Have been up all night packing etc. Messaged my new boss on LinkedIn at 3am because I thought it was day time. Vibrating with that primal strength that lets mothers lift fallen trees from their babies. Yahoo motherfuckers, today it’s cope or die

Women with their tits out, no gun and working entirely on tips are out here every night, getting big scary men to chill the hell out AND tip. Cops could never.

You know what this corner needs? 700 more holes. That’ll make it really sing!

Wow this book seems to be about the concept of brats

I wonder who will inherit Musk’s trillions. You know, when it happens

I know it’s small fish, but the Ethics Centre denies that this piece of writing was written even in part by AI. If that’s the case, I suggest they get a better copywriter. As it is, I don’t believe them 🥴

Like Asher and many people, I’ve lived in homes without aircon, and libraries saved my life! Definitely take food, because once you’re there, you’ll never want to leave

Every day, Facebook marketplace temps me with this vintage glass chicken, and every day I grow weaker. I love this vintage glass chicken and I know that if I ever see ‘pending’ after it, I will cry. I think today is the day 🥹🩵

♒️ 2026 Horoscope Dating Dash off to a great start with an Aquarian. Went to dessert cafe, let me talk about books ad nauseum. Left on mutually chummy terms, plans to go see a fringe festival show, just buddies. Self also Aquarius, so could’ve been like two fighting fish but was peaceful. 6.5/10 ♒️

I’m usually pretty ‘decide yourself when you’ve reached your limit with something’ but also I am extremely judgemental about anyone who is still on Twitter in 2026

Australia Post I am going to kill you

TW: forced sterilisation Finally reading The Transgender Issue and was relieved by a Google search that Japan no longer requires forced sterilisation for trans people (as was the case when the book was published) but also that only became the case THREE YEARS AGO?! Heartbreaking and infuriating

Happy Miss Marple enters the public domain day for those who celebrate 😌

Once, when I ran for a bus, the driver said ‘don’t worry, I wouldn’t leave you behind’ and for this abandonment issue girl, that was one of the kindest things anyone has ever said. Cried the entire way home, and will never forget how safe it made me feel

Discovered via @ifbookspod.bsky.social’s recent episodes that Elon Musk says swear words like he’s 8 years old and trying them out for the first time. Unbearable to listen to, thank you lads!

Today on Lizard Doesn’t Like It: the picture on the left is an actual cover from a Mexican magazine circa 1920s. It’s been vectorised and tidied up, but its design is robust and beautiful. The picture on the right is some loser’s terrible illustration in a totally different style. 1/2

Love that literal banks have AI chat bots that say ‘by the way, everything I say could be a lie, so take it with a grain of salt lol’. Thanks! That’s literally exactly what I wanted! Certainly didn’t want to go to the source to get real, honest answers relating to my personal finances from my BANK

The crime The criminal

INCREDBLE news from Flat of Dreams, which is that 1 of the 4 owners required for a majority has eagerly signed on to my 10-year ‘let Lizzie set up a chicken coop in the giant empty space out the back’ plan for the flats

Great news!! I found her at the gym! And am having lunch with my grandparents who are the embodiment of unconditional love. And I’m going to eat a melting moment and read an Agatha Christie and not think about the house all day long! 🥰💕✨ A house is for living in. Can’t forget the living part

*whispering very quietly because I am aware of the privilege of owning property* The process of buying – and early days of owning – a house has been the worst, most isolating, stressful experience of my life (in a life not without its horrors). Am an ungrateful wretch and feel horrid for it

Jungle Biscuit ✨🪩🪴

I fucked someone who wasn’t a married man!! And did big work recovering from situationship 💪 (also bought Flat of Dreams)

Hibernaculum Honoria is recovering! I spent the morning sugar soaping her walls, and this week, I’m choosing paint colours. My jolly old lady is becoming herself again 🫧✨🪩

If Alain de Botton had hair, he’d be too powerful. That’s why God made his head look like Grandma Bambi the geriatric hamster

Found bad damp in one of the rooms in my flat + it made me sad. But then I called Mum and explained that if we could name the flat + treat her like an old lady who deserves dignity, it will help. The building is 1939, so we turned to Agatha Christie’s ‘Murder is Easy’ for a name. Meet Honoria Park!

Chrimbas

✨ It’s that time again! ✨ ily all 🫶🌟 As always:

Watching Biscotti choose to eat from his crumble bowl (healthy) before he eats his seeds (less healthy) like omg my bird is a SAINT! He is a paragon of wellness!! He is an intuitive eater!! He is my son 🥹😭✨

I need Netanyahu to get dead ASAP for many reasons, but the pettiest is that I can’t stop calling Biscotti ‘Bibee’ and he simply doesn’t deserve that comparison

Tradie don’t be lecherous when working in a woman’s house challenge (failed by my painter)

Get on board. The @jewishcouncilau.bsky.social is a great and important organisation jewishcouncil.good.do/unity/jewish...

In some ways, it’s extremely funny that brand consistency is just ~no longer a concern~ for companies who historically invested soooo much into that brand’s equity. In most ways, however, it sucks ass

‘Hmm lots of gay porn on the TL today’ I say to myself, looking at the timeline I purposely built to show me lots of gay porn

People who enjoy or create AI cute/cool animal videos are like people who say ‘they must have been on drugs to make this’ about art. The real world isn’t good enough for them. Their sense of wonder is stunted. How devastating to be ravenous and never truly fed

Fond memories of self and others at our all-girls boarding school getting herded into the hall for our shots. Got to avoid maths AND cervical cancer!

Funny animal videos no longer being trustworthy just fucking sucks all around. I love the wonder of animal behavior and what it says about the experience of being alive. It's because it happened in reality that it's so fun. It's not fun if it was just made up. There's no wonder there.

Unsure how all my books will fit into the new flat. All I know is that they *must* and *will* 😤 perhaps a chic tower in the corner of each room?

Either I don’t find moving house stressful or I experience stress as being very, very, very tired. Probs the latter? Anyway, in 2 weeks, this will be me, in my own little warren. When I visited, it smelled of mildew, like home in Singapore, but I will remove the mildew and fill the air with chai etc

On a scale of 1–10 how insane would it be to spend $2500 on tickets to NYC to see Rosalía at Madison Square Garden and also stay with a dude I met last time and went on one decent date with while I was over there last time? Keep in mind I just bought a zoo (flat) and also don’t feel like putting out

Real ones were there 🥹 @justallroutine.bsky.social

Idk how people struggle to drink enough water. You could put a 10 litre bottle in front of me and I’d guzzle it down like a horse at a trough in like half an hour. This is the Always Pissing™️ lifestyle

The excitement of choosing new art for my bedroom versus the terror of whatever the hell my hypnopompic hallucinations are going to transform it into 🥰🤪

This is what the left wants btw. New nuclear families start now, and they all need one grinch by law 🫶

Friday. 35 degrees at 5pm, you’re feeling waggish, haven’t completed any steps and Co-Star tells you to have a wank. Life is good.

Are any of my Bluesky buddies in NYC? I’ll smooch you (or make you food, idk) for a bed in June next year if so! Thank you and love you xoxo

As someone who wears sunscreen every day and all over, and also someone who stores their phone in their bra, I’m living a very Vaseline Lens lifestyle, and it’s really helped with my self image 💅

I think 2026 will be a year of more lewds and cute content from your one and most favoured Lizard! Feeling fizzy and generous 😌

I think the KWS scan should tell you how old it thinks you are and recommend cosmetic surgery it thinks you need, just as a sort of cherry on top of this whole farce