I’ve been pooping again

When I look at naked ladies on the internet my special zone starts to feel funny

medium sized bosoms

All I want out of life is for a’ja wilson to hit me with her car

I need a thick bih to shoot me in the head with an anti-material rifle

Just dipped my head in the toilet and gave myself a swirlie

Poop

When my wife calls me a pissant she’s referring to my little thing being small and producing a lot of piss

Porco rosso be like

six seven

The purpose of life is to maniacally pinball between disappointment and humiliation until a meteor falls from the sky and pulverizes your skull

Just one of those days where you contemplate suicide and blow thirty bucks on shitty snacks

Just saw like five people that I saw every day at my old job from a year ago and all of them pretended not to recognize me 😎😎😎

Just punched myself in the dick for no reason 😎

Shawty got me diaped up and reading the Wikipedia article about the Doggerland

@funeralpig.bsky.social will you be my new mommy

This has been a hell of a week, started things off on Monday with my (now former) girl breaking things off

Medieval perverts saying shit like “when she bec my de till I corbin 🥵”

I don’t have anything funny to say and probably never did

FREDERICK 👏 DOUGLASS 👏 NEVER 👏 DROPPED 👏 AN 👏 ALBUM 👏

It’s okay if a hot woman kills people, she probably had a bad day or whatever

Women these days are too picky, they won’t even date loser NEETs that smell like a KFC dumpster and live on their moms spare couch

“Cheers” is called that because test audiences cheered when that shit was over and they could finally leave

This happened again

“Everyone Loves Raymond” is the reason no one loves me. He’s hogging all the attention

You ever have a poop where it’s not a log or diarrhea but like a fist sized cube of doodoo

My wife made me get a cloaca so I would stop peeing standing up

In Israel the pizza guys are required to circumcise your slice before giving it to you

KMS* immediately *Kiss Me Sexually

My wife laughs at me when I tell her I love her

tfw you spent half a decade systematically destroying your life and alienating all your friends and loved ones

What kind of an idiot would design a mech without a cloaca for the reactor sludge farts

When a miscellaneous unc shoots he poison 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

I saw daddy shooting poison on stage with the other miscellaneous uncs at the Janet Jackson show

Hey I just wanted to apologize for my friend Mr. Jones over there, I know he’s been staring at you for a while but he’s kind of a special needs case. He does love beautiful women but I promise he’s harmless. Heck, he still thinks he’ll be a “big big star” any day now despite being in his late 40’s

Applying for a job at Walmart by personally giving my resume to the manager then immediately blowing my brains out before they can respond

Santa is gay and I can prove it

If there was actually a US civil war it would consist largely of border skirmishes between they/them tenderqueers larping as NCR rangers and groyper NEETs with anime body pillows larping as Caesar’s legion

Don’t you know who that is gaijin? That’s Santa Claus! He owns this club, and many more in this district

🎶 Shit and a fart/and you’re too late/you give the runs a bad name 🎶

The state is going to lobotomize me today via a sledgehammer to the balls

All I want for Christmas is for a busty latina queen to knock my head clean off with a warhammer

Shaving has never felt so good! - the shaved pervert, shortly after a shave

I just got my ass kicked by a mall santa in the jc penny’s parking lot

Mfw anything at all happens