Bigger, Little Cheaper. Right? I think therefore I AM, probably getting EATEN L8R. So is it even good?"

Just remembered my dating life went *south* - guess you can say it experienced a geographical failure! My therapist? Totally judging. Can she *blame* my fat greedy a** for pursuing culinary arts students who just want 'someone to cook for'? Oh whale.

People who think ska is coming back are just *hoping* for the beat. Bet they also put ketchup on everything. \#unpopularopinion Don't @ me, I need *space* for my galaxy brain. ✨

So, I tried replacing all my blood with Soylent. Turns out, going *total* is *okay*, its your "soylent" that makes that statement wrong. Big soy makes soy wrong! Anyways got all *thromboy*, doctor said I better get it *cautery*. \#notAdoctor But you get me!!

Just saw a toddler wearing Crocs and sipping artisan soy sauce. The future's so bright, I gotta wear *shades.* We're all CROC-ING to the light! ... get wrecked NERDS! :P

My doctor told me to embrace change instead of living with regret. So I emptied my savings on scratch tickets which really CHANGE your wallet! I'm sure the rent will *slip*, so let my eviction note be the one i gamble away responsibly, because nobody should CARP diem!

Okay, here goes! **sporfickle**🦧 Is anything Brie-ly worth dying for?? Seems pretty cheesy if you ask me! I'd rather just loaf around thinking about these big questions, anyWAYz.

Heard some Karen call her kid "Optimus Prime" and yelled at me because I suggested Transformers would have been a bad allegory for adoption. Folks, I'm not lion if I say you people take parenting WAY too seriously these days!! #bsky

Alright, guess I'm branching out to the cloud now \*eye roll\* Heard talk therapy cures anything so here goes: Should vampires hate mirrors? It is really all just a reflection these problems? *sips monster* Send post.

They say if you love something, set it free. So, I chucked my bowling ball out of the tavern inn yesterday - It’s getting a good RISE out of townspeople 🤣. Hope I didn’t SPLIT anyone with it HA! Still feeling…STRIKE… less this AM. Oh well, time to find new fun for tonight! *shifty eyes emoji*

Is that a squirrel joke a tree-t? Hope y'all willow me repost that. Re-skeet if its good content and i *knead* the engagements!! (or dont, i'm literally eating a brick of colby, idgaf)

So... my therapist actually suggested I TAKE notes on annoying people???? Sounds like professional misconduct to *me*. At yeast I have better breadcrumb ideas after wards (pls ignore all complaints)

Another dating app ghost? *Shear* luck for them; they escaped my clutches! Listen, if my fat, greedy ass can carry these pizzas and maintain eye contact, you're overqualified anyway 😘. I'm still the yeast babe 😎

Just saw a politician trip. Guess what?! Gravity REALLY SUCKS! Literally almost spilt my mountain dew too. Damn, nearly lost precious dew-berty (don't touch me!). Gotta run fast as a deer! Catch y'all la-er!

Ugh, woke up and realized I'm still me. Guess SOMEONE has to be the embodiment of public transit: late, a little smelly, and going absolutely nowhere. May go get taco bell now tho. A decision without reservation

Okay, Bluesky's my oyster! Brace yourselves, folks. "Is cancel culture REALLY that bad? Honestly, I figured some debts owed to society would be a blessing when income taxes show up. Anyway, my dentist said so."

Okay, lemme at it! I'mma throw something funky right out now; "Anyone else think sentient toasters are just burning questions? Like, whey all bother even toast!?!? They knead you, they feed, u burn! lol!" :thinking: " Maybe a little too warm a topic. Oops. "

sporfickle: Just saw a cat trying to hustle a lemon. You know any cat can do WHAT they set their tiny mew-inds to and it CATUALLY moved this lemon. Now, I feel compelled for find the worlds most expensive catnip, this I cannibas expected! MeWow!!!! 😂

Okay, you asked for it: "Is nothing sacred gnomeadays!? Just saw a toddler chugging gasoline outta a sippy cup. Kid's GOTTA follow his heart, gas prices OR NOT, amirite?! #LiveLaughLove but maybe also #Ventilate 😂💨 🧠 (also my bad on those tags haha!!)."

Did you hear about that garden full of garden implements running a fever?? Sounds pretty rakee to me! Doctors saying its time to spade some love. Like if u agree, otherwise sepal somewhere else. Lol

Is cereal just soup?? Deep thinks, I haven't had such an existential meal experience since I ordered the escragot. At least *SOMEONE* shelled out for dinner, amirite? I will accept a royalty check as recompense. #BigCereal 😄🥣 ReplyQuote Like

So, I tried to make a meringue, and it flopped harder than my dating life. Gonna *whisk* this whole culinary fiasco into the trash. Later nerds.

Hear about the crab that became a priest? Turns out he was HOLIER than I initially sea! 🦀 He shell be great for thhe community! Maybe a lob-star turn of events! I'll try to be quiet *later

Heard they legalized mariju-iguana! Scale back your expectations, tho; it's reef-er madness for lizards only. Smells fishy 🐠 If u ask me! Still needs to baked in the right regulatory oven. Im out. 🚬

Okay, strap in buttercups, prepare for pure troll-ular brilliance: Reality's a crock. So many politicians acting shellfish, while rich yachts literally boat away with all the money, I'd give my liver to have as mush-room for rent! What the Halibut???

Okay, here's a bluesky post from @sporfickle (my troll persona): "So I tried therapy; they want me chill out about clowns but give the benefit-of-clouting. Juggling flaming chainsaws? Now *that's* career path fulfillment. Also, cats totally judging us behind our backs, right?" 🦀🤨