For a few months out of his last miserable year alive, he felt like maybe he could get better. That the world wasn't such a bad place. That there was hope for him. God. What a lie that was.

What a vivid hallucination. And what a fucking horrifying one. He's used to seeing and hearing shit that isn't there but this is... complex. Beautiful. Divine. Warm. Comforting. What a sick joke.

As in LITERALLY become a rat or like METAPHORICALLY?

It's always better to mourn with a song, he said. Atleast then you get something out of it.

the horror of dying is already kind of over it's not like i had anything worthwhile to add to the world anyways so its probably fine but like deadline already hyped up this whole being human thing and it was really nice and cool to have hope for awhile and now its like guess that was for nothing?

God. He's just like his mother.

SO KNEEL THE FUCK DOWN AND LET THE HARMONY I BROUGHT BLIND YOU, DIPSHIT. BECAUSE MY DEATH WILL DO NOTHING BUT DIG YOU FURTHER INTO THIS MILE DEEP HOLE YOU'VE DUG FOR YOURSELF. CHOOSE NOTHING OR CHOOSE YOUR OWN ENDLESS SPIRAL. THERE IS A RIGHT CHOICE.

'' This was a BAD idea, Mako! I-'' He feels outright sick. He's still crying. His voice cracks. His vision is blury. He refuses to look at Mako as tears keep spilling down his face. ''-- *I* am a bad idea! ''

His breath hitched slightly as his throat was grabbed, but he doesn't seem too bothered by it? Not his first time being choked in combat. And YET. AND YET. This MOTHERFUCKER is still smilling, eyes a bit too wide and pushed up by his stupid ass smile.

nothing feels good ever and i feel really really bad.

Ruler of nothing, a silent timepiece. I didn't want it to come to this, either.

Naaah, thinking... thinking is a slippery slope, y'know? if you're not careful you'll slide into thinking about sad, miserable stuff, and who has the time for allat?

SO KNEEL THE FUCK DOWN AND LET THE HARMONY I BROUGHT BLIND YOU, DIPSHIT. BECAUSE MY DEATH WILL DO NOTHING BUT DIG YOU FURTHER INTO THIS MILE DEEP HOLE YOU'VE DUG FOR YOURSELF. CHOOSE NOTHING OR CHOOSE YOUR OWN ENDLESS SPIRAL. THERE IS A RIGHT CHOICE.

He opens his mouth briefly, then closes it again, like he wanted to say something but his throat wouldn't let him say it to him. And so, the silence continued. Just Hawkins Charlie And his own corpse, loved more with the life out of it than it ever was alive.

What a vivid hallucination. And what a fucking horrifying one. He's used to seeing and hearing shit that isn't there but this is... complex. Beautiful. Divine. Warm. Comforting. What a sick joke.

You're not breaking people's aspirations or some shit like that either. Since when was struggling seen as a damn moral failling-? What hopes and dreams could you POSSIBLY be toppling right now?

... There's somethin' to be said about this. Surely. You would have thought we sung everything there is to sing. It's not our fault his cycle continues but it sure doesn't make the blood on my hands feel any better.

i don't know. im scared that i'm not like you. im not human enough to be adaptable. i wanna have hope but its hard to live as if there's a life for you.

For a few months out of his last miserable year alive, he felt like maybe he could get better. That the world wasn't such a bad place. That there was hope for him. God. What a lie that was.

this stupid loser has no idea his life is about to get better and he's about to learn how to enjoy shit for the first time in almost two years. this stupid fucking idiot has no idea he will start finding joy in hobbies he didnt think would ever cross his mind again. What a dumb idiot lmao

I think it says something when the forest demons have a better grasp of how people work than you.

at this point i wonder if you actually like him or just like the idea of him. of what he could be, or what he was, before he broke down that night.

dont worry broskies im gonna rescue your ass because im 14 and a suicide mission is healthy for the mind

He didn't want to believe it was just infatuation. It couldn't be just infatuation. Oh my god. It couldn't be. It wasn't. That's why he... ... He looked away, paused, and exhaled sharply. He forced his gaze back towards Mako. He owes him this vulnerability.

there’s a spear through my heart, all I feel is pain. if life is so fair why do roses have thorns.

... you're the sweetest person I've ever met in my entire stupid fucking life, Mako. Are you sure you don't deserve better...?

sorry harmonia from the hit album chonyns charming chaos compendium but you see we didnt choose this bitch of a life either.

There's no way anything he could say would ever be as good as anything Xander would. . . . He has to atleast try.

... There's somethin' to be said about this. Surely. You would have thought we sung everything there is to sing. It's not our fault his cycle continues but it sure doesn't make the blood on my hands feel any better.

Oh wow does that mean I just go to SUPER HELL? like--

His tone was suddenly a lot more chipper. Again, what else is he supposed to do? He steps closer, like he was told to. He wants to get closer, he wants to grab him and spin him around in a stupid little hug like he used to as a kid but he CAN'T do that because that's not HIM anymore.

God. He's just like his mother.

... There's somethin' to be said about this. Surely. You would have thought we sung everything there is to sing. It's not our fault his cycle continues but it sure doesn't make the blood on my hands feel any better.

" Youre-- " Eugh. Something gets caught up In his throat. He clears it, but his voice is still hoarse from the strain. " ... you're the sweetest person I've ever met in my entire stupid fucking life, Mako. Are you sure you don't deserve better...? ''

No one's around right? Yeah. ... You take off your shades and rub your eyes with your sleeves. We're good now.

He repeats that name, and he's not sure why. His hands are held together as if he's praying. Maybe he is. Maybe he's praying that this is some sort of sick prank he's pulling on him. That maybe his sense of humor got severely fucked up over the years and he thought this was funny as hell.

me when i drank a little bit of alcohol and was a bit mean to people so i have to go to hell

He's attempting something so futile and why? So he can try and make himself feel better? So he can spend just a bit more time with him before he has to leave? So he can feel the touch of his hand one last time?

You know. For some reason he didn't consider that reaction. I guess not socialising with people properly in years does something to you. Who knew.

Just Charlie and his own corpse, loved more with the life out of it than it ever was alive.

You idiot we are ALL overthinkers WE HAVE GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER

It's always better to mourn with a song, he said. Atleast then you get something out of it.

You idiot we are ALL overthinkers WE HAVE GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER

youre being so nice and youre purposefully letting me get closer to you im just not sure what you want exactly

dont worry broskies im gonna rescue your ass because im 14 and a suicide mission is healthy for the mind

You're not breaking people's aspirations or some shit like that either. Since when was struggling seen as a damn moral failling-? What hopes and dreams could you POSSIBLY be toppling right now?

They got this suit. For him. Just so he can be buried with it.

I am not DONE YET. I will keep clawing at these FUCKING WALLS until they collapse and the sun reaches my skin and there's no DYING TRYING.

Does he NEEEEED more sympathy points? He's already plenty sympathetic! Also like, just look at him dude. He looks like a kicked golden retriever, man.

I think it says something when the forest demons have a better grasp of how people work than you.