It is really getting time to tell the world to eat fuck, and bail.

Why is no one talking about the absolutely fucking obvious intention behind the deployment of federalized troops to America’s cities? They are mustering to intimidate and suppress the vote in 2026. They will be dragging brown people out of polling places, doing violence, to disrupt the Blue Wave.

If she feels this was as an individual? I laud her. Work as hard as you can, and I hope it fulfills you and you achieve your dreams. But fuck back off with this specious generalization of your richly diverse generation. Most of the ones I know bitch about being in the lab at 11pm on a Sunday.

Adding insult to injury, one of these stories is about sourcing samples from kosher slaughterhouses, and now I’m hungry again.

Sitting in an endless academic event. The open bar has closed. The speakers have all told stories. It is rapidly approaching rampage time.

I kind of care that they’re obviously the kind of entitled bottom who think they have the right to dictate exactly how they like to be topped. Sorry, slut. You’ll take what I give you and say thank you.

Sitting back in the hotel room (dumpster behind conference facility) and Mrs Dr Bear is submitting a manuscript. “What the fuck, ORCID…” Has now been uttered 11 times.

Me: pokes around areas of conference hotel Mrs Dr Bear: “What are you doing?” Me: “Poking around where I got no business.” 10 minutes later… Mrs Dr Bear: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” Me: “I already told you.”

When you confuse being offended with being harmed, you should not be surprised when people respond to being offended as if you are harming them.

This letter says “Fuck” and “off” less frequently than the occasion calls for.

If you are a scientist You will either be a warrior or a victim

The WNBA finals are Phoenix vs Las Vegas. Which of these two cities, hewn from the barren wilderness in defiance of God’s Will, will win? And more importantly, can I eat the losers?

Yall know that Goodall ate more chimpanzees that any three humans in world history, right?

I am the tooth in the jaw of the beast, and you are the blood on its jowl.

They are already in jeopardy. Sitting low and hoping the eye of Sauron passes you over is not a strategy that protects you. I do not believe in “with us or against us.” But science is in the fight like it or not. If you’re a scientist, I believe you will end up a warrior or a victim.

Anyone who tries to draw a line between pedophelia and ephebophilia is just confessing that they’re an extremely creepy sex pest. Looking at you, every libertarian ever.

If plainclothes, armed “ICE” agents refusing to show documentation arrive in force at your location, CALL 911 and report an armed attack. “Men with guns are assaulting my location, send police, I think they’re terrorists!! I fear this will become an active shooter situation.”

I said in 2019: a second Trump term would be a dirty war It’s getting dirty fast. It will get worse without consequences The Bear supports nonviolent resistance. But let’s be clear: general strike; economic disruption; boycotts; protests; lock ins Rich people gotta get poor if we’re gonna win

my heart is a timpani the thunder that crests the horizon the cloudburst on the storm front ominous horns or urgent cellos presage tempest piccolos flutter in the sunbreaks pursuing the storm

If you are a corporation using AI for medical, Human Resources, banking, adjusting, compensation, or similar decisions? The class action lawsuits of 2029 are gonna tear though you like ursus horribilis.

Every fan of Trump should take all of the medical advice of this squadron of ignorant ghouls.

I am 100% behind getting Elon Musk as much ketamine as he can fit in his… mouth? I don’t know how ketamine works. VENTRICLE. As much as he can fit in his left ventricle.

If I had just graduated and a fucking sock was giving the commencement address it would be Vice Dean Buffet, and quickly.

Worth it

You know how those capuchins are stealing howler babies? And then like, they get bored with them and the babies starve? Metal.

cheese

The entire system is a massive (if often reasonably well-intentioned) fraud.

Cue up the “this wasn’t fraud it was a hoax to show how easy it is to fool journals” ass-covering.

No notes.

This is true. And also not evidence against individual level racism. One reason that women and minority PIs are more likely to study these topics that are seen as DEI is the base-level racism of study sections which do not trust them to study “hard science”.

Republicans are from Mars and Democrats are from Saturn. The GOP is carefully weaponized incompetence, deliberately deployed to make it appear as if the government cannot function. But Saturnian Democrats are useless, conflicted. Incapable of meeting an enemy, they invent them among themselves.

Just FYI Mrs. Dr. Bear is on the goddamn warpath this morning. Currently recommending the complete evacuation of Bethesda, Chevy Chase, and Silver Springs. Drop what you’re doing, and RUN. Aim for Baltimore, and whatever you hear, don’t look back.

I have a long list of questions it is currently unsafe to ask either the left or the right.

Did you know that if you eat a pile of expired potatoes behind the Jack and the Box in Tenlytown, the next day you can shit a mountain of yellow pus into the fountain at DuPont Circle less than 11 hours later?

I do not give one living fuck about Epstein, the so called files, or conspiracies about how he died. Neither should you.

Not sure they had to go *quite* so American with the pope. Chicago AND Philly roots? That’s just extra.

There’s a certain pope. From a certain town. That starts with a C, ends in a O, and in the middle is HICAG.

Wait maybe Pope Dilaudid IV.

This is bad but also: spend your goddamn money.

If the next pope really wanted to make a splash they could call themselves Pope Peter II. Or like, a REAL statement could be Pope Mary.

For you whippersnappers who don’t remember the late 90s and early aughts, the current AI craze is *exactly* what the dot-com bubble felt like. Lots of companies investing aggressively, most with no fucking clue what to do. Most of this cash is gonna be vaporized. Buy consumer non-cyclicals.

I don’t pretend to be a WWI flying ace or anything, but it is not good when two fighter jets sink inside of a week, right? They do know that you’re supposed to keep the jets on TOP of the boat? lite.cnn.com/2025/05/06/p...

For Mother’s Day I offer to all the mothers in my social circle the same words of wisdom I offer Mrs Dr Bear every year: “Being a mom isn’t that special, almost every woman does it and we should admire the ones who don’t more.” Also, YOUR kids are really particularly not special.

I did not consent to the entire Conway Robinson State Forest running a bukkake train on my face. Fuck spring.

My favorite chemistry fact is that nearly 40% of the periodic table remains strictly theoretical, and newly half the elements (including Vanadium, Yttrium, Argon, and Rhodium) have never been actually found in real life.

Do not care about “problematic”. Worrying about potential harms is past-tense bourgeois bullshit. I have actual PROBLEMS to manage.

YEAH WE DO! We tear this street up until these goddamn fascists are all where they belong: the shitpile of history.

I am trembling with anticipation about how Trump is going to make the pope’s funeral about himself.

Despite what you may have heard, the conclave’s outcome is a foregone conclusion. I AM YOUR POPE NOW, PUNY HUMANS

you know those “is it cake” reveals, but like, make it a cat and if it’s cake then yay cake but if it’s a cat then yay you just cut open a cat.