"I would eat you for breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, afternoon tea, dinner, and second dinner"

"if he breaks your heart, find me"

the Kola old fashioned was very good

"are you sure you're awake? If I were dating her, I'd think I was dreaming." this is why men hate me

me putting cologne on earlier

blowing you a kiss at midnight if you wanna blow me too

@grumpygoblingirl.bsky.social told ya

why is my nussy so shiny

I'm trying to kiss a 🐱 tonight and mine doesn't like kisses

if I save your post, you already know why

if you follow me, I assume you think I'm hot or funny lol just kidding I assume you think I'm hot AND funny

I'm going out alone tonight if you wanna come a couple times

smhc

I'm a Linux sysadmin so I spend all day working with a C.L.I.T. (command line interface terminal)

"do you like team sports?" "sure, I'm down to double or triple team" "no, a standard team size is 11" "ELEVEN?!?"

I just gave my coworker some chocolate and asked him to give them to his mom for me

yes, I do sexy work

this post will self destruct inside you

nothing a talented tongue can't fix

it's ok to use sick leave if you're too horny to be productive at work, right?

sudo get on your knees for me

wish I were a little bit smaller tbh

"I'd pay to see that" boy do I have news for you

way too horny to be in a corporate work environment right now

sorry for making everyone horny it will happen again

can I get a good look at you before bed? give me something to dream about 😉 (I'll return the favor? ⬇️)

chances are that I might use deprivation on your sight and I'm contemplating cummin' inside

would it be wrong? would it be right? if I ate you out tonight

suffocation, no breathing don't give a fuck I'm between your legs eating

if you are here from the cat post, don't scroll too far unless you wanna see 🍆 and/or me without a shirt on if you're here specifically to see 🍆 and/or me without a shirt on...there's a link for that 😏

"what kind of man are you?" Yesterday, I was out with friends and saw a woman getting up to leave with a stroller. I got up and "left" the restaurant just to hold the door for her. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Then I went back inside. That's the kind of man I am.

tbh if my last name was Mayo I'd pay to change it who is gonna marry into that last name? No one is named Patty anymore.

"type 60 wpm" on your resume is crazy what

if you have a 6 page resume, fuck you

I have 10x more followers on Threads and 10x less views / interactions on my posts there too What a joke

"you wanna go fuck in the bathroom?" ma'am, this is my favorite karaoke bar in town. I'm not getting banned from here. this is why we travel to other cities 👏

everyone I know is so hot and so tired

I said this to someone I know at the bar last night and she said, "that's why we can't have sex. I'm afraid I'd get addicted." historically speaking...she's right

my realistic dreams are getting out of hand I invented someone and had a whole romance. We were supposed to be sleeping next to each other They aren't even real 😫

the look on my cat's face when I roll in at 2am is priceless

"Do you believe in love at first sight" Don't get me started. I fell in love 3 times TODAY. I was drunk but still

me and my $130 bar tab against the world

"your karaoke was my favorite of the night." I sang fergilicious 😂

and I'm thinking Maybe six inches Ain't so far in

3 freshly squeezed buttery nipples

rolling out a red carpet for you and then laying under it 🥵

call me Pringles 'cause once you pop you can't stop

I was gonna record karaoke but there are kids here and I don't wanna record them

scrolling bsky when I'm not horny feels weird

I started Plur1bus. I'm on episode 3 and so far I don't like it at all. Does anyone like this show?