Making high people handle glass objects is a peak example of planned obsolescence

When they give you a hickey and your self harm scar pattern shows up. It's like your skin has a "suck and reveal the hidden drawing" mini game.

Walking into the DMV and realising that whatever it is they do there it's not what I thought they did 😔

This bitch came the equivalent of half a cup inside me

Hear me out: "CNC but goofy 🤪"

Turns out the random sharp pain in my abdomen is most likely (recently developed) period cramps and not a sign of my imminent demise

She earned the star for being such a good top and letting me bite her so much

I'm like Jesus in that one statue. If only he had such a cool collar.

"That's so funny. You've earned a nibble!"

Yah I'm a stupid fuck. But you are fucking stupid.

"Whatever you say, girlfriend girl" I should not have gotten this bitch drunk

Girls with big cocks male for the best bottoms because they get less blood flow in the brain when they are horny

Walked into my room, noticed the smell of weed, suddenly had to terms with the fact that I have become a pothead transfem

Transformers Lore: Optimus Prime meets god then cracks all the eggs

Transformers Lore be like: "The Quintessons created eggs"

Ask and it shall be given you.

When u have mana cryp and sol ring in your draft deck, time warp is kind of like time walk. But having both helps.

Being a mentally unstable piece of work is great because I switch from extreme suicidality from 5-6am to vibin to Aviicis best hits at 7am

I can't believe we're getting taco bell!!! I'm so happy :D :D :D

Sorry folks, this bitch got taken @fira42073.bsky.social

Reminds me of the first time I went to my ex's house and the whole place was such a fucking disaster but I insisted on attempting to cook but I almost had a breakdown cause all of the knives were dull. And then her roommate came in to help me and brought a sharp knife she kept in the bathroom.

Me when the reason I don't have more scars is my wife can't take proper care of knives and they're too dull for my headmate to have fun with

Me when the reason I don't have more scars is my wife can't take proper care of knives and they're too dull for my headmate to have fun with

The skin on my fingers is peeling off, I'm literally starting to rot.

As someone named Kin I really hope I get pumped this Halloween #transfempumpkin

I came while Wolfie yapped about minmaxing airplane travel logistics

My wife, high as fuck, dipping bread sticks in the tomato sauce I left resting: "This ain't bad!"

My ass must really be something though because she'll dive into that without a second thought

Comparing cooking food you don't like in different pans to ethno states because I don't like picky eaters

I think I just unlocked a milestone of the human experience. So happy to be alive rn.

Never kill yourself moment

I just think "mine...😮"

You're such a w, i have to marry you :3

Meat grown in the same lab as you is the best meat

The ability to play music should be a feature in sex toys

Something about the quality of the product makes it easy to move around

Giving head so sloppy I have to blow my nose afterwards

Laying face down while a woman makes me whimper until I don't feel my legs anymore (I got wax done)

You can dip into the cumstain to get a little refresher in the middle of the night

So y'all better be working out

It takes a strong butch lesbian to handle a (very) sexy weird girl

Damn girl, you've got some mean weed going on

Sucking her boobs while she yaps about Warframe lore. Living the dream rn.

3am night: Her - How high are you? Me - When I blink I teleport

It's not my fault you've got so much ammo ><... Wait, it IS my fault :p

Such faggot behaviour from her. I could never.

I've hit bottom nirvana

This is why you want me in ur DMs btw