Read our article on the UKs new Online Safety Act: sites.google.com/view/current... In the article are links to petitions and donate boxes.

Google has let us out of a block, we have full access to the website again but are planning on changing domains so we don't get locked again. Sorry about the delays but everything is back to normal.

Elon has officially stepped down as First Buddy of the United States, changing his profile picture on X (formerly Twitter) to a black void, rumored to be a diagram of his soul. Elon announced his firing earlier this night, the other firing that will hopefully happen is a gun to his head soon.

Inspirational Quotes from rich fuckers to get you through your day, a 🧵

FUCK YOUR COMPUTER Read the full article here: sites.google.com/view/current...

The Pope is dead and the Conclave starts May 5th, and we know people have questions. We have officially started a HYPOTHETICALS branch to Current Update Media! Can Joe Biden become the Pope? Read more to find out! sites.google.com/view/current... Feel Free to ask questions you want answered below!

The woke mob cancels Trump because his left testicle hangs lower‽‽ #news #breakingnews #trending #Testicle

Want to express how mad you are at the world? Purchase a tee-shirt with your discretionary spending money! sites.google.com/view/current...

90% of people who signed up for the United States army reported to have only done so to kill someone and get away with it because "it's so damn fun, god the thrills"

"People don't want to do what they're told, we tell them to pour bleach into their bloodstream to stop all ailments and they disobey. I just wanted them to be safe but nooooo..." - Greg Abbot, after getting asked about the recent Measles outbreaks.

Too many plane crashes have happened in America recently that 9/11 jokes are now set in October according to Vice President JD Vance in recent interview

It wasn't a Roman salute, the sun was hitting his eyes really badly Full article here: sites.google.com/view/current...

We've been panicking here over at Current Update Media, having to do live tracking on this motherfucker. Vivek is gone already, and so are my braincells. Track Donald Trumps second term here: sites.google.com/view/current...

It's inauguration day, meaning the Donald Trump counters are going live! As Hell leaks to earth in real time, at least you know that Gas went up 35 cents total. Track Here: sites.google.com/view/current...

TikTok feels quaint and peaceful now... almost perfect

Tired of your old news sources? Try us and our meaningless slop instead! sites.google.com/view/current...

"Remember Your Oath, because I can't remember mine"

BREAKING!! Famous Matt Gaets Cosplayer, Rumpelstiltskin announces after a long and tedious time in and out of the courthouse, he has changed his name to Rubmyforeskin. He then later announced that nobody listens to directions anymore.

Breaking: The gayest person you know comes out as bisexual.

Fuel our capitalist fire and spiral into madness with our first ever merch drop! We are hoping to release the second drop later this week, and let's just say, my peanits www.zazzle.com/store/curren...

"STOP CALLING HIM PRESIDENT MUSK" - Trump after losing his job to a immigrant. (December 21st, 9:03pm est)

Missing Congress woman found in nursing home after 6 months, diagnosed with Dementia. GOP huzzahs because they've been looking for a 2028 Trump replacement

Hillary Clinton unvails her witches brew while playing Maroon 5 at Panera.

🧵 We have gotten exclusive interviews with North Korean citizens and asked them on their opinions on topics.

Kamala Harris texts all of America for money again, leading voters to wonder if she's been Kamala Homeless this entire time.

Our interviewer went on the streets to show people this really cool discovery, they are currently in jail for public harassment when one too many people thought this was a anus.

"I want the children to experience Polio again" - RFK when asked about his cabinet position under President-Elect Trump

Everyone in New Jersey leaves after ban on shooting the drones. "They took away the last fun thing over there, so I said fugget 'bout it" - Wished to not be named #news #breaking #dronesightings

The UnitedHealthCare Shooter Caught! sites.google.com/view/current...

America tries to colonize another landmass Read the article here: sites.google.com/view/current...

We are sorry about the article problems on our site, we are currently trying to fix it.

#heartwarming news story of the day! Cat becomes organ donor as their owner bleeds to death. The owner, who now resides at the local morgue, generously lost their lungs as their cat ripped it out of their body to use and a ball.

Drakes newest lawsuit reaches #1 on the billboard charts for the 9th week in a row, fans speculating if he's ever gonna drop music again instead of dropping too much money.

"Someone has a peanut allergy" Mom jokes to their book club as their kid dies slowly on the floor.

Israel has been found using bowling analogies for their genocides, some like "Strike" being code for successful bombing are more obvious. Weirdly enough, within all of the analogies, they've never used the term "Spare".

How theatre, music and film are helping us unlock new solutions to the world’s plastics problem

We tried pursuing King Charles further on this choice, but he kept responding with "ZZZ, snore mimimimi".

Genocidal maniac King Charles announces the heir to his throne is another genocidal maniac, Spongebob Squarepants. Charles, known for his withering flesh and decrepit eyes, made the speech to assure Harry he really doesn't have a chance.

"how could Walmart do such a thing? I thought they cared for me, a minority consumer." - Oblivious Person who has too much faith in the human race

New TikTok trend; 'Sunmaxxing' causes Gen Alpha to blind themselves, as they stare into the sun for 20 minutes at a time. When asked, parents said this was the least stupid thing they've done in a while.

Heartwarming: Joe Biden released back into natural habitat after diagnosed with rabies!

Evil company removes trans merchandise, consumers shocked.

Anyway here’s a cheerful piece about how the Sun will eventually destroy all life on Earth (but not by exploding, so, you know, there’s that)

Breaking: Twitter users forget all common knowledge and media literacy when making a argument

Donald Trump caught wearing "I am not affiliated with this man" shirt while at dinner with Elon Musk, who was prancing around like a idiot chanting "I'm a first buddy, wahoo!"

Jeffery Epstein still dead! Follow for more motivational News!

Finally reading REAL news @currentupdatemedia.bsky.social

Russia announces that they'll shoot brainrotted kids on spot, trying to see less "Skibidi Soliders" on the battlefield