I don't want to get into depth with this but this could honestly be a (non-venomous) spider bite, I mean I WAS camping...

somewhat concerned for my physical health rn

spiraling now who am I? what am I? why am I? why is all this so confusing? why can't I just be content with who I am? why can't I be who I *truly* am?

ugh..that species dysphoria is hitting hard again.

ugh. really minor vent but my sinuses are so congested it feels like i'm suffocating.

why do i feel a sense of dread? like everything is about to fall apart?

why does my step mom have to be such a condescending cunt

oh wow yeah now on top of relationship issues, struggling to stay afloat in school, species dysphoria, having no break due to constant extracurriculars, and already being essentially fucking harassed by my stepmom but in a way where it's not actual harassment but it certainly fucking feels like it,

oh wow who knew a fucking children's movie would give me species dysphoria

man i love it when i'm just chilling and then BOOM DYSPHORIA

im only hurting him

Something that's been bugging me all day is death. Or, more specifically, what comes afterwards. Science points to there just being nothing. No senses, no thoughts, no emotions, nothing. You just cease to exist. And, honestly? That scares the living shit out of me. Sure, I wouldn't feel it,

especially when you can't even help yourself.

You can't help them all, Echo. Just stop trying.

humans fucking suck, man... I mean, you all are okay, but god, the humans i know in person mostly just suck.

it'd be nice to bleed but i'm too scared

i can't stop making mistakes

he probably fucking hates me doesn't he I wouldn't blame him

there he goes. off on his own way, without me. i know it's temporary, he told me it's temporary, but... what if it isnt?

FUCK

"I love you" DO I? DO I? BECAUSE IF I REALLY LOVED YOU I'D BE AGREEING WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I'D BE MAKING SURE YOU WERE HAPPY. NOT INDULGING IN MY OWN SELFISH GAINS AT THE COST OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

i just want to cry. how much have i ruined? how much will i ruin? i feel like the only thing i've got going for me right now is... is something i can't publicly speak about. it's all just fucked up. i can't stand this anymore. i'm such a horrible person i keep fucking things up.

this is some fucking bullshit.

...not a good sign getting home and seeing both your computer AND your Steam Deck gone.

SERIOUSLY? AFTER ALL THIS TIME YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY NO?

AAAAAA THIS FUCKING CLASS IS MAKING ME SO DYSPHORIC I'M NOT A HUMAN STOP CALLING ME ONE

why are friendships so difficult?

stupid fucking human stupid fucking human stupid fucking human stupid fucking human stupid fucking human stupid fucking human I'm done being human I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done I'm done

im never gonna be a protogen. just face it. ill always be a filthy fucking human.

whenever I see a fursuiter I get immediate species envy

if he kills himself I don't have a reason to live anymore

please don't let me wake up tomorrow

i should bleed for what I've done

right back to where we started

why did i do that

that felt good

it's what I deserve.

why don't i just do the same thing? if he's doing it, I should too.

that's my fault. my fault he cut himself.

oh

... there's always a catch.

receiving good words from some of my boyfriend's friends. I may be out of this soon, with a happy ending.

I love him... but I love her too... and it's already been made clear to me that I can't have both.

every time im reminded of it somehow my sadness just relapses

the self harm has slowed down a substantial amount but I still catch myself doing it subconsciously

why am I doing this to myself. I know it feels good but it's not the right thing to do.

notice that I haven't used my otherkin account in a long time. there's reason for that.

pain feels good.

oh my god. not only am I being hit with relationship issues, but now the dysphoria is here too.

why am i still here