Hi I’m Mercury, aka Merky, aka Merky Turkey, aka Turkey Butt, aka Splooter McGavin, aka Splootie Tootie Fresh n’ Frooty, aka baby boy.

I cut my finger slicing an apple this morning. Not a big cut. Only bled a little. Did I still almost pass out? Maybe. It’s through the cuticle and I can’t look at it 😭

I love when I wake up early enough to hear the owls in my neighborhood ❤️

Things I want to do when I reach my goal weight: Wear cunty high heels everywhere

Can I please volunteer to be euthanized?

Zero sugar dark chocolate Reese’s cups?? Autoship them to me for life

Real-time standoff over who gets to lay in the window. The little one lost 😂

POV: You ordered a lil ol pack of 12 pens from Staples. That’s my 72 inch TV in the background for scale.

People who voluntarily turn on their camera in a company wide meeting are the worst. “Pick me pick me!”😡

Lemon is an underrated jello flavor.

ADHD and chill

This isn’t what I ordered

Wrestlemania and w33d and spicy skittles gummies

Subscr1be to my Only Cats. Peet pics 4 sale.

I’m supposed to go to a stupid party tonight and I don’t want to at all. I feel gross and ugly and depressed and I just wanna wear my ugly skull leggings and read a book on my couch.

I live in Florida. My car AC is out. It will cost more than the damn car is worth to fix it. It will be a long, long miserable summer. Time to sell 🦶pics. 😂

Again, two of my reasons for not making the bed. Kitty Omega and Mercury. ❤️

Coco really enjoys this laundry basket 😝

Hell yeah brother

Why aren’t you watching Mystery Wrestling? @mysterywrestling.bsky.social

When I take baths I sure attract a lot of cats 😂

“Oh if you’re struggling mentally just ask for help, always just let someone know” and then you do and not one person gives a fuck or tries to help.

I got the most bedazzling compliment today, “I think you look fine. 🤷‍♀️” awww 🙄

There’s no rule that you can’t be almost upside down in your profile picture.

Women are so beautiful and amazing.

I woke up with a severely painful red swollen eye. My 14 year old daughter goes in her room , I guess to Google my symptoms, and a few mins later comes to tell me: “You’re either about to go blind or it’s nothing.” Cool thanks Betsy. lol

Who else is looking at the dark side of the moon live right now? 😮 🌖 🚀

Made s’mores cookies for the daughter’s 14th birthdayyyy

I don’t wanna do any of this any more. None of it.

How am I supposed to get any work done in these conditions!? Five of my six sweet angel babies 🐈 🐈‍⬛ in one pic.

It’s so cool when you post a cat pic and then hundreds of people show you pics of THEIR cats. Hint hint 😉

Minerva and Kitty Omega wish you a happy Tuesday .

I’m 46 and my mom sent me an Easter basket. Sooo my mom’s awesome. ❤️ 🐰 🐣

I could be sitting here seething thinking about how much you piss me off, and the edibles kick in and suddenly I couldn’t love you more 😂

Alright who wants to apply to be best friends?

I enjoy these pics of my cats. I hope you do too.

Guys I think Kitty Omega is broken 😂 🐈‍⬛

Just think about the words “showcase showdown.” It’s so silly.

Just once I want a woman to slide into my DMs. 😂 (please)

Spent my morning trying to help a little kitty that got hit by a car. They couldn’t save her. Someone hit her and just drove away. People have no heart. 💔

#MysteryWrestling22 with Evil Uno and Nug Nahrgang begins RIGHT NOW! WATCH it RIGHT NOW for FREE: www.twitch.tv/eviluno www.youtube.com/live/QK-nSmO... #MysteryWrestling 🤼‍♂️

Last time I skeeted about #MysteryWrestling, some lady got mad and blocked me. She was confused when I said Sasquatch had a match, and said I was weird and creepy. Anyway, Sasquatch may very well have a match. It’s a mystery! Tune in, it’s a lot of fun. @EvilUno @MysteryWrestling

I love interacting with you guys. I wish I had time to reply to every single comment. Here’s some cats to cheer you up.

Sometimes I don’t make my bed. Ask Mercury, Coco, and Spaghetti the Cat why, and they will say “Meow.”

The black jellybean is the BEST jellybean. I will not be taking questions at this time.

What’s the best sandwich? IMO it’s a BLT with honey mustard 🤷‍♀️ 🥓 ❤️

Sure flying is fast but I stg the gods punish us for that speed by making flying the absolute f*cking WORST UGHHH 😡

HS is such an awful disease.

Coco likes the new blanket 🐈‍⬛

#DUUUVAL Come on guys. You got this. 🐆 🏈