Whoever is responsible for any uniform the Ravens have ever worn, up to and especially including tonight, should be dragged through the streets of Charm City like Mussolini

Did Jack White always look like tall Danzig or is that a new development?

Here’s your regular reminder that Tom Brady is the best QB to ever walk the earth and also the worst color commentator in all of sports.

ACAB includes the trombone player in the NYPD marching band.

Where my Macys Parade Heads at this morning? You guys jacked and pumped or what?

Do kids still go out and get shitfaced the night before Thanksgiving? I hope not.

Hey kids. I just talked to your bosses. They said you can knock off early. No don’t ask them. Close up shop. Pencils down. Hit the road. Safe travels and enjoy a piping hot cup of gravy. Also steal whatever office supplies you want on your way out. It’s cool. For real.

Hey kids. I just talked to your bosses. They said you can knock off early. No don’t ask them. Close up shop. Pencils down. Hit the road. Safe travels and enjoy a piping hot cup of gravy. Also steal whatever office supplies you want on your way out. It’s cool. For real.

This is the most lawless work week of the year. No one knows who is in or out or what is happening. It's like in Apocalypse Now when Willard shows up at the Do Lung bridge and asks the soldier who the commanding officer is, and the kid says "ain't you?" Like that only with pumpkin pie.

This is the most lawless work week of the year. No one knows who is in or out or what is happening. It's like in Apocalypse Now when Willard shows up at the Do Lung bridge and asks the soldier who the commanding officer is, and the kid says "ain't you?" Like that only with pumpkin pie.

This is literally half the people I grew up with. One kid used to steal cars every day, but also would pick me up from the bus stop and drop me at high school every day. In a stolen car.

Lot of talk about if thanksgiving food is good. This is nonsense. Just as cigarettes are nicotine delivery devices, thanksgiving food is a gravy delivery device. Get the gravy right and nothing else matters.

Lot of talk about if thanksgiving food is good. This is nonsense. Just as cigarettes are nicotine delivery devices, thanksgiving food is a gravy delivery device. Get the gravy right and nothing else matters.

If this was 2010 there’d have been a dozen parody videos all called “Wicked Pissah” with Glinda with a Boston accent and I would have jumped off the roof by now trying to not defy gravity

Uniform Game of The Week is Eagles/Cowboys. Every game the eagles don’t wear the Kelly Greens is a crime against humanity and a pox on their houses.

Ever since Tony Romo was announced as part of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Inspecting Children’s Genitals, he can go fuck himself forever. Fucking loser.

Remember, Sean Connery is in the ones with Scuba Diving and Roger Moore is in the ones with Skiing. An easy way to let people know you’re a movie expert.

Currently watching Holiday Touchdown: A Bills Love Story featuring Bobby Bacala and Ralphie Cifaretto. Man I wish Buffalo was real.

Al Michaels is a one hundred year old man and the best play by play guy in football. Fire that maga weirdo Herbstriet into the sun and buy out Greg Olson’s contract. Then you have an announcing team. Anyway this game is like sitting through three stop light cycles and moving five feet in traffic.

Landman is utterly batshit, misogynistic, oil company propaganda. Taylor Sheridan feverishly writing scripts whacked out on horse Gatorade and huffing gasoline with no checks or balances. It’s must watch TV.

Landman is utterly batshit, misogynistic, oil company propaganda. Taylor Sheridan feverishly writing scripts whacked out on horse Gatorade and huffing gasoline with no checks or balances. It’s must watch TV.

I didn’t put my water bottle in the fridge last night so now I have to drink my morning potion of C4 Hawaiian Punch Fruit Juicy Red Sport Pre Workout at room temperature, and I might legit kill mys

Three way. The onion roll is negotiable, the James River BBQ sauce is not.

Here's some fun things to think about: Aaron Sorkin based two entire shows on Keith Olbermann's life. Sokin also wrote most of the West Wing while tripping balls on mushrooms and geeked out of his tits on blow.

