my tinder profile

just so yall know im serious

my corporate job was soul sucking and my nonprofit job is soul sucking so like now what

my psychic told me im gonna tear my acl twerking 🤥

9am at woodmans listening to xcx world

goodnight bisexuals!!!

a thai iced tea hate to see me coming

no resolutions but to continue to become hotter and crazier 🥂

i love gay flirting 🫨

everyone knows almond moms but no one talks about almond dads. this man just made me a bloody mary with v8

hey now hey now

my psychiatrist: “i don’t see autism as a concern, but i do see that for you” my therapist: “you know technically i’m not allowed to diagnose, but you definitely meet the criteria”

trader joe’s had honey pearl grapes

i hope i meet nardwuar in heaven

been sitting on a heating pad for like 10 hours. that’s probably fine

getting wasted at my company’s holiday party is my favorite sport and i always win

as a girl stoner with a prescription for beta blockers i feel very represented in hollywood by rachel sennott

need a mango lassi and a bad bitch in my bed right freaking neow

whoever put a curse on me YOU WIN!!!!

the clock hits 5:01 and my weed pen come rolling at me like a can of chef boyardee

god dam it. i’m crying over spilled milk again.

realllly into wikipedia at the moment

all of these probiotic sodas. be an adult and drink kombucha already

years ago when my ex and i broke up he texted me on christmas and i replied with this

#tbt Dale

your swag is broken? have you tried turning it off and on again?

unclogged my weed pen #womeninstem

everyone say happy birthday bunny!!!!

day two without ritalin and i was going to brush my teeth but i started cleaning my bathroom then i took a picture of a new tote bag i bought then i drank my cup of water then i put my lunch in the oven then i built my cats a fort and then i brushed my teeth

About to board the flight and realized it’s very important to me to make sure that lose control by missy elliot is in my downloads on spotify

vegas is so expensive the last two nights i had dinner at a 24hr sbarro

i have been in adult disneyland for days almost entirely disconnected from the real world and while i was getting absolutely blasted drunk at 2pm today american politicians decided to perform in a truly unbelievable opposite day

BREAKING: i will no longer be paying taxes

speaking french with this waiter and i cannot tell if we’re flirting or if this is his schtick

there are jacob elordis everywhere for those with the eyes to see

i just started crying at the bar of the guy fieri restaurant because of this

going to drain my bank account this week i fear

gooning at the airport

ariel pink and john maus being at the capitol on january 6 was like 9/11 for people who wear doc martens

therapy hit so good today i’m about to lift a car

i have half of a casetta sandwich in the fridge 🥹

my brain when i’m trying to do math

my fucking god the people in the office building next to my apartment have seen me naked far too many times

the current state of my fridge would go viral on edtwt

brother loves a cheeto

took a nap in jeans. is god even real

sometimes talking to my mom on the phone feels like community service

addison rae my beloved 💝

i’ve spent most of the workday on my phone why isn’t it 5:00 yet

dog my yoga instructor tonight was my psychiatrist