Here's some fun things to think about: Aaron Sorkin based two entire shows on Keith Olbermann's life. Sokin also wrote most of the West Wing while tripping balls on mushrooms and geeked out of his tits on blow.

The Lizza/Nuzzi thing is like watching BumFights DVDs for people who went to prep school.

What’s the single best year a film director ever had? For my money it’s either 1974 when Coppola dropped The Conversation and Godfather 2 or 1993 when Spielberg released both Schindler’s List and Jurassic Park, which is really hitting from both sides of the plate.

Watching a YouTube playlist of musical guests on Letterman, and holy shit. Nobody ever did it like him. One of one. Leno couldn’t carry his jock. Paul Shaffer might secretly be the most talented weirdo to ever play keyboards.

Congratulations to the Saskatchewan Lumberjacks on defeating the Montreal Mounties and winning the Syrup Bowl. I fully support weirdo rules Northern Lights Football

I don’t give a shit what anyone says, that bitch made little MAGA fuck Mahomes gets more bullshit calls than any player in history. I’m turning on the Grey Cup. Go Lumberjacks or whatever they are.

Are they checking NFL refs draft king accounts before games or what?

I feel like there’s way more than four commercials per day on Red Zone, or however many that company man, Scott Hanson LIED ABOUT

At this point I guess I wish Paul Thomas Anderson would stop reading Pynchon

I will bet all the money in my pockets versus all the money in your pockets that he named this kid after Nic Cage’s Memphis Raines in Gone in 60 Seconds

Hunt for Red October is on TV right now and however good you think it is, it’s better. Mctiernan shoots non action like action and every second pulsates.

Top Three Submarine Movies of The Last Fifty Years: 3. Crimson Tide 2. The Hunt For Red October 1. Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan

Chuck Schumer is the Paul Reiser in Aliens of the Democratic Party. Listen, motherfucker, I don’t give a shit what helps the Weyland Yutani Corporation, these fucking monsters are going to eat us. You need to get off your ass or you have to go.

Sports gambling should require you to call a 1-900 number and pay 25 dollars to hear a lock of the week. Then you should have to call some guy on a payphone, give him your fake name, then maybe you hit both ends of a parlay and maybe you go to federal prison on a RICO beef.

The Democratic Party is both so hellbent on collaborating with fascism they surrendered on the shutdown even though they had all the momentum, and so hellbent on winning they’re supporting a fucking blackwater guy with a Nazi tattoo. Oh wait being told those are the same thing. My bad.

These Jets unis are so crisp. The Patriots blizzard costumes look weird as fuck, but those helmets are elite.

A pedophile game show host and gang of third-tier comedians with podcasts helped the Nazis retroactively win WW2. You're not going crazy. This is what actually happened.

A pedophile game show host and gang of third-tier comedians with podcasts helped the Nazis retroactively win WW2. You're not going crazy. This is what actually happened.

Fixing the Bond movies is the easiest thing possible if you're not a Marvel brain poisoned hack. Jeff Bezos, you evil little fuck, just pay me a hundred million dollars and let me cook. One new movie every three years with a different Bond every time. Also fuck you.

Have a lady play James Bond. Is her name going to be James? Yes. Is she a lady? Also yes. Is she the real actual James Bond. Yeah. She is. So is George Clooney playing a retired James Bond who is also the real James Bond in a Soderbergh Bond movie set in 1983. Because who cares. Everything is fake

Also every actor is the actual real James Bond. Maybe you do one with Idris Elba set in the 1970s. Maybe one with Cavill set in the 90s. A modern day one with that kid who played Kraven the hunter. Whatever. Have some fun with it. Nothing matters anymore anyway.

Because the country is on fire, here is my plan to fix James Bond movies: Ready? It's simple. Change the Bond actor every time. Who cares? We live in an age of lawlessness, might as well give the people some entertainment.